Can you see it? His hand on my face? Oh how I love him! He explores everything, and I LOVE it when he touches my face. I really wanted a child who was this full of love! With my DD, I never had this, so I'm eating this up!! Just had to share, lol! 5.11.2013
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Feels like the calm before an elaborate but beautiful storm, and it's only a matter of time before it hits. Dh still doesn't have a job, but we are so full of joy. I can only explain it as a "God thing." We have only a few ideas of how we are going to make ends meet, but it's as if someone told us that right around the corner we will have a house and all the things we've been praying for.
Update on baby Aaron: He's now 6 months old! It seems in the last 72 hours he has decided he wants to eat solids and wants to actually open his mouth for a spoon--quite the battle up until this point. He is now making a very real effort to sit up and LOVES to watch me! I think I'm his best friend!! Oh how fun!
Weird tid-bit... I'm REALLY, REALLY, REALLY losing my hair. I can't wait to look back at this blog entry and have this stupid problem be one of the past. I just got a hair cut to hide the volume issue, and I love it! It's an angled cut that is shorter in the back than the front. I haven't had short hair since brain surgery 13 years ago, and I actually miss this length! I have to have it professionally cut every once in awhile to keep this look, but that's all part of the fun, I guess. We used our tax return to give me this look. Thank God for little blessings like that- both tax returns and new hair cuts!
I am sitting here listening to my DD and DH laugh. Today is a Sunday, and with all of our issues however great or small, we are together and safe. Regardless of what Monday brings, I have so much to be thankful for!
4.21.2013
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Never thought 100 PP would go by so fast or so wonderfully! Ohhh... I am so thankful for my DH. He is the only reason I'm not locked in my house crying. I'm still in a strange land, mind you (I just moved prior to my stay in L&D), and know really only the ladies at my DD's school. I think I would be going crazy without real people - you know the ones who know English! Oh, my goodness. I can only imagine how hard it would be without my DH!
So here is what is going on. I'm still pumping each time Aaron feeds and only BFing when I want (rarely!). DH bottle feeds Aaron at nearly EVERY. SINGLE. FEEDING. Wonderful DH!! He is amazing and never complains. I look over at him some times and wonder what the other girls would think, you know, the girls who passed him by? Hehe... I got the one who might have gotten away...
Anyway, back on subject, I'm doing fine other than blood coming out of my right breast. Keeping a check on that for sure! I have read up on it and just watching for now. It has only happened twice now.
Aaron is sleeping reallllly well too!! Last night he slept 11 hours. BABY WISE really worked for us. Aaron seems to be putting himself on the schedule thought! DD did the same thing.
Health watch: Aaron's umbilical hernia is shrinking (they said it would), but it shrank more after we prayed. He still isn't doing as much as I'd like though. He seems slightly delayed. I'm wondering if it was the way he was delivered and the long wait in my vagina or the cord around his neck? Eeeehhhh Time will tell.
Other than that, this child is gaining weight and is truly a precious ray of absolutely delicious sunshine!!
1.25.2013
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My DD and I planned to go to so many places and do so many things, but all we ended up doing was going to McDonald's. I never thought she needed so much one-on-one time! She needs to know I think she's special, of course, and time alone with me can do that... But I never expected to learn so much about her. She told every stranger she met that it was "Just Girl's Day!" or "Mommy & Daughter Day!" and looked to have so much fun.
I learned she is so much like ME! It really brings back my childhood when I see her grow and mature. Ohhhh how I want to protect her from so much!! I plan doing Mom&DD day a whole lot more often. If I can get my BUSY BUTT out of the kitchen and into the car... 1.9.2013
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I pump and Dh gives breastmilk in a bottle to baby Aaron. We sometimes supplement with formula for varies reasons, but for the most part, Aaron gets my milk. Recently, we had a couple of fussy episodes, so...just for personal record...
Had LOADS of chocolate and dairy days before Christmas and all the way up to New Year's Eve. Also had a couple cups of coffee with creamer each day (that never seems to bother Aaron).
Currently, baby Aaron is less fussy since I cut back on the loads of chocolate, but still has diarrhea. Crazy Diarrhea
I plan to cut out chocolate completely after the New Year (until I know it's not affecting him), and I plan on cutting out dairy except for the ever needed cup of coffee in the morning. Hopefully that will return him to his normal sweeeet self!
12.31.2012
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"Hi, Jess! Unfortunately it was regular diarrhea. It's cleared up some as of today, but now I just have spit-up and turbulent feedings. We're still trying to figure out what the cause is, so thanks for the website tips! Hugs, ~Sonya" -- USPLUSONE
"is it true diahrea or is it just loose stool? Loose stool is really common in breast fed babies... as is pooping every time you feed them. Dont forget to check out some websites like Kelly Mom and Le Leche League if you need some ideas or pointers!
Hugs! I owe you a real letter lady! ~Jess" -- HC2007
I recently read an article about adding yourself in the pics of your newborn baby. Today I decided to do just that. I had my husband grab a camera while I talked to baby Aaron on the floor of our master bathroom. I have no make-up on and my hair is definitely "homely." Who cares, though, right? Years from now I won't care what my hair looked like or what shirt I was wearing. These pics are priceless...and so were these moments with my son and our "conversation" as he learns to talk to me.
12.22.2012
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"I really like the idea of putting mom in the pictures - so often I just take pictures of DS alone!" -- ANGIESEDMAK
I'm about 6 lbs from PPW, but I'm sure a lot of that is breast milk! I feel a bit "fluffy" around my stomach, but that is going quickly--especially when I decrease my carbohydrates. During this time of year it's difficult (holiday chocolate is far too enticing!), but I'm slowly doing it! I fit completely into my jeans, but they are still tight. If I wore a large sweat shirt, I'd cover it all up... so fun! 6 lbs to go isn't that much! I'm SOOOO thankful I didn't gain that much during pregnancy. This is exactly what I wanted!
I'm only 8 weeks postpartum :) I still have LOADS of time to reach my goal and more. I am so thankful for the food tracker on this site! I decided to sorta start over after I posted my progress. I wonder how long it will take me if I actually eat within the recommended guidelines... Thought I've been keeping track of EVERYTHING I consume, I have exceeded my goal nearly every day of this 8 weeks postpartum. Lets turn that around, shall we? 12.14.2012
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The date was October 16th, 2012. I had just gone to McDonald’s for the biggest chicken wrap they made, but now I was late- late for my own scheduled induction. I detest being late for anything, so this was quite embarrassing for me. I walked to the Labor and Delivery Department of the hospital and announced my arrival. “My name is Sonya, and I’m a half-hour late.” I said with sarcasm. The nurse at the front desk giggled and ushered me back to the room where I would give birth.
The room was next door to the room I had occupied just a month prior. I had had complications throughout the pregnancy up until week 36 of gestation. In retrospect, I believe the Perinatologist I was assigned concluded that I was having multiple bleeds due to different stages of Placenta Previa, in addition to Placenta Abruption at different points in the pregnancy. We wouldn't discover any of the above until after delivery, and it was a very long wait to get all those answers.
My husband and I walked into the labor room and met my nurse. She was a bit impatient as she tried to line up all my personal information and correct everything on file for me. Because I had been admitted to the Labor and Delivery department so many times during pregnancy, several nurses had made many mistakes with my personal history and medications. As we worked at the corrections, I nervously watched the clock. It was 11 o’clock pm and we hadn’t even started the induction yet. I really wanted to give birth on the date of my choice: October 17th. I knew I only had about 24 hours to go before that chance had passed. Labor and delivery for my daughter took about 36 hours, so naturally I was nervous.
Eventually Cytotec was inserted vaginally, and the contractions began. I wasn’t dilated enough to be given Pitocin, and I was actually a little sad about it. I had been given Pitocin during labor of my daughter and didn’t mind the drug. By early morning, I was given my second dose of Cytotec, and my body seemed to want October 17th as baby Aaron’s birthday as much as I did.
Labor stalled after a few hours, and they gave me Pitocin. I labored for six hours with just intravenous drugs and then decided to have an epidural when I was 4 cm dilated. I had planned on this type of labor and delivery after I was told during pregnancy that I would more than likely have a C-section due to the numerous ongoing complications- and that I was going to need an epidural anyway.
Over the next 10 hours, baby Aaron’s heart seemed to have difficulty with Pitocin, so it was administered intermittently. Each time I turned on my left side for any duration, Aaron’s heartbeat became extremely unstable. The nurse I had been given was training a student who accompanied her most of the time she attended me. When Aaron’s heartbeat was unstable, I could see the worry on her face and then see her turn to the student and talk about different scenarios that could play out if the baby’s heart didn’t respond (start beating again) or if it came back and then suddenly dropped. Luckily, each time baby Aaron’s heart started showing signs of distress, the nurse would move me to my right side, and Aaron’s heart would stabilize. This happened on several, several occasions.
Once I was 8 cm dilated, labor completely stalled. We came to find out later that Aaron’s umbilical cord had been wrapped twice around his neck and head. Each time he would descend into the birth canal, the umbilical cord would tighten, preventing delivery.
After 18 hours of labor, I suddenly felt the urge to push. I notified my nurse, and she confirmed that I was indeed 9.5 cm dilated, but there was still a bit of my cervix that hadn’t completely prepared for delivery. I had been in transition for well over 4 hours by that point, so she tried manually opening my cervix to no avail. After a few additional attempts at opening my cervix manually, she said, “Ya know, why not push? I don’t see anything coming of it, but I say you push anyway.”
I followed her advice and pushed with all my might. Aaron suddenly came all the way through the birth canal and began to enter the world. The nurse looked completely shocked as she called my Obstetrician. She then told me to slow down and wait for the doctor to arrive to push Aaron out completely. Aaron’s head remained half out of my vagina until the Obstetrician arrived. During the wait, I reached down and touched his head a few times. I have always wanted to do that!
The Obstetrician took a very long time getting to my room. We watched Aaron’s heartbeat, and as it quickly dropped, my mind was flooded with numerous stories of nurses delivering babies because the doctor took too long to arrive. I looked up at my nurse and waited. I saw her look at the fetal monitor and watch Aaron’s heartbeat herself.
“Is he okay?” I asked.
“Yeah,” the nurse nervously replied without taking her eyes off the monitor.
She wore the same wide-eyes and used the same tense tone of voice she had earlier when I had asked why Aaron’s heartbeat had stopped.
“I’m gonna push…” I said when his heartbeat dropped to around 80. I felt even more of baby Aaron’s head come out of me on its own. I knew the Obstetrician would prefer to be there, but the nurses looked completely competent to me in that moment. So with the next contraction I informed the room full of hospital delivery workers that I couldn’t help but push (which was only half true). The whole room seemed to be in harmony in telling me to wait. I am so very thankful I listened to everyone around me and that I didn’t push because if I would have pushed, baby Aaron would have been injured even more than he was and may have possibly died.
The next thing I knew, the Obstetrician came into the room. He nodded at the nurses who gave approval, and with one more push Aaron was out of me. The team of on-lookers saw the umbilical cord tightly wrapped twice around baby Aaron’s neck and up around one side of his head. The Obstetrician pulled Aaron free and held him up for me to see him. Aaron’s whole body was purple and hardly moved. His tiny cry was so weak. He had trouble breathing, so they took him to the N.I.C.U. for treatment and assessment.
Due to his long wait in the birth canal and vagina, there was a very large hematoma on his head. His head was malformed, and there was severe bruising where the umbilical cord had been around his neck. They suctioned fluid from his lungs, performed blood sugar tests, and after a very quick recovery, they let baby Aaron come home with me two days later.
And the drama didn’t end at birth. One week postpartum, I passed retained placenta. I’m still watching for signs of further complications due to additional retained placenta. Only time will tell…
12.13.2012
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I can't believe I haven't gotten on here sooner and typed about my little guy. He is everything I imagined he would be! I even recognized him as he came out of me.
I think his personality matches what it was in my womb. How awesome is that?!
Anyway, he is a very quiet and cuddly baby. He nurses well AND takes a bottle! That is a biggo answer to prayer. I didn't think we would use a bottle as much as we do, but most of this chapter is coming as a surprise to me. When I don't want to BF (like in the middle of the night), I pump and Dh feeds baby Aaron the breast milk. We add a tad of formula at times to make baby Aaron sleep longer at nights--not sure if that's working. I'm keeping an incredibly detailed log of everything, so we'll see over time what works for us. He is already sleeping longer than I imagined at this point. Ohhh that's fun!
Speaking of sleep, DH lets me sleep in the middle of the day! He takes care of DD (who is home a lot right now due to finances and expensive child care). I feel like I'm actually okay most of the time. I don't wear crazy bags under my eyes or walk crooked, lol.
This is by far much more joyful than I could have ever hoped for.
Baby Aaron is also really healthy. No health issues at all to report! He gained his birth weight very quickly and seems to be the perfect baby. Oh... and did I mention cuddly? So precious!
11.16.2012
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"I miss talking to you, too, and BUSY is definitely the word! I'll keep in touch. I hope you are doing really well!!" -- USPLUSONE
"So happy to hear this! I've missed talking to you but I know you are super busy as am I! Sweet Aaron looks a lot like my Owen! Cute!! =) Take care!!" -- HOPING_4_BABY
I am so surprised I've made it this far! We finalized the last minute details of my induction at the OB's office yesterday. I'm scheduled for a final visit at his office on Tuesday, then I'll either be admitted into L&D late that same night (if I haven't really progressed by that point), or I will be admitted the following day to receive pitocin, etc....and finally see baby Aaron!
Though I had pitocin with Faith (DD), I'm still nervous to have it. I think I'm just nervous, period! That hospital was really wonderful, but going back will be bitter-sweet in so many ways. I feel like I lived there for half of my pregnancy, and now the nurses that I've made friends with get to see the lil baby that was so worth the wait!
So for the last final week's weigh in... PPW: 149
At week #38, I've gained a total of 17.6 lbs
I have gained exactly 15 less than what I did with Faith, and I wasn't on bedrest at all with her. I'm excited to see what my PP jeans look like on me. Dh says I look like I've lost weight as the baby grew. We'll see soon! 10.11.2012
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"Thank you, Jess! I appreciate that :))" -- USPLUSONE
"Congratulations!! I am so excited for you!! Hugs ~jess" -- HC2007
It feels like forever since I last sat down and updated you on what was going on while you are growing inside of me. I feel like you could come any day now, so this might be my last letter while pregnant. I'm having contractions every day, so I'm getting ready! In two days, I'll be 38 weeks along. It really is a miracle you have had the chance to stay inside of me for as long as you have!!
For starters, I’m no longer in the hospital and haven't been there for well over 2 weeks. During this last visit, we ended up seeing someone who had a couple of job contacts for your father. Everyone (including the Christian nurse on duty) thought I bled just to get me into the L&D unit and see this particular lady again. As soon as we spoke to the lady, the bleeding stopped immediately, and they quickly sent me home! It was really odd, but looking back, it seemed to be a complete “GOD THING.” You’ll have lots of those in your life.
Anyway, right now Daddy and I are spending a lot of time together and enjoying time just to ourselves before your sister flies home this weekend from her visit with Grandma. We have been getting things ready for you to come too. We don’t have much at all for you, but I think we have the necessities—or at least I hope so. One week from today I will be getting ready to be induced! I’m a little scared about it, but I guess it’s the right thing to do given all of the issues I’ve had while carrying you.
You still move quite often, but I only get a glimpse of the show. Each time your Daddy puts his hand on my tummy you seem to know it and stop moving. I think it’s cute! You have the hiccups very often and you seem to love eggs (Mommy does too!). It looks like you are growing a lot right now, and I absolutely love it! I’m so thankful I’ve been able to rest at home and enjoy seeing you move inside of me. You will most definitely be my last child, so knowing that makes each moment very special.
I’m a little scared to have you out of my belly, Aaron. I’m a little scared I won’t be the mommy I was with your older sister or that you will be somehow unhealthy. There are all sorts of things going through my mind as your birthday draws near. One thing is for sure though, I pray and so does your father. I know God hears my prayers and we aren’t alone. He has protected you throughout this journey, and I have no doubt he will continue!!
Grow, grow, grow, my Dear! I love you more than you’ll ever know, and I’ll see you very soon. It will be fun to finally see your face and meet the baby that was so worth all the trouble I endured while carrying you. You sure caused me to draw near to God—and at the very least, I truly thank you for that!
I love you!
~Mom 10.9.2012
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"Thanks, BABY2200! I appreciate that :) I think if I didn't write letters here, I probably wouldn't. It will be really precious to look back at this time in my life and let Aaron get a glimpse of what was going on---because I'm sure I'll forget!" -- USPLUSONE
"I wish I could write like you...it was beautful and very touching to read this letter, thanks for sharing :)" -- BABY2200
Oh my gooooodnessss.... Not sure how to contain all this joy! Dh is getting a vasectomy tomorrow, and obviously, I'm extremely happy! Our baby-making days are done :) If it wasn't such a life-threatening thing for me to be pregnant, it would be different. I found another odd blood clot on my arm the other day. They say I'm probably making and storing them--all due to the fact I'm pregnant. I can't believe all my health issues that were exacerbated just by being pregnant. I sure learned a lot about the health care field just by having kids!
Anyway, I'm also mastering "the waddle." Boy, I'm good! Baby Aaron dropped, and I can't believe how funny I look when I walk! I giggle so often to myself when I see others look at me. Even when I get up from the table to walk to the kitchen I have to laugh at how funny it feels to walk when my hips hurt this much. The pain makes me giddy at times! This is all so funny because this will be my last baby, and I am so thankful---so very thankful for this chance to have kids, that it didn't hurt me more than it did, and that I'm done.
10.4.2012
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"Thank you! It's amazing... Dh just iced and took Ibuprofen like recommended, and he was up and about the next day (no need for pain pills). We kept expecting it to be a lot more drama :)" -- USPLUSONE
"Wishing you a quick recovery, best wishes. =)" -- BABY2200
I'm still at home *happy dance* and not back in L&D. It has been just over a day since my last bleeding episode, and though I have bouts of strong contractions, I haven't been spotting. I can't believe I have had ELEVEN bleeding episodes!!!
I'm very surprised I'm allowed to be home! Feels like I've been given a gift compared to the last 8 weeks of off and on admissions to L&D. As of the most recent u/s, I'm cleared for a vaginal delivery. Due to all the complications I've had, I'm sure everyone is still a bit cautious to tell me I'm in the clear just yet.
So this is the first belly pic I've taken here at home. The others were taken in my hospital room. I'm so excited I'm finally 34 weeks along! Honestly, I just want to make it to 36. Just two more to go...
This isn't the best pic, I mean I could have posed a little better (I was actually walking when DH took this pic), but I'm not really up for pics these days. I'll probably take a better one in the next few weeks. I'm not taking pics that often like other moms and nothing like my last pregnancy! I think I took belly pics every week with DD :) I honestly feel far too busy to stop and take a pic this time around... sorta pathetic.
So for the big weigh-in... At the moment, I'm not allowed to exercise, but I'm able to get up and make more of my own food...and it's obvious. Pregnancy is very different when you are allowed to exercise!
PPW: 149
Week #5: 150
Week #10: 154
Week #17: 156
Week #20: 159.8---- Moved to another state....and ate fast food the whole way there!
Week #23: 161.6---- Began to have massive complications with Placenta Previa-stressful!!
Week #27: 164.6---- Blood sugar issues!
Week #30: 166.8---- Started looking at my sodium intake (OH MY GOODNESS!!!)
Week #35: 165 --------Just began bleeding again, so back on bed rest I go... no exercise.
Total: +16 lbs
Not being able to exercise and being in and out of L&D most of weeks 23--34 through my pregnancy has really taken it's toll, but I plan on doing just like I did with DD, and get very active as soon as possible to regain my pre-pregnancy body :)
9.16.2012
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"Thanks you! Yeah, I can't believe we are on the home stretch. This time flew for me (though I was on bed rest a lot!). We're gonna see our babies soon! Good luck to you too :-) Make sure to come back and share how it went for ya!" -- USPLUSONE
"so happy for you and the pic looks good, i havent uploaded any just because im always on my phone rarely on the PC but i will try to upload one lol hey we're almost there!! good luck with the vaginal delivery remember to practice the breathing =)" -- BABY2200
Bleeding again this morning. I can't believe this is part of my story! I usually wouldn't write so often about things like this, but I think it's sometimes nice to look back and see how some horrible turn of events turned my heart to God. Bleeding throughout this pregnancy is definitely doing that. I sure pray a whole lot these days!
This time around, I'm not telling as many people I'm bleeding because I know what they will say- I know what I'd say! This is my 4th bleed and I've already been admitted to Labor & Delivery twice. Contrary to popular belief, there isn't a whole lot they can do for me at this point if I were to run back to the hospital (all the while bleeding as light as I am right now).
I had a feeling this would happen-- that as soon as Labor & Delivery discharged me, I'd bleed at home. So two days ago I had my OB change me back to the shorter acting blood thinner Heparin. He was very surprised I was switched off of Heparin to begin with.
During the most recent stay in the hospital, my regular Perinatologist had just come back from a two week vacation, and because I hadn't bled in a few days (3 to be exact), he dismissed me from L & D. He took a lot of liberties and changed me back to Lovenox, which is a longer acting blood thinner. He did all this thinking the placenta had moved (we later found that it was actually covering the cervix more than previously diagnosed), that things were fine because I wasn't currently bleeding, and that his expertise would tell him the result of a vaginal ultrasound. He was wrong, unfortunately. Nothing had changed.
I just found out it's sorta unheard of for a hospital to let a patient who has any sort of previa to leave the hospital after 3 bleeds. Usually, they hold them until they bleed again-and at that time, they deliver by c-section. Well, I know this is true for me too--though I'm still at home. I'm scared to be here but thankful too.
8.22.2012
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"Thank you, Child-O-God :) Well, since this entry, one week passed, and after bleeding quite heavily, I had to be admitted again ). I'm home at the moment (9/9/12), but I bled again two days ago. I seem to bleed every 3-4 days, and a week is the longest I've gone without an episode. My docs are all watching me very closely-- I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for their approval. I still can't believe how common bleeding is! I have learned so much during this pregnancy--but I definitely didn't think ..." -- USPLUSONE
"Wow! How are you now? Still having issues? I hope you don't have problems all the way to delivery day for you. Good luck!!" -- CHILD-O-GOD
Just finalizes the dates for DD's visit with my MIL several states away from us. This will be the first time she is away from me! I miss my DD already! She will be gone three weeks and returns here at home only days before I'll be induced, if I haven't already given birth.
As soon as the vacation came up and I heard the dates, I immediately wondered if DD could be at my MIL’s during labor and delivery. I would LOVE to have the same sort of delivery I had with DD. It was amazing! DH was my birth coach, and we didn’t have many distractions. This time around, DD would be an immense distraction (we are still new to this state and we don’t have family that can watch her while I’m giving birth). The thought of actually having someone to watch DD really excited me!
But having my MIL watch DD during my labor and delivery would mean MIL would be involved too much after the baby is born. She made the postpartum days after DD horrible. I’d rather not re-live that if I can help it.
If the new baby truly is born before DD returns home, my MIL will most likely change her plane ticket and force a visit. It would be incredibly stressful for DH and I! We lose sleep when we know we have to see her. The chances of DS being born before they fly back into town are sorta high- I guess. My docs want to induce me the week DD returns, so it will be close! With DD, I didn’t even make it to my induction date. They expect the same thing this time around simply because I’ve had all sorts of complications thus far. We’ll see!
This will be interesting… I hope I really like what happened when I look back at this journal/blog entry. I think journaling is really nice in that way. I’m concerned about this NOW… but in a short 2 ½ months, it will all be over. Maybe that is why the Bible commands us not to worry and to be strong and courageous. I’m going to really try and not worry about my MIL and all that is about to happen. Besides, I'm never alone when I face my adversaries. God is with me!!
My MIL really will love being around DD. She is such a ray of sunshine! 8.18.2012
Member Comments About this Blog Entry
"No baby yet! DD returns in a matter of a few hours. I'm very thankful she will get the chance to see the new changes at home and become acclimated before our bundle of joy comes in 3 days :)" -- USPLUSONE
"And you're right, DON'T WORRY!! God knows all about this :)) Don't forget to come back and update us (i.e. did baby come before DD came back?)! You've peaked my interest :)))" -- CHILD-O-GOD
"Look at it this way, at least you and DH get a bit of time to yourself before the new addition comes. I'm interested to see how it all plays out. Keep us posted!" -- CHILD-O-GOD
I wanted to quickly let you know a little detail of our world that I would not otherwise have shared.
I just read another mom’s thoughts on what they are going to do in order to get ready to meet their son (yea, they are having a boy too!), and then I saw how happy the mother was to finally meet her baby. Those stories are so sweet and some really move me emotionally, but today when my thoughts went to you, the tiny precious child in my womb, and all that would have to happen in order for you and I to finally meet face-to-face, I began to cry! I hardly ever cry but alone in this apartment, I cried!
Here’s why: Being pregnant with you has been one chapter I’ll never forget, but one I don’t want to ever experience again. I wouldn’t trade being pregnant with you and being your mother for the world! And at the same time, I’m going through some really tough times all while I’m carrying you. I wanted to share just a pea size amount so that when we look at this letter together some day, I’ll remember to tell you how God pulled us through—and he absolutely will do just that!
When your father and I moved recently, we left a whole storage unit full of baby things. You wouldn’t believe it! You would love the toys and furniture! You might not like the amount of pink you’d see (most of those items were purchased for your older sister), but I’m sure you’d like the joy they would bring your father and I. We packaged so much of those items just so they’d stay safe and clean for when you were born. They are perfect….and perfectly stored 3 states away from us. We don’t have the money to make a trip and get those baby/infant items! We are starting from scratch---and that is what brings tears to my eyes. I don’t even have a single blanket or binkie for you!
You see, things have been so stressful with all the pregnancy complications and your Dad’s job, we actually forgot to look at all you’d need. The last time I did look at bassinets, they were far more than what we wanted to spend, and I walked away so sad! Now that I’m 30 weeks along (Hurray for YOU AND ME!!!), I’m starting to shop. I have no idea what to purchase on such a little budget, and how much we should/can dip into savings. We definitely don’t have a whole lot, Aaron. But you are by far one of our biggest blessings and so very worth it!!
By the time you are able to read this note, God will have already done SO much, include provide for you and all you’ll need as a baby. Watch and see if God won’t provide for all the rest too… he promises he would! And I BELIEVE!!!
You are growing so perfectly, dear Aaron. I saw you yesterday. They say you weigh 3 lbs and 2 oz. I sure am growing! My belly has grown so quickly over the last week! I’ll have to catch you up on all that is going on with me later. Lots to tell, but not now. I have to do some paperwork before your Dad gets back from the store.
IF I could hug you and tell you, “We are going to be alright…. we will make it regardless of how much or what we have…. and that as long as we have each other and GOD, we’ll be more than fine.” I would! I’d look you in the eye and let you know how very thankful I am for you and all that God is doing even though it is tough. The tough times just remind us of how real and powerful and loving our God is!
You are loved more than you’ll ever know! I’ll catch you up on more later, but for now, know that your Mommy thinks of you so very, very often!!
I love you!
Mom 8.16.2012
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How are you, my Dear? Do you like the food I’m eating? I do!!. I’m still in Labor and Delivery, the same place I was when I wrote you my last letter. I’ve been here for (counting today) 12 days. It doesn’t seem that long, but I sleep quite a bit making the days much shorter. I wonder how bad that looks, but I guess I’m just trying to ward off depression. They put a sign on my door when I sleep to keep visitors and the cleaning crew at bay. It has caused the docs to leave me alone too! How nice is that?!
So for an update about me: I haven’t bled since I was admitted and only had one bout of mini contractions or uterine irritability. A few days ago they gave me iron to “beef me up” in the words of the OB. They do that because bleeding while giving birth could make me very, very sick and anemic. I’m happy they caught the low blood count! They have done so many tests on me, but I don’t mind at all. They also keep an I.V. in me just in case they have to do a "crash c-section" and don't have time to put in another. They take this bleeding ordeal very seriously!!
I have an ultrasound Monday to see where things are now. I’m so excited but nervous. If the placenta has moved away from the cervix, they will consider me going home. I’m not sure what I want. I might get to see how much you weigh and catch a glimpse of your face again. I hope so! Last time they came to my room, they just did a vaginal ultrasound, but of course, they were just looking for what was causing the bleeding. I wonder how long I’ll be here and when your birthday is. I don’t spend too much of the day worrying though. I know beyond any doubt you are in God’s hands, and so am I!
The nurses love the stories of my past. Each morning, the daytime nurse asks me to elaborate on something she has heard. Since I have started really opening up about my past, nurses have pulled up a chair to sit and listen to me! They have to pull the info from me at times (I hope it's not obvious when I'm tired and don't really want to answer questions). I'm sure getting a crash course in communication.
I have shared so many cool stories about all that God has done and what he is currently doing. God healing the brain tumor and brain cancer in 1999 is everyone’s favorite. I’m soooo thankful that specific healing is documented! The charge nurse came in today just to introduce herself and “meet the one everyone is talking about.” Boy, that was weird. I tell different parts of my testimony repeatedly, but it reminds me of all God has done. Most of the time I can’t believe what I’m saying is true and that it’s my story! Very cool.
Anyway, I’m going to make this letter a bit shorter than the others just because sitting here in this weird chair at this squeaky table is making my head hurt. I think I’m going to curl up on the couch and read a book, and in about an hour I’m going to have room service deliver dinner. I’m going to have salmon tonight for dinner, I hope you like it! Sure makes the room stink, but I think that comes with the territory. I’m eating a really well balanced diet and not gaining much weigh. I’m very happy about that! Take care, my precious son, and thank you for moving so much! You are really entertaining!
I love you!
Mom 8.9.2012
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You gave me the scare of my life this morning!! Oh my goodness! I woke up around 2:45 a.m. today. I sorta shuffled in bed looking for a new comfy position. When I did, I felt a massive gush of blood come from me. I rushed to the bathroom to confirm my suspicions then rushed to the shower.
So between me and you and anyone reading this letter, I sorta skipped a shower yesterday (I never do that, but it was our day off-- I was on bed rest). I actually hurried into our tiny stand-up shower in order to take a fast shower just in case we went to the hospital again. I had a bad feeling that we would need to go, but I was really hoping I stopped bleeding…or for some miracle.
You see, a week ago when I first bled, the specialist in the Labor and Delivery unit of the hospital told me not to come back to the birthing center unless I filled a pad within an hour or so. (I am assuming by now you are old enough to know what a pad is and why a woman would use them.) The specialist did that because bleeding in my condition is actually common, but that it would probably resolve without event.
So as I showered, I mulled over the Perinatologist’s words (that’s the title for the specialist who gave me the orders the last time I was in Labor and Delivery). I prepared to sit with your father and wait. I prepared to just watch my underwear and the pad I would wear… I made mental notes on things to expect and when I planned to panic… Then it happened. While I washed I looked down, and the largest gush of blood I’d ever experienced came from me. Blood ran down my legs with the aide of water. It seemed to move so slowly! There was so much, Aaron. I am used to heavy periods but nothing like this. It really, really scared me. I tried quickly to rinse some of it away, when suddenly the largest THING came from inside me. It fell to the shower floor with such force! What an eerie sound… I thought part of YOU came out of me!!
Later your father gathered that piece out of the shower to show the Labor and Delivery staff. We wanted to make sure we brought in anything they might need. When the staff examined it, they assumed it was a massive blood clot. They came to that conclusion after they found your heart beat and saw that everything was fine. Apparently, they see bigger clots sometimes. This clot was about the size of three of my fingers put together. I can’t believe this is part of our story!!
So now here I sit. Still in Labor and Delivery. This is the same room I was admitted into a week ago. I have grown fond of this room. I think it’s sorta our room :) I like the nurses and the food isn’t bad at all!! I just found out they have a DVD collection that I can watch to pass the hours. That is what your father and older sister are doing while I type.
One really, really good thing about this visit is the shot I was given today. There is a steroid shot they can give mothers to make the baby’s lungs mature. I got my first shot today!! Ohhh…. What a wonderful sigh of relief! Tomorrow they will give me a second and final dose. 24 hours after the second dose is when they say you are in the clear. I’m so happy I’m here, and I’m so happy about that!
Well, I should probably spend some time watching those DVDs with your father and sister. Daddy won’t be here all night, and he and your sister leave in about 3 hours. I have no idea what I’d do without your father, Aaron. He is so amazing. When I think about how fortunate I am to have him, it brings me to tears (and by the time you read this, you’ll probably know how very little I cry). I’ll more than likely catch you up again soon! I love you, sweet child and you have no idea just how happy I was to hear your heart beat this morning!! Yes, I cried. They were tears of joy, my dear. God is keeping you safe. I’m so thankful!!! So until my next letter, grow!! We might meet sooner than I expected.
I love you!!
Mom 7.29.2012
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"That must have been horrifying!! I'm glad everything is okay now. I just clicked on your page and read this blog (letter)... I hope it's smooth sailing from here!" -- ANGE_AHMED
This is the first time I’ve actually written something to you, though I’m sure I’ll regret not doing it sooner. I have so very much to share! It sorta makes me wish it was just you and I over coffee at my favorite coffee shop (and you were old enough to drink coffee). I’d tell you what it feels like to have you inside of me, the joy you bring when you roll and kick, and the sadness I feel when I don’t feel you move after some emotional event in our day together.
Because you are attached to me, a part of me is so afraid you really do feel what I feel. I don’t want you to feel the pain that I feel, only the joy and peace. I feel a lot of that too- joy and peace. I feel a whole lot of wonderful things! You’ll see!! You have such wonderful days ahead of you. Your father is so amazing. I think you are the most blessed child on earth (along with your older sister), truly! Your older sister is pretty special too!
Today we are spending the day together as a family. Each of us stops our work and takes the day to be together and rest. It’s especially nice for me because I’m on what’s called bed rest right now. A week ago I began to bleed. I think it’s one of the scariest things a pregnant woman can face. You aren’t supposed to bleed when you are pregnant, and when you do, it means something is wrong. I’ve yet to know all the answers, but I do know a few things.
I have marginal placenta previa right now. It’s where the warm, wonderful, fluffy sack you feel isn’t where it’s supposed to be. It can be dangerous. I didn’t think it would be an issue for us, but it is I guess. If things don’t change, we’ll have to have a C-section. That’s a biggo word for a cut in Mommy’s belly. I don’t mind surgery, and I won’t mind the scheduled delivery. As long as you are fine, I’ll be fine. So for now, I have to rest as much as possible so that I don’t continue to bleed. It’s working! I haven’t had a whole lot of issues and none that scare the docs. I think I’ll be okay if I just continue in this direction. I’m sure trying to keep you in me as long as you need to be! If you were to be born right now, you’d be in a bit of trouble. You’d feel more pain than you should, and I’m sure you’d hear a whole lot more of my cries than you would if you were born after week 37 or so. Stay inside of me, okay? Stay as long as you need to. I don’t want you to be introduced to this world any sooner than you have to be. I pray a whole lot about that!!
I think one reason I didn’t write to you earlier is because I’m afraid I’ll lose you. You see, before your sister was born, you had an older brother or sister. I lost that baby. That baby is in heaven now. We’ll all meet him/her one day, but for now, we’re here on earth. We are going to face all sorts of hard times simply because we are here on hearth and not in heaven yet. A part of me is afraid one of those hard times that I will face is losing you. I’m not sure what I’d do if God allowed me to go through that. I’ve really, really bonded with you. Being on bed rest has given me time to be still and feel you. I know I wouldn’t have done that otherwise. Your Mommy is very active!! I fill my days with a lot of things, most of which keep me walking. I’m sure you sleep wonderfully during the time I’m up.
You just kicked me…I love it!! You move so much more than your older sister did. I am so thankful for that! I wonder what you look like. I don’t think about that a whole lot, to be honest. If you are anything like your father and older sister, you’ll be perfect! I love you, sweet baby Aaron. You have been in my belly for 27 weeks, and I’ve loved every moment. I knew I was going to get pregnant with you, and I knew I’d love you but nothing like I actually do. You are very, very loved!! I’m very honored to be your Mommy and I’m thankful you are my son.
Until next letter, rest well precious child of mine. Grow and mature. Let God do all he needs to do in order to make you ready to meet me. Then when we finally do meet face to face, I’m sure I’ll have a lot to update you on. We have plenty of time, but for now I’ve gotta run. We’ll talk again soon :)
I love you!
~Mom 7.28.2012
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I just came across a thread where I had posted my weight several months ago. I remember being so happy to report my numbers, though I was embarrassed to tell the world what I weighed. I felt so in control...
Then we moved to Colorado and the weight just piled on! We moved at the end of May, and I think I have gained a total of 7 or 8 lbs since? Unbelievable. I have been so very stressed out due to all sorts of things. I just naturally assumed I was eating too much, not that I'd soon see I probably had Gestational Diabetes. I'm so bummed about this!! I've actually tested my blood sugar for years and never had issues like this. It came on suddenly too. I've been borderline Type 2 Diabetic for a few years, and being in the medical field, I knew how to control my blood sugar. So this sorta feels like I failed in some way.
Now, I'm dreading the test I have the privilege of taking soon. I take the Gestational Diabetes Test in a few weeks from now. I'm absolutely positive I won't pass after seeing what my blood sugar was after eating just ONE serving of pretzels on an empty stomach. I can't believe I'm typing this!! I know this probably seems so shallow, but I've lost so very much weight that putting weight on like this is so very sad to me, especially when it's a bit out of my control. Well, at least I know my blood sugar levels! I'm going to try and really curb what I eat and the amount of carbs I consume. It's such a good thing I like protein!!
7.7.2012
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"am right there with you lady- I lost a bunch of weight prepregnancy. Tested areound 20 weeks for gd and was fine- then suddenly a 12 pound weight gain in one month set my Dr's spiralling. I should know Monday if I have it and I most likely do. I was immediately sad thinking I was responsible for bringing danger to myself and my child... In truth some times your body just cant handle making insulin for 2. So we work harder to maintain healthy eating, (which stinks sometimes! lettuce seems to be..." -- HC2007
Recently, I was introduced to a perfectly healthy 19 year old that was born at 24 weeks. I can't believe DS is old enough to survive right now! I know the viability rates are about 40-70%, but obviously people have miracle babies all the time. I just can't believe that the baby in my little baby bump is old enough to at least have a chance. Because I can't feel him all the time, it doesn't feel real to me!
With DD, I think I showed a lot more than what I am now. I find that interesting and very cool. I'm gaining less weight and hopefully staying on track more! With all the stress in my life, it's hard not to eat more than what I am. I'd love to only gain the bare minimum from here on out...
7.4.2012
"Thank you, Angie! I hope you are doing really well!" -- USPLUSONE
"I'm glad that you are doing well and your bump is very adorable! Congratulations on having a boy...one of each is just wonderful! And if he is anything like his big sister, he will be just beautiful!" -- ANGIESEDMAK
I'm ready!! With DD, I was able to pick out my very own, brand new rocking chair. I finally settled on one from Baby R Us. So expensive, but absolutely worth it!! I rocked in it just weeks before I had DD and loved every moment! I would imagine DD in my arms while I sang to her, fed her, and burped her. When the time came, feeding her was absolutely wonderful!! I loved that chair and the memories I have of the months I probably spent in it.
Anyway, today was the first time I sat in my old rocking chair since feeding DD years ago. It feels like such a big deal to me! I think it's because I'm finally feeling DS move a bit more (placenta is anterior, so I don't feel as much as I would if it was posterior). We moved the rocking chair to my new feeding spot, and it feels like I'm ready! We don't have a nursery set up yet, or any baby items, but because I have my feeding spot all set up, it now feels like the baby can come.
I am so happy I'm pregnant, and I can enjoy this miracle! Now I'd better get busy with the rest of the preparations. We did this with DD too. We certainly didn't plan it that way, but we had to wait until just months prior to delivery in order to purchase baby items. We don't use credit cards, so we carefully budgeted as the time came. This time around, I'm far more patient and less picky. I'm sure I'd be a bit more energetic if I had a baby nursery just waiting to be decorated and filled with blue (just moved and don't have room for a nursery yet). Instead, I'll just settle for a new blue cover on my favorite rocking chair.
6.30.2012
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I feel like this pregnancy has made me so very different. I really love what life has brought my way and all the changes that have taken place, but I didn't expect to be sorta "hushed" into a peaceful place. I'm not sure why this step is taking me by such surprise!
DD is now in a really nice child development center that will prepare her for school and help her learn all sorts of things, one of which is a greater sense of appreciation. I love that we were able to do that (such an answer to prayer!). So now that she is away all day long, I finally have the "ME" time I've wanted for so, so long. We have kept DD home with me for her entire life, and I love the distance we now have. I feel like I can concentrate on the preparations for DS, and to be honest, I use that logic to mask the guilt I feel. I've never been away from DD, so I feel guilty not having to look after her and fix every boo-boo. I know I'll miss her in the months to come, but I don't right now... and I guess that's the reason I feel so guilty.
Anyway, I think I walk differently, too--metaphorically speaking and literally! It seems the changes that have taken place have really impacted me. I hope it's for the better! I'm honestly humbled by all the blessing and aware of how fast the blessing can disappear. I truly am taking each day at a time and enjoying every step of the way. I'm enjoying what I eat too-have to stop doing that as much!
When I look back and read this months or years later, I wonder what changes will have been made since this entry. Life is so funny in that way. At this precise moment, all of my silly issues seem so big...
6.23.2012
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"Don't feel guilty, every mommy needs her "me time" at one point, and don't feel guilty to say it, in fact Im glad you have taken that step, just shows that you are ready to focus and learn/unerstand (DS) better and for what the future holds for you, because who said it wouldn't be tough...love learn and embrace." -- BABYFITAVERY12
I'm almost out of my 20th week of pregnancy, and I'm just now feeling settled in Colorado. I'm typing at my new office area for the first time, and I feel more at home now! I think it's funny that I have to have my "office area" in order to feel at home--that, and my kitchen set up!
I'm back to tracking everything I eat and hoping I'll stop gaining like I have the last three weeks. I did so well before we moved!! I'm getting back on track though :) That is such a good feeling!
I had a few health scares recently that really made me think about God's hand in all of this. It's easy to forget that he (The LORD) holds our next heart beat and that we have never been promised our next breath.
6.11.2012
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Can you see it? His hand on my face? Oh how I love him! He explores everything, and I LOVE it when he touches my face. I really wanted a child who was this full of love! With my DD, I never had this, so I'm eating this up!! Just had to share, lol! 
Feels like the calm before an elaborate but beautiful storm, and it's only a matter of time before it hits. Dh still doesn't have a job, but we are so full of joy. I can only explain it as a "God thing." We have only a few ideas of how we are going to make ends meet, but it's as if someone told us that right around the corner we will have a house and all the things we've been praying for. 
Never thought 100 PP would go by so fast or so wonderfully! Ohhh... I am so thankful for my DH. He is the only reason I'm not locked in my house crying. I'm still in a strange land, mind you (I just moved prior to my stay in L&D), and know really only the ladies at my DD's school. I think I would be going crazy without real people - you know the ones who know English! Oh, my goodness. I can only imagine how hard it would be without my DH! 
My DD and I planned to go to so many places and do so many things, but all we ended up doing was going to McDonald's. 
I never thought she needed so much one-on-one time! She needs to know I think she's special, of course, and time alone with me can do that... But I never expected to learn so much about her. She told every stranger she met that it was "Just Girl's Day!" or "Mommy & Daughter Day!" and looked to have so much fun. 
Recently, we had a couple of fussy episodes, so...just for personal record... 
I recently read an article about adding yourself in the pics of your newborn baby. Today I decided to do just that. I had my husband grab a camera while I talked to baby Aaron on the floor of our master bathroom. I have no make-up on and my hair is definitely "homely." Who cares, though, right? Years from now I won't care what my hair looked like or what shirt I was wearing. These pics are priceless...and so were these moments with my son and our "conversation" as he learns to talk to me.
I'm about 6 lbs from PPW, but I'm sure a lot of that is breast milk! I feel a bit "fluffy" around my stomach, but that is going quickly--especially when I decrease my carbohydrates. During this time of year it's difficult (holiday chocolate is far too enticing!), but I'm slowly doing it! 
I fit completely into my jeans, but they are still tight. If I wore a large sweat shirt, I'd cover it all up... so fun! 6 lbs to go isn't that much! I'm SOOOO thankful I didn't gain that much during pregnancy. This is exactly what I wanted! 
Thought I've been keeping track of EVERYTHING I consume, I have exceeded my goal nearly every day of this 8 weeks postpartum. Lets turn that around, shall we? 
I really wanted to give birth on the date of my choice: October 17th. I knew I only had about 24 hours to go before that chance had passed. Labor and delivery for my daughter took about 36 hours, so naturally I was nervous. 
Once I was 8 cm dilated, labor completely stalled. We came to find out later that Aaron’s umbilical cord had been wrapped twice around his neck and head. Each time he would descend into the birth canal, the umbilical cord would tighten, preventing delivery. 
During the wait, I reached down and touched his head a few times. I have always wanted to do that! 
I can't believe I haven't gotten on here sooner and typed about my little guy. He is everything I imagined he would be! I even recognized him as he came out of me. 
It feels like forever since I last sat down and updated you on what was going on while you are growing inside of me. I feel like you could come any day now, so this might be my last letter while pregnant. I'm having contractions every day, so I'm getting ready! In two days, I'll be 38 weeks along. It really is a miracle you have had the chance to stay inside of me for as long as you have!! 
I'm still at home *happy dance* and not back in L&D. It has been just over a day since my last bleeding episode, and though I have bouts of strong contractions, I haven't been spotting. I can't believe I have had ELEVEN bleeding episodes!!! 
Not being able to exercise and being in and out of L&D most of weeks 23--34 through my pregnancy has really taken it's toll, but I plan on doing just like I did with DD, and get very active as soon as possible to regain my pre-pregnancy body :)
Just finalizes the dates for DD's visit with my MIL several states away from us. This will be the first time she is away from me! I miss my DD already! She will be gone three weeks and returns here at home only days before I'll be induced, if I haven't already given birth. 
When your father and I moved recently, we left a whole storage unit full of baby things. You wouldn’t believe it! You would love the toys and furniture! You might not like the amount of pink you’d see (most of those items were purchased for your older sister), but I’m sure you’d like the joy they would bring your father and I. We packaged so much of those items just so they’d stay safe and clean for when you were born. They are perfect….and perfectly stored 3 states away from us. We don’t have the money to make a trip and get those baby/infant items! We are starting from scratch---and that is what brings tears to my eyes. I don’t even have a single blanket or binkie for you! 
Recently, I was introduced to a perfectly healthy 19 year old that was born at 24 weeks. I can't believe DS is old enough to survive right now! I know the viability rates are about 40-70%, but obviously people have miracle babies all the time. I just can't believe that the baby in my little baby bump is old enough to at least have a chance. Because I can't feel him all the time, it doesn't feel real to me! 
I'm ready!! With DD, I was able to pick out my very own, brand new rocking chair. I finally settled on one from Baby R Us. So expensive, but absolutely worth it!! I rocked in it just weeks before I had DD and loved every moment! I would imagine DD in my arms while I sang to her, fed her, and burped her. When the time came, feeding her was absolutely wonderful!! I loved that chair and the memories I have of the months I probably spent in it. 
I'm enjoying what I eat too-have to stop doing that as much! 
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