What a difference 12 hours makes....

What a difference 12 hours makes.... blog

...just yesterday I was on such a high, feeling so great, soaking up the sunshine and then it happened. I had a huge freakout. We went climbing and I was frustrated. I am getting worse instead of better and that makes me upset. I felt worse than I did the very first time we went - well, I didn't feel that bad. But I was frustrated. And I didn't know how to release it. Climbing was supposed to be one of those things tha kept me feeling normal. Climbing was supposed to remind me that I am strong and can still do things, instead, I let myself beat myself up. I was mad because I couldn't do the climb right the first time, I was upset because I was so sweaty and tired from a climb I have done with no problem. I had to stop and take breaks and rest - so lame! And while I know that isn't true, that is how it feels, It feels like I just have to prepare to get WORSE at things instead of better and that is hard. How do you go from always wanting to be the best and get personal bests and such to kinda just sucking at things?

I know, I know, I have a baby growing inside of me, so everything I do is going to be harder, I am hauling more of myself up the wall, working harder, so in some ways, I am a better climber. I don't know, I just don't feel like it.

So, I have 2 choices (and I couldn't even stop the crying last night to think of these - I tried, but it was too tough - I was too angry at myself for everything, for being mad that I have to get worse at things, for feeling selfish because I am missing out on all kinds of fun things, for feeling like I am going to be a terrible mom because - well, just because.) . But today I see my choices. And I can give up, and forget about getting fit and working hard, or I can accept that I am not going to get better at things, but just work hard to stay strong. And I want to make the second choice, I really do - I really want to be strong, work out hard enough to keep my muscles happy and just see how it all plays out. I have to remember that a baby is growing inside of me and that is a pretty huge and amazing thing. I tend to forget that, I just want to be awesome at everything I do - and when I can't be, it isn't as much fun.

But now I have to take on a new attittude, now isn't the time to get better at things, now is a time to better myself, mentally and physically. I can work to get my muscles strong to support my body so that when the baby comes, I will be ready to be back into doing things. I can work to get my mind in a settled and happy place - I can unclutter my mind and allow myself to open up to the all the possibilities that are in front of me and my new family. I can clear my head and get straight all the things I want to have straightened out by the time the baby comes. And I can be a strong and wonderful pregnant woman and a strong and wonderful mom. It is just so easy not to think that sometimes. But let's turn the page, at least for today, and look up - and take it one day at a time - and make each day count with my baby and family now - and not waste time crying, being upset and judging myself, no one needs that - there are enough people out there judging me! Here's looking to the rain today to cleanse me of my negative feelings and moving forward with a smile and positive feelings!
5.31.2012

Member Comments About this Blog Entry

	"I think one of the most difficult things to learn when you become pregnant is to pace yourself. Things take more time and you just are not physically capable of the quality/quantity of work you used to do. (Thank heavens it's temporary!) I've had to learn that if I push myself the way I did pre-pregnancy I will pay for it for a couple of days. So even though in my "normal" life I would consider myself a lazy bum, right now slow and steady seems to win the race. You're doing a great job! Oh..." -- NURSE11EMS

	"i feel that same kind of frustration. you work so hard to get fit always pushing yourself to do better and then bang your sick and too tired to work out or do anything really then when you do start feeling like you can again its frustrating what you could do just a few weeks ago is so much harder to do now. It's hard for someone who is so driven to achieve their goals to then go into a holding pattern something i have trouble with every pregnancy. i just have to keep telling myself i am only hu..." -- JACKIE2002

	"Best way to be - take each day ONE DAY AT A TIME! It will all work out. Focus on being healthy and strong and not making it a competition with yourself! And the freak outs are totally normal! That's your hormones surging. I have cried twice this morning already! Cheers lady - it will all be ok and you have us ladies as support!" -- KASONSMOMMA82