Angry and annoyed

Angry and annoyed blog

Yep, I just feel angry and annoyed a bunch, every little thing drives me nuts, and I am at the point where it is almost funny and I have to laugh at myself for being so mad about whatever I am mad about. That is the best part, most of the time I have no idea what I am mad about. The dog annoys me, or a co-worker annoys me, or everything annoys me. But today was a better day. I didnt' even get annoyed when the gas station I went to on my way home was closed. And that made me quite happy to not be annoyed and angry. Let's just hope that this continues. I felt so bad on Sunday, just awful. The dog was annoying me, I yelled at him a bunch, then I yelled at my husband a bunch and well, it was just not good. The best part was being on the water, of course, and I still wakeboarded and felt at peace, but the stupid dog was barking and argh...just so annoyed with him.

So, I cried a bunch, I sat in the shower and cried, I laid on the floor and cried, but realized something...as I laid next to my dog and could feel his heart beat, I put a hand on my baby and felt him move...and it just all felt right. It felt so good to tell the dog i was sorry, but it mostly felt good to just lay there with him, pretend like he could understand me apologize for being a bad dog mom on the day, understanding that he was making me mad, ha, not that he understood, he was just being a dog...anyways...it was a moment where I realized I can't be perfect, I can't expect myself to have a perfectly clean house all the time, I can't expect myself to know what I am going to do is always going to be right, i can't expect to know everything and I can't expect myself not to lose my cool. And that is all right, just knowing that will get me one step closer to being as at ease, calm and peaceful as I can be.

it was a good moment, to feel so lousy about my abilities, it reminded me to get back to the exercises where I center myself, like yoga, or just taking 5 minutes a night to focus on me and focus on calming my energy and channeling them to be the most beneficial. I was reminded to that no one is perfect...and all I can do is the best. I see myself being calm with my baby and consoling him, not getting worked up when he cries and i don't know why. I know the dog sensed i was working up and kept pushing my buttons and I know the baby will do that as well. So, I have to take these few months left to center myself, remember who I am and what is important to me. I have to take this time to eat right and workout and keep my lifestyle on track - and make habits that will stick, even when the baby comes. And I have to just remember to relax and be flexible...I won't be able to control anything but the way I feel...so I will work on keeping control of that and seeing where the rest of the pieces fall.

So, today, not so annoyed and angry - thankfully!
8.7.2012

Member Comments About this Blog Entry

	"well sound like you learned some good lessons that will help you when baby comes. It'll make the crash course on parenting that much easier for you." -- JACKIE2002