frustrated

frustrated blog

i'm feeling really frustrated today. i am about 14 dpo, af is due this weekend, and i used a frer and got a bfn this morning. my last pregnancy, i got a faint positive by now, so i know in my heart that i'm out for this month, even though i have been plagued by lots of symptoms. i have decided that symptoms are a lot of bunk. it's either in my head or just normal hormonal changes that are somehow now amplified since my MC. i have been in a foul mood for days b/c of bfn's. i'm just pissed off. i'm mad that ttc is taking over my life. i'm a teacher and off for summer, but i'm not even allowing myself to enjoy it. i'm pissed that i stopped running (which was the one thing that would have pulled me out of a funk like i've recently gotten into). i'm pissed that i had to stop teaching zumba b/c of fears of mc'ing again, the one job that i looked forward to every week and felt really fulfilled by. i'm pissed that i've gained 12 lbs b/c i don't work out anymore for fear of mc'ing. i'm angry that when my husband looks at me, he sees sadness, even when i'm trying to hide it. i'm pissed off that everyone around me is pregnant or just had newborns, and i'm sitting here feeling barren and worthless. i'm pissed that i let this whole ttc thing change who i am. i'm mad that i don't want to get out of bed and that i'm a downer to everyone around me b/c all i can think about is ttc or not having a baby when i should. this month has been an emotional roller coaster, and i don't know how many more months i can do this.
6.21.2012

Member Comments About this Blog Entry

	"I think that what you are feeling is completely normal! I have the same sorts of feelings! I don't know if it helps to know that you aren't alone - but sometimes it helps me feel more "normal"! I don't know why things happen and I'm sort of over the whole "everything happens for a reason" thing because it doesn't really comfort me - but I will say that it does help me to really try to focus on the things that I have and try to get a new hobby or try something new to get my mind off of things...." -- ANGIESEDMAK

	"Very deep! But it's great to vent! Releases all that inner frustration. I'm sure its very frustrating, (i couldnt say i understand) but youre not alone, I hope it all works out, don't lose patience, don't give up. Try speaking to your obgyn, being coached could possibly make a difference in ttc." -- BABYFITAVERY12