In laws and preschooler...Advice please but long!

Posts: 103
1/21/12 4:37 P

I am sorry that you had to go through that. My MIL had a issue with what we were naming our first son, after my DH. Which I thought was none of her business. She got to name her children what she wanted, so I get to name mine what I want. Best of Luck!

Posts: 229
1/19/12 1:44 P

Thanks for your replies. I was gone a bit from here as his grandma did pass. My dh is still very upset about everything and says he's not ready to speak to them yet about what happened. I really believe that he will eventually have to have that talk like you said RileyMomma. I know that someday, my oldest will regret it also. I went through this with an aunt who favored me to my sister and at an older age, it disgusted me. Almost no one wants to see their siblings be treated as less than them.

Posts: 61
1/19/12 12:46 P

WOW! I thought my in laws were nosey in my parenting...but not that bad !I think you 9 or rather your hubby) needs to tell them they did their raising, and now it's your turn, and if they can't respect your routines, rules, etc. then they can't be around. I had to do this with my inlaws b/f they drove me CRAZY. As far as favoring your oldest, that is just sad, and one day they will regret it. Maybe they feel bad for not wanting you to have him??? Good luck, it sounds like a difficult situation :(

Posts: 2
1/5/12 9:03 P

Hi, in my opinion whether they are sick or not does give them a right to do anything to your child. Another, is like they told me once that if i dont stand up to them they will keep doing it. I use to let it go because i dindnt want my husband to get mad or feel bad but i came to the point where i couldnt take it anymore my husband wasnt going to thank me for it and my children dont have the need to support it so i told them to let me raise my children they already did their job with theirs now is my turn to learn and teach them how i was raise and is up to you but i think you should put a stop to it because like i said your children dont have a need to support it and when they grow up they may ask you why you didnt put a stop to it . Also regarding your other children trust me they will grow up remembering what they did to them and is their lost if they are not paying attention to the smaller kids they know when someone does love them as much. AS long as you and your partner love them and you guys have the same opinion and get along well no one else should matter.ITS YOUR LIFE AND YOUR DECISION

Edited by: ENEMANA30 at: 1/5/2012 (21:07)

Posts: 229
1/5/12 12:57 P

Thank you for your response. I needed to be reminded that their relationship problems are not mine (though it is hard for me to see/my kids to see). I've told him to consider giving time away to allow them time to think, but since he just found out his grandma overseas is dying now of cancer, he feels guilty continuing to withdraw contact. But I feel that her death, just like his other grandma's death last year, won't change/improve the issues. Time, hard thinking, and actual change in behavior will imo. Its just hard to stay out also when my ds is encouraged not to develop my them (mil said to dh she wants to keep him a baby forever to always have one)

Posts: 206
1/5/12 12:52 P

Sorry for all the misspellings, I was very quite disturbed at your in-laws actions and typing fast. I just can't believe that people would talk to and treat their grown child that way in front of their spouse and especially their grandchildren!!

Posts: 206
1/5/12 12:49 P

I believe it takes a village to raise a child, but at the end of the day mom and dad have the last say!! If your in-laws can't respect your rules and boundaries than, if it were me I would only let them have limited contact with my children. I would let them know that I appreciate their help and their input, but if they can't respect you or your dh's choices, then they have no options when it comes to the children. Being a parent is a huge responsibility and we as parents have enough weigh on us dealing with the every day obstacles that come our way, we definitly don't need, disrepectly and obviously quite rude people adding furthur problems!! As for the was they treat your dh, I've learned that people will only do what you allow them to do and until he stands up to them theres really nothing you can do. I've learned unless things get really extreme and are done in my face (like the comment your fil made, in which case I would have put them both out of my house) to stay out of his family spats.

Posts: 229
1/5/12 12:25 P

Okay, I'm going to try to keep this short. My in laws, husband, and I have had odds in the past as they were angry and that we had our first son afterwards. The first day I met them, they asked me why would I want to marry dh because he's an idiot. Dh just takes it :( They wanted us to live together unmarried but I didn't like the idea. We have been trying to work past it, spending time and everything.

However, my preschooler seems to sadly be placed in the middle of everything. Initially, they did not want me to have him. Then, after seeing him, things changed. When he was 10 months old my fil spanked him for playing with a door. I got upset as I don't believe in spanking babies! Now that he is older, they both, especially mil, treat him like a baby, feeding him on their lap and babytalk while ignoring my 2 actual babies (2 yr and 9 mo old). But then, mil says I hold newbie ds too much. Also, when they come, they always come with a trunk full of expensive stuff (for the preschooler) though we have requested they come with empty hands sometimes (don't like materialism).

The latest visit, my dh was getting the kids ready for bed routine. Mil and fil said he should get to stay up, it was already 10 pm. My dh said no and put preschooler ds to bed. He threw a tantrum for mil. Dh scolded him and told him to go to bed. Mil got mad and, as I entered the room, snuck behind dh and began beating my dh in the back/head. I quickly ordered her to stop, cleared the adults from my sons' room (2yr old began to cry), and put ds #1 to bed telling him he has to listen to dh.

After that, mil stated to me that dh is not loving enough/too hard on ds. They also say that I am unreasonable in not letting ds #1 visit as much. When dh tried to express his future expectation of respect, he was told by fil to go a bad place, you ungreatful offspring (the actual language was disturbing). Dh withdrew contact. A month later, they are trying to reach out again (ds#1 bd is coming and they want to come in the coming months) though unapologetic/unchanged.....


Edited by: SOPHISTOMOMMARN at: 1/5/2012 (12:30)