Still shocked!

Still shocked! blog

Yes, we are expecting - it seems unreal to me right now, seems like it isn't true. I took a test, it said it was true, I didn't believe it, so I took another. We had been trying for about a year and now all of a sudden, here we are! And I am excited - I think! But it is so strange - there are so many feelings and emotions I have to work through. I was just on a great workout and weight loss roll, lost 10 pounds since the beginning on March and now, in a way, I have to give that up. I have to shift my thinking - and that took a few days, and I am still in the process of shifting my thinking. I am no longer going to focus on the jumps I will be landing this summer on the wake board.

Instead, I will be figuring out all the things I am still able to do that make me who I am. I won't be able to do the mountain bike race this summer - bummed about that, I was going to tear it up! And it almost seems not fair that I have to give up all these things. I know that isn't the right way to look at it, but it anyone else out there thinking these thoughts? Or have had these thoughts? I feel selfish for thinking it. And maybe it will all change once I hear the baby's heartbeat or get a confirmation from the doctor that the baby is there. But, well, the past few days have been me adjusting. Adjusting to the new lifestyle - I eat pretty well, I workout, and I don't even really drink that much, so the biggest thing I will miss will be my activities.

I know I can find other activities, but the thing is, these activities are all newish to me and I finally felt like this summer was going to be the one where I was awesome at everything. This was going to be the summer where I had a six pack and was in the best shape ever - I was on my way - and now that has to change. I have to focus on different things. And while the process of getting there has caused me to cry a few times, I feel like I am getting there. I am ready to be a fit, pregnant woman who can take care of myself, still do things I want to do and all while making sure it is all right for my baby. I don't want to sit around and sleep and watch TV my whole pregnancy - I want to work to keep moving and keep myself in shape. Is that selfish? I dont' think so, isn't the saying a happy mommy makes a happy baby?

Why are there so many things/people on the internet that call you selfish because you want to keep your active lifestyle? Is it wrong that I want to make sure I stay the person I am while having a baby? I know that my life will change, I am not stupid, but right now, when there isn't a baby around to have to care for (even though I will care for it while it is inside me) and we still have some freedom, why can't we take advantage of that? Can I still go hike some 14ers this summer in Colorado like planned? Will people stare and scoff at me? Does that make me selfish? And can't I still be a little selfish before the baby gets here? Does that make me a bad person? I am taking care of myself, I am not drinking or smoking or gaining 80 pounds. Doesn't that count for anything?

Or now that I am pregnant, do I have to give up everything? Do I have to give up who I am and now just sit and talk about babies? Do I have to change who I am? We told my husband's brother and his wife, who were very excited! They have been asking us when we are having kids since we got married. And my sister in law proceeded to tell me she was excited that she now has someone that will sit "on land" with her during the family vacation. Well, that's not me, that's not my plan. My plan is to do as much as I can while on the trip. After all, next year on the vacation, I will have a baby to look out for. This year, I can take it with on the boat and the kayak and wherever else I go. My plan is not to change who I am, at least for as long as I can.

And I tell people that, and they say, well, you are having a baby, that will change things. Yes, I understand that, and maybe I am living in a world of fantasy by thinking I can still be who I am while I have a child, but isn't that my right? Isn't it up to me what I do after the baby is born as well? I understand that from this moment forward my life will change - I mean, it has already! But what I don't need is people telling me all the ways that I need to change. Huh, I think I just realized that statement now. I don't want people to tell me all the ways I have to change. I want to figure out for myself how I have to change to make things happen. And maybe they are all right, maybe my life will be totally different then I imagine, but isn't that up to me? Yes, that is up to me. Not up to other people to tell me.

So, while it is too early to tell people, I look forward to telling the people that will support me (not that those that are telling me different things don't support me) and support the things I want to do. I look forward to figuring out with my husband how we will maintain our awesome lifestyle with our baby and how we will make sure that this kid is just as awesome as we are! And that makes me smile and makes me excited!!

4.4.2012

Member Comments About this Blog Entry

	"i am in the same boat as you. This is my fourth baby. All of my pregnancies i have been very active. I have been on the same weight loss roll to when i found out i was pregnant and i felt those same feeling i have had to also change my thinking from losing weight to maintaining a healthy body for my baby to grow in. All my other pregnancies i had a lot of people condemn me for staying active id get those looks of what the heck is she doing she's pregnant, but i had read a lot of information and ..." -- JACKIE2002

	"Well said!!! I too have been on a exercise/weight loss run for some months now and it bothers me to have to change how i was doing things!! I don't plan on taking a year off maternity (in canada) and no one seems to understand why I won't. I don't want my job to change, I want to get back to work and do the same thing I use to do. I want to be able to support my child in whatever he/she needs, and for me to do that I need to work! Unemployment is just not enough. It's not as if I'll be working f..." -- NATDES28