Need to vent

Posts: 55
4/20/12 1:24 A

I worked through our first two pregnancies and this is the first one where I've been able to stay home. It was a hard transition and I completely understand what you're talking about in not having coworkers anymore and feeling like you're not contributing (financially). In reality, you're in a good spot. You can have this baby and plan on being a SAHM (if that's what you two have decided) without the pressure (social/financial) of going back to work as soon as you hit the 6-12 week mark. Plus, with everything that you'll be able to do for baby, you actually save more money staying home than you would make by working and putting baby in daycare. Take the time you have now to get everything ready to go. Something that helps me get through day-to-day is making lists. I feel better about myself because I'm accomplishing something (check!), even if I'm going to do it again tomorrow or in a week. Your emotions will actually continue for awhile after the baby is born. It takes a bit for the emotions to simmer down and you're sleeplessness will continue. If you have a chance, sit down with your husband and ask him two questions: 1) What helps him the most that you're currently doing? 2) Is there one other thing that you can do that would really help? For loneliness, there are several groups in the area. My sister-in-law is a huge advocate for Mom's Club (I think it's a $20/year fee, not positive). You can look it up on the internet to find chapters near you. Check your local library. They generally have "story time" once a week. You may not have baby yet, but you could start dropping in and checking to see if any other women there are preggers, then chat 'em up and make friends. Organize a night out with your friends (the ones who feel uncomfortable because you're not drinking anymore). Go to a movie, go out to dinner, have a night in...they can get drinks if they want, but usually there's more on the beverage menu than alcohol. ;) Keep us posted on how it goes!

Posts: 155
4/19/12 3:29 P

Try not to downplay your contributions to the family. It sounds like he is working like crazy, but you are the reason he is able to work. You make sure he is eating healthy foods, you make sure the house stays clean and laundry gets done, and probably a million other "little" things that are basically the nuts and bolts of life.

It may not sound very exciting, but if you didn't do those things, believe me, his stress levels would rise and you would both soon feel out of control of your lives. Being a healthy, happy wife who is growing his child and meets his physical and emotional needs is the best thing you can be for him right now. Men can tolerate a lot of stress if they believe they have the admiration, support, and help of their wives.

Posts: 5367
4/17/12 4:21 A

you can not be super woman. You need to focus on growing a person and let some other things fall away right now. I helped my hubby with an online class that he was doing and, although he did well in the class, he ended up not finishing because he was not vested in the schooling at that time (too many other things going on). It is okay to delay his education if other things are needing to take priority. This sounds like a good time to start simplifying your lives, trust me once baby gets here things get much more complex!! Best of luck on the pregnancy and your hubbys new business.

Posts: 1
4/16/12 11:19 P

So recently I decided to help my husband with some school work. he works full full time, try to start up his new office. He is out of the house by 9 and he returns about 10pm. It is a big commitment starting up a new office with all the required dynamics that are involved. Well, I decided to help him with his school work, yes he is still in school, ex military man. Always looking for better. Well I tried, I tried to help, but now I feel bad because I couldnt be of much help. He works and works for US and I couldnt help him with this one little thing. The class was ethics and it was online, but it requires so much of his time, and he already has none as it is. 2 class discussions post a day, 2 papers due by Monday, and 3 class questions due before Monday as well...along with keeping open communication with classmates that are all over the United States. I don't know if its been so long since I've been in school, and it just seemed to be too much or if it was just ethics...I think it was just the ethics and it sucks. He understands but I just feel bad about the whole thing. Now he is going to have to withdraw from the class, again. Maybe its just something that is going to have to wait till after he opens his office. Mean while, me a say home mom, need to find some type of work to help out or feel more like an asset than i big bother. It is just something I feel since I was laid of back in Nov, and havent been able to find a job, now 4 months pregnant and showing. Its hard simply because there are so many emotions going on with now, that is just a little too much. I feel like Im not contributing much, because I have worked since I was 16 years old and now this wonderful man wants to take care of me. I feel useless also because I have always worked and now there's no coworkers to chitchat with and friends hardly invite you out because you dont drink any more. Its just hard to be a stay home mom...funny never thought I would be saying that. Its not hard physically, but mentally, and that alone can wear some one out just as much as physical labor. I just needed to vent. This is our first baby, first time for a lot of things, and getting use to some things and finding a new meaning to the word "self worth" is hard at this stage...difficult since Im just pregnant and not chasing around a toddler,hoping soon these feelings will change...I know from pregnancy books I've read that these emotions and mood swings are normal for pregnant woman, but how do I move on from them and go back to thinking about how happy I am that as I type this there is a little baby growing inside me, and Im doing that, my heart pumps for his, and my lungs breath for him, all the while he is swimming around in my belly. Love it!!!