|This journey is hard blog
This is from my SparkPage on the other site..but thought it was fitting for my first entry here.
Sometimes I don't say this out loud a lot. Not sure why. Maybe because I don't want to sound whiny. I managed to get myself to this point. I don't like whining about my weight or weight loss because it's my own fault. I lost a lot of weight. The right way. I looked great, felt better and was on my way to be a happy healthy bride. Then wedding planning struck. And an apartment that never got cooler than 86 degrees. Ever. And a demanding job as editor of a small newspaper with a staff of three including myself. Then the wedding, getting laid off from my new job...working in a mall with inconsistent hours and breaks. My legs hurt all the time. I found balancing newly-wed bliss and exercise difficult. I wasn't comfortable working out in front of my new husband because I always did my work outs alone before...because I lived alone. I have finally gotten over that little annoyance.
Thank the Lord, because now I find myself nearly two years married and at my heaviest weight. I am also on this lovely little thing called high blood pressure medication. Wowza. Talk about another wake-up call. Chris and I made a deal a long time ago that there would be no "baby" discussion until I was healthy. And healthy is surely not 50 pounds overweight and on high bp meds.
I have been working out and being at least a little more conscious of foods that are going in my mouth. I am finding it way more challenging than the last time. The difference between these journeys is night and day. Maybe because now it's not just me. Now it's a husband who works 7 days a week and me. And my "little sister" and my job that keeps adding more and more to my plate.
My best friend from high school just found out she's expecting. We hang out about once a month and keep in touch a lot on Facebook. She has spent five years thinking she couldn't get pregnant. Weight issues, reproductive issues, issues with her relationships with husbands/boyfriends.
She was praying about it one day after reading a story about conception and the next day she just knew. Sure enough, she's about 7 weeks along and due the end of January.
She just got her certification in fitness training, but had put some of the weight back on herself. I introduced her to BabyFit through sparkpeople and told her I was on there as "preconception" except I'm not even preconception because we're not trying to conceive yet. That gets me really, really bummed.
Then she said something that hit me hard, but in a good way. She sent me a message and said "Hey, I wish I would have gotten fit and healthy before I got pregnant."
Now she's thrilled for this opportunity, and I know that she'll do everything possible to have a healthy pregnancy, despite her weight issues...but she's right.
It's OK that we don't get to be baby buddies, because I can give my future child something great. I can give them the healthiest me I can be. I need to print off a picture of a baby, or an ultrasound and tape it on the inside of our cupboards and refrigerator and lunch box. I need to remind myself that it's not just for me. It's not just for Chris, it's for little light in my eye that is my yet conceived child.
I pray that I can stay on track, be the best me, and maybe...a year from now Chris and I will start the discussion of when.
Because holy cow do I have baby fever lol.