Need advice about jealousy of siblings

Posts: 805
7/23/12 7:51 P

My daughter was 12 when we had our son (me and her stepdad) and she was not impressed at all. I think most of all she dreaded not being a only child and having all the attention to herself so we made sure to always include her and give her attention so she would see the baby didn't steal "everything" from her. Teenage girls are very self-centered and not a lot can be said it needs to be shown. Even now she still gets jealous I believe of the baby and now we are having another one and she is ok but not ok with it. Her words "I hate you" when she found out. I think it is just hormones though as she seems fine with it now for the most part.

Posts: 10
7/15/12 7:22 P

I'm almost in the same boat. My husband's 13 year old son has told me multiple times that he doesn't want me to have children. He has no experience with having a sibling, but he is very insecure because he lives on another continent and gets to see his dad two months a year. I have an otherwise great relationship with him, and I've known him since he was 6.

I'm not even 7 weeks, so we haven't told him yet (he's summering with us, so we have time), but I will admit that I dread it.

Posts: 5367
7/4/12 1:33 P

part of the problem is....she's a teenage girl!! Oh the hormones!!!

I totally believe the not being a built-in babysitter rule is a good one. Also find ways to include her in the process (if she wants). My DD was 11 when we had her sister (the only other girl). She took birthing classes with me and attended the birth. Make special dates that you will be for you and her only. This may be difficult in the beginning when baby is more needy (during this stage your date night could be a movie and pizza at home where baby can be in the next room). My DD and I did lunch dates, went out for Starbucks, shopping trips (something for her), spa days (hair and nails).

Posts: 21
6/22/12 6:12 P

Jennette first off congratulations on you little one.

I can provide some understanding. I have a 13yr old daughter and was a single parent her whole life. Her biological father was re married when she was 5, and has since had 2 more children. She was pushed aside and left out on a lot of things with that side of her family because of the 'babies'. Causing a lot of hurt feelings. When I meet my husband her Step father she didn't want us to have children. Surprise we are due in a month. We have spent the last 8 months explaining to her that as crazy as a new baby will be, she will not be left behind or forgotten.

I have a feeling your step daughter ( who's world is her feelings and her friends...which is pretty small) might be feeling scared and left out. Also think about any of her friends who have had a similar situation, step parent new baby and I am sure she has heard all the negative. The best advice I can give let her know how much she is loved and give her a realistic view of how and what will change.

Some things we have guaranteed to her is
1. She is not a built in babysitter (which happened with her dad and step mom's children)
2. If she chooses to baby sit she will be paid, cash just like anyone else.
3. We will still attend all of her cheerleading and extra school events if not both parents always one.
4. No one will walk in our house and ignore her just to see the baby. Or they will be asked to leave.

Honesty is the best.
Yes, a lot of people will want to see and hold the baby.
The baby will get a lot of attention, yes its going to be different BUT we are a family you will not be pushed off or aside.

Sorry a little long winded I know lol

Posts: 2
6/21/12 1:25 P

When we announced my pregnancy over 7 months ago my 15 year old step-daughter wasn't pleased. We just decided she would have to have time to get used to having a new baby. We thought she was coming around because she would pat my stomach and kiss my belly and seemed happy. Well recently she has went on a hating spree. Now she hates me and hates the baby. She told me the baby was not her problem. She's being very disrespectful and down right evil thinking. We are not a typical step-family unit. I have been with her dad and her for 10 years. She has always lived with us as her mother could not care for her. So it's not like we are in and out of her life, because we have always been with her 100%. I'm not sure if this has come up because I am getting really close to my delivery date? I have only had one child and I do not have experience in this kind of issue. My son is 22 now and he is overwhelmed with joy. Does anyone have any clue what we should try to resolve this matter? We need to get it worked out fast because I hate the thought of having this baby with hatred and anger in the house.