Letter #1 to Baby Aaron

Letter #1 to Baby Aaron blog

This is the first time I’ve actually written something to you, though I’m sure I’ll regret not doing it sooner. I have so very much to share! It sorta makes me wish it was just you and I over coffee at my favorite coffee shop (and you were old enough to drink coffee). I’d tell you what it feels like to have you inside of me, the joy you bring when you roll and kick, and the sadness I feel when I don’t feel you move after some emotional event in our day together.

Because you are attached to me, a part of me is so afraid you really do feel what I feel. I don’t want you to feel the pain that I feel, only the joy and peace. I feel a lot of that too- joy and peace. I feel a whole lot of wonderful things! You’ll see!! You have such wonderful days ahead of you. Your father is so amazing. I think you are the most blessed child on earth (along with your older sister), truly! Your older sister is pretty special too!

Today we are spending the day together as a family. Each of us stops our work and takes the day to be together and rest. It’s especially nice for me because I’m on what’s called bed rest right now. A week ago I began to bleed. I think it’s one of the scariest things a pregnant woman can face. You aren’t supposed to bleed when you are pregnant, and when you do, it means something is wrong. I’ve yet to know all the answers, but I do know a few things.

I have marginal placenta previa right now. It’s where the warm, wonderful, fluffy sack you feel isn’t where it’s supposed to be. It can be dangerous. I didn’t think it would be an issue for us, but it is I guess. If things don’t change, we’ll have to have a C-section. That’s a biggo word for a cut in Mommy’s belly. I don’t mind surgery, and I won’t mind the scheduled delivery. As long as you are fine, I’ll be fine. So for now, I have to rest as much as possible so that I don’t continue to bleed. It’s working! I haven’t had a whole lot of issues and none that scare the docs. I think I’ll be okay if I just continue in this direction. I’m sure trying to keep you in me as long as you need to be! If you were to be born right now, you’d be in a bit of trouble. You’d feel more pain than you should, and I’m sure you’d hear a whole lot more of my cries than you would if you were born after week 37 or so. Stay inside of me, okay? Stay as long as you need to. I don’t want you to be introduced to this world any sooner than you have to be. I pray a whole lot about that!!

I think one reason I didn’t write to you earlier is because I’m afraid I’ll lose you. You see, before your sister was born, you had an older brother or sister. I lost that baby. That baby is in heaven now. We’ll all meet him/her one day, but for now, we’re here on earth. We are going to face all sorts of hard times simply because we are here on hearth and not in heaven yet. A part of me is afraid one of those hard times that I will face is losing you. I’m not sure what I’d do if God allowed me to go through that. I’ve really, really bonded with you. Being on bed rest has given me time to be still and feel you. I know I wouldn’t have done that otherwise. Your Mommy is very active!! I fill my days with a lot of things, most of which keep me walking. I’m sure you sleep wonderfully during the time I’m up.

You just kicked me…I love it!! You move so much more than your older sister did. I am so thankful for that! I wonder what you look like. I don’t think about that a whole lot, to be honest. If you are anything like your father and older sister, you’ll be perfect! I love you, sweet baby Aaron. You have been in my belly for 27 weeks, and I’ve loved every moment. I knew I was going to get pregnant with you, and I knew I’d love you but nothing like I actually do. You are very, very loved!! I’m very honored to be your Mommy and I’m thankful you are my son.

Until next letter, rest well precious child of mine. Grow and mature. Let God do all he needs to do in order to make you ready to meet me. Then when we finally do meet face to face, I’m sure I’ll have a lot to update you on. We have plenty of time, but for now I’ve gotta run. We’ll talk again soon :)

I love you!
~Mom