This is the first time Iíve actually written something to you, though Iím sure Iíll regret not doing it sooner. I have so very much to share! It sorta makes me wish it was just you and I over coffee at my favorite coffee shop (and you were old enough to drink coffee). Iíd tell you what it feels like to have you inside of me, the joy you bring when you roll and kick, and the sadness I feel when I donít feel you move after some emotional event in our day together.
Because you are attached to me, a part of me is so afraid you really do feel what I feel. I donít want you to feel the pain that I feel, only the joy and peace. I feel a lot of that too- joy and peace. I feel a whole lot of wonderful things! Youíll see!! You have such wonderful days ahead of you. Your father is so amazing. I think you are the most blessed child on earth (along with your older sister), truly! Your older sister is pretty special too!
Today we are spending the day together as a family. Each of us stops our work and takes the day to be together and rest. Itís especially nice for me because Iím on whatís called bed rest right now. A week ago I began to bleed. I think itís one of the scariest things a pregnant woman can face. You arenít supposed to bleed when you are pregnant, and when you do, it means something is wrong. Iíve yet to know all the answers, but I do know a few things.
I have marginal placenta previa right now. Itís where the warm, wonderful, fluffy sack you feel isnít where itís supposed to be. It can be dangerous. I didnít think it would be an issue for us, but it is I guess. If things donít change, weíll have to have a C-section. Thatís a biggo word for a cut in Mommyís belly. I donít mind surgery, and I wonít mind the scheduled delivery. As long as you are fine, Iíll be fine. So for now, I have to rest as much as possible so that I donít continue to bleed. Itís working! I havenít had a whole lot of issues and none that scare the docs. I think Iíll be okay if I just continue in this direction. Iím sure trying to keep you in me as long as you need to be! If you were to be born right now, youíd be in a bit of trouble. Youíd feel more pain than you should, and Iím sure youíd hear a whole lot more of my cries than you would if you were born after week 37 or so. Stay inside of me, okay? Stay as long as you need to. I donít want you to be introduced to this world any sooner than you have to be. I pray a whole lot about that!!
I think one reason I didnít write to you earlier is because Iím afraid Iíll lose you. You see, before your sister was born, you had an older brother or sister. I lost that baby. That baby is in heaven now. Weíll all meet him/her one day, but for now, weíre here on earth. We are going to face all sorts of hard times simply because we are here on hearth and not in heaven yet. A part of me is afraid one of those hard times that I will face is losing you. Iím not sure what Iíd do if God allowed me to go through that. Iíve really, really bonded with you. Being on bed rest has given me time to be still and feel you. I know I wouldnít have done that otherwise. Your Mommy is very active!! I fill my days with a lot of things, most of which keep me walking. Iím sure you sleep wonderfully during the time Iím up.
You just kicked meÖI love it!! You move so much more than your older sister did. I am so thankful for that! I wonder what you look like. I donít think about that a whole lot, to be honest. If you are anything like your father and older sister, youíll be perfect! I love you, sweet baby Aaron. You have been in my belly for 27 weeks, and Iíve loved every moment. I knew I was going to get pregnant with you, and I knew Iíd love you but nothing like I actually do. You are very, very loved!! Iím very honored to be your Mommy and Iím thankful you are my son.
Until next letter, rest well precious child of mine. Grow and mature. Let God do all he needs to do in order to make you ready to meet me. Then when we finally do meet face to face, Iím sure Iíll have a lot to update you on. We have plenty of time, but for now Iíve gotta run. Weíll talk again soon :)
I love you!
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