Our first apt was July 2nd. We met the lady we hope will be my OBGYN- She told us to just call her "Christy". She has a kind face, is thoughtful, and truly listens. We wanted a midwife, but would later find out that only low risk pregnancies can have midwives, and I would not be classified as low risk. We go to the Brody Outpatient Clinic less than a mile from home, and all in all, things could be worse. They took five vials of blood for tests, and rescheduled the ultrasound for July 9th, because there were too many scheduled that day. So we had to wait a week to make sure all was well.
July 9th- the ultrasound, both external and internal, went well. Not the torture we were so fearful of. The experience was beyond words. The internal showed so much detail! The egg sack, the umbilical cord, the eyes, ears, cheekbones, nose... so breathtakingly beautiful!!! Then the sweet little jelly bean waved at us, and a few seconds later, flexed the whole body.... WOW! I began to sob, the feeling of joy, of peace, of sheer gratefulness to G*d that such a miracle not only happened, but to us, finally, after ten years of wanting a child more than life itself, it overwhelmed me, and I cried sweet tears. Jana was tearful as well. The baby looked exactly the way it does in books! Then the nurse and technicians said all was well, and then ( like a good American,lol) we went to McDonald's to celebrate. It was the most amazing day of my life, thus far. I was so grateful- for a healthy baby and for having Jana to share it all with... I love her so much!
July 11th- this appointment was with my psychiatrist. Usually I don't talk about my shrink, but to be honest, this was also an important visit, because he explained to me that because I am bi-polar and un-medicated for the duration of the pregnancy, I am officially a "high risk pregnancy". So I had to come to terms with the fact that my dream of having a home birth with a midwife was not possible, and mourned the death of that dream for a few moments. But I am grateful that I like my OBGYN so much, that I have a wonderful wife, and a great doula, and that we have a birthing center attached to the hospital, so at least there is that compromise.
Also, my lactation consultant called, and told me my breastfeeding classes start in December, and that they are as dedicated to breastfeeding as I am!
G*d has given me wonderful gifts- a strong support team, a healthy baby thus far, and my morning sickness has reduced to occasional bouts, usually due to heat, anger, smell, or activity (like brushing my teeth). I am ever mindful of something a mom posted online: "This isn't about you, it's about the baby". So while I am disappointed that my dream of birthing with my beloved furry family to help me will not be my reality, I accept that there are some things I can not change. And with everything else going so well, who am I to complain? :-)
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