Well, it turns out that I was not pregnant. I ran the Warrior Dash after getting a few negative pregnancy tests at home, and my friend Samantha and I had a blast. Turns out, though, that I got a bacterial infection in my lower abdomen from it, so I had a blood pt done that confirmed that I was not pregnant. So here I am in limbo, waiting on a normal period so we can try again. AF came for about a half day last week and disappeared but I think is about to return. I think I am going to start temping this month to see if I can note any temp spikes to help me figure out when i'm ovulating, since AF isn't going to be much help being all erratic. that way, if I don't get pregnant this month, at least i can start charting my temperature and figure out over a few months when i'm most likely to ovulate.
Some days, I don't think about it much, but days like today, I long so much to be getting ready to have my little one. I wish it had turned out differently for me. I had hoped MC wouldn't destroy my joy and excitement of being pregnant for the first time. I can never again say, "this is my first baby, my first pregnancy." As much as I want to get pregnant again, I am terrified that this next one will be filled with apprehension, worry, and maybe sorrow again.
5.6.2012
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