I know it has been a while since I have last updated, but we have been having so much fun and have been incredibly busy! I love love love the age/stage that Milo is at right now and want to bottle it up forever! He hasn't quite started crawling but he is so very close! He has one tooth and another one that is so close to cutting through. He laughs constantly and babbles all of the time. He is now 19 lbs. 8 oz. and is growing like a weed!!!! Needless to say, Milo LOVES food! Squash, apples, and sweet potatoes are his favorites but he will eat anything. I make all of his baby food and we use cloth diapers (Flip diapers) and both of those are going really well so far. He is just the sweetest little guy! We are having a blast this summer and I'm so sad that I can't always be a stay at home mom! Summer has absolutely been filled with play dates, Kindermusik classes, and mommy and Milo time!
6.14.2013
Member Comments About this Blog Entry
"he really is so precious I can't stand it!!" -- MEAGAN_GETZ2
"Awe I'm so happy that you get to be home w Milo for a while!! He must be loving it!! He's absolutely gorgeous! Love those cheeks!" -- ANGE_AHMED
"He's gorgeous! So glad you are enjoying him!! Happy Summer!" -- HC2007
"He is SO cute! I just want to squeeeeze him!!" -- USPLUSONE
It has been a very long week:( After starting the breathing treatments and the new round of antibiotics, Milo is finally feeling better. He went in on Thursday for his "6 month" checkup even though he is almost 7 months and weighs 18 lbs 2oz and is 26 3/4 inches long - he is between the 50th and 75th percentile for both. He is doing really well - he can push himself up on his hands and knees and rock so I'm sure he will be crawling any day now, he says "dada" and "hi" and is getting so big! He has a lazy eye that we have to have checked by a specialist (the appt. is in June) but other than that, he is right on target and developing perfectly:) I couldn't be more in love with that boy!
5.4.2013
Member Comments About this Blog Entry
"So happy to hear things are going better!!! " -- ANGE_AHMED
"Glad the little guy is feeling better. I can't believe he is already almost 7 months." -- DREAMER77
"So happy to hear he is feeling better! He's already bigger than my 13 month old!! He sure sounds like a sweetie, congratulations!" -- KJANDBABY
Milo went back in to the doctor today because he started wheezing. He started off with croup and an ear infection on Friday and it has turned into bronchiolitis which requires breathing treatments. He hates the breathing treatments but by the third round, we were able to actually get him to fall asleep during the treatment. He is very clingy and not himself which I hate! I absolutely hate it when he is not feeling well!!!
4.29.2013
Member Comments About this Blog Entry
"Awww poor Milo!!! I hate it when little ones are sick!" -- KELLY42105
"Awe, I'm so sorry! Get well, little Milo!!" -- USPLUSONE
":( hope he's feeling better by now Poor thing It's been a couple days since you posted Any better?" -- ANGE_AHMED
Milo's first word: "Dada" :) He is so proud of himself and repeats it over and over!
At first he said it here and there but never on command....it was one of those "Did you hear that Ed? Did he just say dada?" moments but on Friday he was repeating it after me and wouldn't stop saying it. It is the cutest thing. He even sort of sticks his tongue out when he says it and slobbers everywhere - that boy just melts my heart! He is not feeling so well though - He came down with croup on Thursday night and also has another ear infection. He has been very clingy and crabby which is so heartbreaking! I hate hate hate seeing him sick.
4.28.2013
Milo turned 6 months old on the 13th and I am in disbelief that my baby boy is already 6 months old! He is honestly the most amazing little baby! He is always smiling and laughing! He is the happiest and easiest baby I've ever met:) He was fussy Friday morning so I called the doctor and told them that I think he has an ear infection because he is fussy. She proceeded to laugh and ask if he had any other symptoms, but he didn't. I brought him in anyways and he did have an ear infection - mama knows best! He weighed in at 17 lbs. 4 oz. and is just a round little ball of smiles! He can scoot a little bit but does need some help with his arms (they sort of get stuck under his chest) and "talks" all the time (we call him a gabby goose). He loves to snuggle and be held and can sit on my lap forever without fussing or wanting something - he is a very content little guy! He also LOVES LOVES LOVES to eat (which definitely helps with developing his super cute thighs) - he loves sweet potatoes, carrots, squash, mangoes, bananas, apples, broccoli, and avocados. I know I am biased as all mothers are, but he just melts my heart - he is such a cute baby:)
4.15.2013
"Angie, I just LOVE when I see an update from you! Happy 1/2 birthday to Milo!! You're little man is so cute!! I know I say it every single time I comment but he just IS!!! Time flies- enjoy every tiny second!!!! We're planning Abdullah's second birthday already! I know Milo seems big but small now but careful- if you blink you'll be planning his second birthday party too!! Lol I'm so happy you're loving mommy-hood and by the looks of your smiley baby he's loving his babyhood too!!! :) e..." -- ANGE_AHMED
"So true....he IS such a cute baby. But oh my gosh where has time gone...he's already 6months and Kailey's already turning 11months next week!!! /" -- KELLY42105
"So true....he IS such a cute baby. But oh my gosh where has time gone...he's already 6months and Kailey's already turning 11months next week!!!" -- KELLY42105
"He's only 4 days older than Aaron! I can't believe Aaron is 6 months old too :) So glad Milo is doing SO well!! Hugs!" -- USPLUSONE
I wrote the date on the board today in my classroom and realized how different my life is than it was a year ago. A year ago, I was waiting to have a D&C because I had found out two days earlier that the baby that I had fought so hard to get pregnant with no longer had a heart beat. I remember staring at the ultrasound screen in shock, disbelief, and horror as the ultrasound technician desperately searched for a heartbeat. It was one of the worst days of my life. I cried and cried and cried for months!
Today, I look at my son and know that he is the reason that I went through every hardship. I know that he was always meant to be ours and that if one piece of the puzzle hadn't worked out just perfectly, we wouldn't have Milo. While I don't know that I am necessarily thankful for the loss of the pregnancy a year ago, I understand it and know that God had a plan for my life that I was completely unable to see at the time. Milo brings us so much joy and happiness. He is worth every tear that was shed and all of that pain and heartache!!!!
4.4.2013
Member Comments About this Blog Entry
"I am so glad to know that you have so much happiness in your life! Milo is absolutely adorable." -- DREAMER77
"I remember saying something to you about seven months ago-- I hoped you would one day look back and "say it was all worth it." You were so hopeful...and look at you now! I'm so happy for you!!" -- USPLUSONE
"U are blessed, Angie.. U really deserve to be happy after all u've been thru.. Thank God u finally found that missing & most precious piece of ur life's puzzle.. Worth all the wait.. Glad u enjoyed ur easter vacation.. Kisses :*" -- -DIMA-
"Awww - well thank you - often times I don't feel strong at all!!!! But I am so happy that we have Milo and am so thankful for such an incredible blessing!" -- ANGIESEDMAK
"Angie you have been so strong and you continue to amaze me with your wonderful way of thinking. It is true, God had a plan for you. You and Ed were made for Milo and vice versa Milo is GORGEOUS btw!" -- ANGE_AHMED
I wish I could have frozen time last week - it was so nice to be home with Milo for the week! Ed and I took him to the zoo (the indoor parts) and he loved the aquatics/primates building - the fish are his favorite! He was just wide eyed and looking all around! He is such a happy baby, especially in the morning, so it was such a treat to be able to start my day seeing him and spending time with him. He is now eating three meals a day. I make the baby food using the Baby Brezza and it is so easy! He loves most foods but his favorites are sweet potatoes, squash, carrots, mangoes, and apples. He will tolerate bananas, green beans, and avocados and does not like peas. He loves to eat! He is still taking 2-3 naps per day and sleeping from 9:30 - 8:00 am which is great! We had such a nice Easter - he was spoiled by his aunts and uncles and grandparents! Who gets 4 Easter baskets??? Milo did:) We tried to keep things modest and under control, but the grandparents did not get the memo! He really is such a sweet and happy boy and we are so very lucky!
4.2.2013
Milo is doing really well! He is developing and changing constantly and is always learning something new. He "talks" like crazy - squealing and sort of screaming - it is way too cute! There is no sweeter sound in the world than his little voice. He is now sort of scooting himself more - if I lay him in the crib one way, he will turn himself so that he is in a completely different direction. He rolls over from tummy to back - but not often. He eats about 5 ounces every 3-4 hours now and seems to be almost ready for rice cereal.
He had his 4 month check up last week and weighed in at 15 pounds even and is 23 3/4 inches long. He is in the 75th percentile for weight and the 25th for height - my round little guy:) The doctor said that he is progressing right on target!
He is now sleeping in his crib instead of in our room. He wakes up a few times at night but we go in there, put his pacifier in his mouth and he goes right back to sleep. He takes 2 good naps during the day (2-3 hours) and is just a really happy and sweet baby! I can't believe how big he is getting!!!! We are more and more in love with him every single day! He is now 19 1/2 weeks old (ALREADY???).
2.25.2013
Member Comments About this Blog Entry
"He's so adorable Angie!!! I love that he rolls over and moves himself around. It is so much fun when they start doing that!! I just cant get over how cute he is!" -- KELLY42105
"Bless him, Angie.. Just checked his latest pics.. He's simply adorable.. Enjoy every single moment with him coz he'll be growing faster than u expect!! Kisses :*" -- -DIMA-
"What a cutie!! Love that he's good n round :)!! Love your updates!! He looks like such a happy baby!!" -- ANGE_AHMED
"I love this picture...so cute!! I am so happy you guys are doing good! He is so adorable I love his face! So cute!" -- KELLY42105
"he's way too cute! Linc was 25 inches and 13 lbs at his 2 month appointment!!!" -- KASONSMOMMA82
All that I can think of when I think of our precious little guy is "joy". We are so happy and completely in love with Milo! I have forced myself to call him Milo and it is getting much better and much easier! I still call him "Finn or Finners haha" and also "Bunks - short for Bunkins:)". I have no idea how Bunkins happened, but it did and it is pretty much what I call him - he will so hate me one day! hahaha
Milo is rolling over now and is an absolute joy! He is a very very very happy little guy with a smile that just lights up the room and a giggle that is the greatest sound on earth! I could talk to him all day long. He coos like crazy and when he sees me he gets so excited that his arms are moving, his legs are kicking and he gets a HUGE smile on his face - is there anything better than that!
He has been sleeping through the night for the most part and is a very mellow little guy. I can put him down on his playmat while I do laundry or pretty much anything and he is content. He loves to be in his front pack while I cook or clean and we dance to music:) He just smiles and laughs when we dance! He is honestly my favorite little person in the whole world! Nothing could have prepared me for the love that I have for him and his sweet face!!!! I'm one happy and very lucky mama!
2.11.2013
Member Comments About this Blog Entry
"So glad things are going so well. Milo is such a lucky little boy!" -- EMG123
"I am so happy for you! I can't believe how quickly Milo is growing. Oh..and I love your sweet nicknames for Milo! Bunks is too cute." -- DREAMER77
"Awww, what a great post! Motherhood is an incredible feeling. :)" -- MARYSMIX
"so glad for you post! Congratulations Momma!" -- HC2007
"Love, love, love this update!! And lucky you with a mr sleeping trough the night! We are close to 20 months and I've yet to experience such a thing lol. Angie, the pictures of Milo are just so phenomenally adorable!! What a looker!!! You must devour him with kisses all day! He looks so happy n loved (n well fed!! ;))" -- ANGE_AHMED
I can't believe our little guy is already almost 14 weeks old - time is flying by so quickly! Although each week brings new changes and he is developing and growing so much, I wish I could freeze time sometimes! I am very aware that this may be the only baby that we are fortunate enough to have and I am really trying to savor and cherish every single moment with him! I love that I do have that deep appreciation of each and every day with our sweet little guy and I don't take anything for granted (especially those middle of the night feedings - I LOVE them - he is so happy and it is serene...sigh:).
Milo Griffin (I affectionately refer to him as Finn:) is changing by the day! He has really started to develop a personality and is hilarious! He loves loves loves bath time and squeals with delight when he hears the water running - so cute!
He has also started laughing. At first it was just small little giggles but now he belly laughs and it is the cutest sound I have ever heard!
He is growing so much, He has these awesome chubby cheeks and thighs that have at least 2 rolls - I just can't get enough of that sweet baby!!!!!
1.17.2013
Member Comments About this Blog Entry
"I love this! Look at that smile. Baby belly laughs are just the best. I know they say that everything is just so amazing and new to the baby but I am seeing it all through her eyes (if that makes sense) I am just in awe of everything she does, babbles, or plays with, etc." -- KELLY42105
"How precious he is - what a gift God has blessed you and Ed with. He's absolutely adorable. I used to count the rolls on Jakey too. One day, they'll all be gone, and you'll be sad, wondering where that chubby baby went." -- JACOBSMOM09
"How cute is he! Glad things are going well. As much as it kinda sucked getting up in the middle of the night with the boys I too absolutely cherished all those special snuggles. Enjoy them!" -- EMG123
"Adorable! This entry makes me smile! Love the bath picture." -- DREAMER77
"I love the name Finn, and it's a perfect nickname IMO. Angie I saw the pictures of your son and couldn't believe how much he's changed from the last pictures!! He's such a gorgeous boy bless his heart! He's so chubby n perfect!!!! " -- ANGE_AHMED
I received the most beautiful gift today from a former student of mine. She is now an 11th grader. I am blessed to have had her in my class and to have gotten to know her through her middle school years. She sent a gift to the middle school for me that I found in my mailbox this morning. She bought us two adorable outfits for Milo and also sent me a note that brought me to tears! She gave me advice on parenthood based on things that her parents did that have helped to form her into the amazing young woman that she is today and I thought I would pass this wise teenager's advice along:
1. Put time with me above everything else. My mom always said, "I can always clean the house but I won't always have you."
2. Love each other - my parents have shown me true love and now I won't settle for anything but the best! I used to say "ewww" when I saw my parents kiss but I always knew they loved each other and I found comfort in that.
3. Let me use my imagination - I used to love playing pirate and helping my mom "mop the poop deck" and it played to her advantage too.
4. SHOWED me how fortuante I am - my mom used to take my sister and I to work with her in downtown Cleveland and I got to see how lucky I was to have a nice home.
5. She taught me not to pity those who have less but to offer a helping hand
6. Quality time wiht each parent; I love doing yardwork, canoeing, or running with my dad but it feels odd with my mom - it is my time with my daddy
7. They taught me to follow my gut when making decisions
8. Supporting me in everything that I do
9. J.O.Y. - Jesus, Others, Yourself
10. Teaching me that bad decisions don't make me a bad person
11. Always express my opinions - my parents told me this constantly
12. Service makes yourself and those you are serving happier
13. Find your passion and live for it
Is that not the BEST parenting advice anyone could ever receive!!!!
1.4.2013
Member Comments About this Blog Entry
"That is great advice, and what a lucky young woman to have such wonderful role models as her parents." -- SISSYD33
I am going to be completely honest and vent here for a minute. For those of you that have been following our story, you know that I did not choose the name "Milo" for our son. His name was given to him by his birthmother and she requested that we keep his name. At first I HATED the name Milo...I truly feel that it is more of a cute animal name but struggled with it for our baby. My social worker asked us if it was a deal breaker and I decided that it wasn't, so we would just have to get used to it....
With that being said, I still struggle with his name. I really don't like it at all - I don't know what to do. I usually don't call him Milo, I call him "love" "sweetie" "handsome" etc.... but this can not go on forever. When I do try to call him by his name, I have a hard time letting it roll off of my tongue and sometimes even call him other names like Mason or Miles - I don't know how to make myself like his name. Has anyone else struggled with this? Is this something that will get better with time? I keep telling myself that it will grow on me, but so far - it hasn't! I am even embarrassed when people ask me, "Did YOU pick that name???" and yes, people are that bold. I guess I always hoped that we would pick out our baby's name, I never imagined that I would be sort of told what to name my baby especially since it isn't a name that I would ever choose.
Any advice on this would be greatly appreciated!!!!! Everyone else knows him as Milo so I feel that it is hard now to give him some sort of a nickname (not that Milo has any real options for a nickname).
1.2.2013
Member Comments About this Blog Entry
"I'm going to go with the rest of the crew here and recommend you call him Griffin, if that was the name you picked out. It's definitely becoming more common for people to go by their middle name, especially if they have the same name as their dad, etc. I see it more in guys. My brother in law's name is David Scott, and for most of his childhood, everyone called him Scotty, even his parents. I was confused, because they chose his name (not a family name) then didn't call him by it. He eventu..." -- JACOBSMOM09
"we picked the name Henry for our first son back in 2007 and people would ask us similar questions- "Did you name him that on purpose?" and when we answered yes! they would further it with "well it must be a family name then" as if we couldn't have possibly liked it. Having said that when Jake was born, my 2nd son I found it hard to say his name outloud to people- it felt akward coming out of my mouth and weird to hear it being said by others. My point- ignore others and bask in the glory of your..." -- HC2007
"I'm with most everyone else here....I think I would call him by his middle name. Lots of people go by their middle name now. And yes she is the birth mom but you are his mom, mommy, and his world so I agree you should like his name. Legally his name can be Milo but he can always be known as Griffin or whatever you guys choose as his parents." -- KELLY42105
"I'm with most everyone else here....I think I would call him by his middle name. Lots of people go by their middle name now. And yes she is the birth mom but you are his mom, mommy, and his world so I agree you should like his name. Legally his name can be Milo but he can always be known as Griffin or whatever you guys choose as his parents." -- KELLY42105
"I'm with most everyone else here....I think I would call him by his middle name. Lots of people go by their middle name now. And yes she is the birth mom but you are his mom, mommy, and his world so I agree you should like his name. Legally his name can be Milo but he can always be known as Griffin or whatever you guys choose as his parents." -- KELLY42105
There are a few things that let me know that I am a mom....
1. I always start my day off with coffee....lately I have to warm up the same cup of coffee three times before I finish it because it is hard to finish anything with a little one:)
2. My food is never hot or fresh...Usually as soon as I fix something to eat and sit down to eat it, he starts to fuss.
3. You will do ANYTHING to help a fussy baby stop crying....including pretending to be in a marching band (which oddly he LOVES) where we march through the house and "sing" band music hahaha - if anyone saw it they would think that we are nuts!!!
4. Everything now needs to be done one handed - some things are harder than others (cutting food for example) and you never realize how quickly you can clean or get things done when the baby is napping - I am on super speed knowing I only have a limited amount of time.
Overall, we are doing so well and are bursting with happiness. Milo has acid reflux which has been the cause of his fussiness at night. We started medication and will hopefully fix this problem soon. He sleeps well at night once we can get him to fall asleep - last night he fell asleep at midnight and woke up at 4 for a feeding. Then he slept until 8:30:) He usually only wakes up once or twice a night and goes right back to sleep - we are very lucky!
He is now 11 pounds and turned 8 weeks on Saturday! I can't believe how much he is growing and changing...it is amazing! When we brought him home three weeks ago, he was 9 lbs. 14 oz. so he is growing and developing well!
He has a missing septum in his brain but thus far all tests have come back with good results and the missing septum doesn't seem to be affecting his development, eye sight, or anything else like the doctors had originally feared.
So all is good and happy in the Sedmak home! We are just loving Milo! My husband is an amazing dad and had been extremely helpful around the house. It has been such a great adjustment!
This picture is one of our Christmas pictures:)
12.9.2012
Member Comments About this Blog Entry
"Welcome to motherhood.. I bet u love those changes though.. Love ur pics.. Enjoy this festive season with ur little family.. Kisses :*" -- -DIMA-
"You've pretty much described my first year of motherhood! Glad that Milo's doing well and you're enjoying Mommyhood. You must be excited for Milo's first Christmas!" -- EMG123
"Ha, love your list. Does Milo like a carrier? Jacob had reflux, and he didn't, though Lord knows I kept trying. We walked too. If you have steps, try going up and down them while holding him, it helped us.
One handed and cold food. Cold food doesn't stop right away, one handed will get better (and of course easier). Next will be explaining to a curious little one everything you are doing, and having your son want to wear your clothes, headbands, etc... :)" -- JACOBSMOM09
"I love your list! It's so funny how much things change. Sounds like your life is pretty normal as a new family. :)" -- DREAMER77
"Lol it is unbelievable how much you do with one hand! Brush your teeth, wash your face, put on makeup, dishes haha I still do all those things with one hand :) It is a source of comfort for Ds perhaps but for DH and I we just love it... We know he'll grow up far too quickly for us to have it any other way when we can help it lol I'm so happy the tests came back normal :) how reassuring it must be!! Love this update and can't wait for more!!!!" -- ANGE_AHMED
While I don't have a birth story to share...I have something so much more amazing, Milo's coming home story!
I worked on Monday, November 19th to take my mind off of the excitement! I left work and hurried home to get last minute things ready. We vacuumed and cleaned and anxiously waited for our social worker to call saying that the birth parents had signed the paperwork and that things were actually going to happen! We had been on pins and needles and just kept praying that everything was going smoothly.
Milo was supposed to arrive between 4:30 and 5, so when those times passed by without hearing from our social worker, I began to panic! When I say panic, I mean PANIC!!!! Did something go wrong? Is there a problem?
Then the social worker called saying that papers were signed and they were on their way!!! EEKKK the excitement was incredible! Milo's birth dad flew in from CA to sign the papers and wanted to be the one to hand over Milo to me. How special is that! So at about 6:15 we heard commotion outside our front door. Ed answered the door and Milo's birth grandfather was standing there holding a beautifully wrapped gift for Milo in his arms and behind him, his son was walking up our front sidewalk holding this tiny little bundle wrapped in a blue blanket. I immediately LOST IT! We were sobbing uncontrollably! Milo's birth dad walked through our front door and handed me Milo and it was honestly the most beautiful and perfect moment of my life!
I admire Milo's birth dad so much! For a 16 year old to fly in to do what he feels is best for his son and to want to be there when he was placed with his adoptive parents is amazing beyond understanding! His birth dad and grandfather cried seeing us with Milo. It was magical!!!
I was worried about missing the moment that he was born, but the moment we got to meet our son was far beyond the emotions that I honestly feel that I would have felt had I been there for the birth. It was years of struggle and heartache melting away. Milo has completely replaced those feelings with feelings of "it was so worth it" and love for our son! I know that he is meant to be ours, was always meant to be ours! His due date was the same due date as the baby that I lost! He is so perfectly worth every tear shed and every moment of heart ache!
So now, we are getting to know our precious son and enjoying being a mommy and daddy! We are so in love with him and looking at his face is the most amazing feeling in the world! There is so much love that we have for our son, I never knew this type of love existed! It is amazing how you can love someone so much so instantly! It was love at first sight for sure!!!
11.22.2012
Member Comments About this Blog Entry
"I am so very happy for you. Your little boy is adorable. Congratulations!!! :)" -- PIXIEJW
"I sobbed (yep, tears running off the face) reading this story. I am beyond happy for you and Ed. I don't know you personally, but I've been praying for you on this journey for a very long time.... It's hard to believe I "met" you on the TTC boards years ago when I was TTC as well.
Everything works out and you are so blessed to have Milo now. There will be lots of fun and not-so-fun parenting moments, but I promise you this new journey is the MOST rewarding, exciting, and loving one you'..." -- DREAMER77
"so very glad for you! Congrats Angie!!" -- HC2007
"I am in tears reading your story, congrats!!!! So happy for you guys, you will be amazing parents!" -- ERIN217
"I wish you all the best! Your story is amazing and encouraging to others who have had problems conceiving. How lucky is that little boy to have you guys as their parents." -- VANANGEL
Milo came today at about 6:15 and we sobbed the moment that we saw him! He is perfect in every single way and we are head over heels in love with this little guy! Thank you to everyone for praying for us and thinking of us...today was the most beautiful day of my life!
11.19.2012
Member Comments About this Blog Entry
"Enjoy every minute, Angie.. Loved the pics.. U really deserve this blessing.. Hugs & kisses :*" -- -DIMA-
"Happy tears are definitely streaming down my face right now. I am so happy for you both. You have a beautiful little family!! xo" -- FSEAMAN
": ) I have no words to express just how happy I am for you!! Congrats Momma! Love him and cherish him!" -- HC2007
"How perfect! Congratulations to you and your new family!" -- JACOBSMOM09
"I am crying tears of happiness for you guys. He is absolutely adorable and the look of joy on your faces in your pics.....long long overdue but so happy that you finally have your happy ending with such a precious little boy!" -- KASONSMOMMA82
I just had to post one last time before Milo arrives! WOW - it is so emotional to know that the wait is finally over and that after our 5 year journey has finally ended - we are leaving the TTC phase and entering PARENTHOOD - WHOA! I can't wait to see sweet Milo's face and hold him...tears run down my face every single time I think about meeting my son! It is incredible that our journey has brought us here. We have so very much to be thankful for this holiday season! I will try to post some pictures as soon as possible - thank you so much to all of you who have supported us throughout this incredibly long and hard journey. Thank you for the kind words, thank you for the love, and thank you for the prayers! We are SO CLOSE to meeting him and I know that every single tear that has been shed over the past 5 years will be worth it!
11.18.2012
Member Comments About this Blog Entry
"Cherish every moment Momma! The whole journey will have been worth it once you finally have little Milo in your arms." -- EMG123
"I was away and just signed on to check on you. Congratulations Mommy!! Welcome to the club : ) So incredibly overjoyed for you and cant wait to see pictures!! Enjoy this day!! You guys deserve it!" -- MEAGAN_GETZ2
"Can't waiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit!! Soooooooo happy for u, Angieeeeeeee :*" -- -DIMA-
"Oh lady- I cant put in to words how excited I am for you! I have thought about you all day. So glad for you and cant wait to hear details!" -- HC2007
"This is amazing! What a long , long wait. You must be overwhelmed with joy and love.
So happy for you to finally start your family!" -- 80LUNA80
This weekend is our last weekend without a child...it is absolutely mind blowing to think about it! I have started to wash all of his little clothes - he has been given so many clothes that are ADORABLE but I even had to run out and get a Thanksgiving sweater and a Christmas outfit (the Christmas outfit is RIDICULOUS it is so cute!!!). I have washed the bedding, taken the carseat out of storage and am getting ready for Milo's arrival on Monday! I can't stop crying throughout the day - I feel so overwhelmed with joy and happiness...I don't even know if there is a word to describe how blessed we feel!
Baby Milo Griffin, we can't wait to meet you!
11.17.2012
"Congratulations Lady! I am so excited for you!" -- HC2007
"Milo Griffin. Beautiful! I'm just so excited for you & thanking God for such Blessings! Oh I cannot wait for your first update once you have him home! Congratulations mama!" -- ANGE_AHMED
We got the official word that Amanda and Liam are signing the adoption paperwork on Monday and our social worker will be coming straight over after they sign to drop baby Milo off to us (at about 5:30)!!!!! We don't know whether to laugh, cry, or frantically start digging out all of the baby stuff:) We couldn't feel more blessed or happy! I can't wait to hold this sweet little miracle in my arms and know that it is real!
This will certainly be the most THANKFUL Thanksgiving I will EVER have! What a beautiful little blessing - right in the middle of a hard time! WOW - God is so good!
11.14.2012
Member Comments About this Blog Entry
"Congratulations!!! What an amazing gift!" -- ADVENTUREGIRL83
"Congratulations! I'm so very happy for you :D" -- MOMMA-ROO
"I've been following secretly since you posted about a name. I am so excited for you - this weekend is going to be crazy for you - I can't imagine what emotions will be going through your head. But I'm super excited for you that this is working out so well - what a rollercoaster you've been on! This is awesome news!! Congratulations a million times over!" -- ---M2C---
"Happy, happy, happy!!!!! What a wonderful THANKSGIVING!" -- DREAMER77
Today was so crazy! Amanda came over at about 3:45 and stayed until 7:15. We chatted about everything from her parents, to her school, to my job, to Milo. She gave us updates on him and how he is doing. It was so neat - today was the first day that we have seen her knowing that she is giving Milo up for adoption to us. Usually it was the whole "IF you choose adoption" scenario, so this was very different.
The conversation went very smoothly - we laughed and talked and I think learned a lot about each other. Then came the craziest thing....Ed was bold enough to ask to see Milo's picture - so she showed us the pictures that she has of him and it was surreal for sure! Just looking at his sweet face (there was one with his hands folded under his chin that was my favorite) was amazing! I am so excited to meet him and hold him!
I think that the meeting went really well. I still don't know when she will sign the paperwork but we are hoping and praying that it will be this weekend!
11.13.2012
Member Comments About this Blog Entry
"Oh Angie!! I'm so happy for you that I have tears in my eyes. I can't wait for you and Ed to have little Milo in your arms. You've been so patient and gone through so much to get to this point that you deserve that little boy more than anyone I can imagine. He's one lucky little boy. Hugs, hugs, hugs, hugs... Can't wait to see photos of your new family!" -- EMG123
"I'm so happy your meeting went well!! Hoping she signs those dang papers because you deserve to be holding baby milo in your arms NOW! :)
I hope everything goes smoothly! Thank you for keeping us updated! I'm so happy for you!" -- KJANDBABY
"I'm so glad you got to see pictures of the little man and that your meeting went smoothly!! Praying for her to sign soon." -- DREAMER77
"How wonderful. I'm almost in tears for you! Congratulations!" -- MJPSLP
"Angieeeeeeeeeeeeee, I'm SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO happy for uuuuuuuuuuu.. U made me cry, I swear!! I can't believe ur dream is FINALLY coming true.. U REALLY deserve this.. Can't wait to see some family pics soooooooooooon :D" -- -DIMA-
Amanda finally made a decision and is choosing ADOPTION for baby Milo! We are still in disbelief and shock! She is coming over tomorrow to our house to see it and to meet with us about everything. We are hoping that she finds the strength to sign the papers soon, otherwise she has the option of having a court hearing that will terminate her rights without having to actually sign the paperwork. She is very anxious about signing paperwork, so maybe the court hearing will make that easier for her. So, the best case scenario is that we will have him home for Thanksgiving next week (I can't even believe it!!!!!) and the other option (with the court hearing) will make the process take a few weeks, but we will have him home for Christmas! Please keep praying that things work out and that we have this sweet little baby home SOON!
We love him so much already! I can't believe that this is really real! I completely feel like I'm in a dream:)
11.12.2012
Member Comments About this Blog Entry
"I am crying reading this darn preggo hormones! I am so so so happy for you guys. I hope this process goes quickly and smoothly and that your holding your little one soon!" -- KASONSMOMMA82
"I thought I left a comment yesterday, but it's not showing up!
SOOOOOO happy for you! Can't wait for more details.
"So soon mama!!!!!!!!!! How did you and Ed react?! It must have been incredible! So very very happy for you!" -- ANGE_AHMED
"I know - it honestly doesn't feel like this is real - FINALLY!!!! I can't stop smiling:) I just can't wait to meet him...it is so surreal that our baby is out there somewhere - I just want to hold him!" -- ANGIESEDMAK
"Omg I've been thinking of you guys n praying for you!!! I cannot wait for more updates. Thank God for such an incredible Blessing!!!" -- ANGE_AHMED
With November here and the 11th around the corner, I have been extremely emotional! My due date with the baby that we lost was November 11th and I remember feeling so happy and excited that we would be parents and would have this little baby for Thanksgiving and Christmas.
Sometimes thinking back on those short weeks that I got to be pregnant seems so far away and almost like it was a dream instead of "real". Sometimes it seems so real that I can actually remember every single thing about that time including the dreaded day that we found out our little miracle's heart had stopped beating. The image of the ultrasound screen is forever burnt into my mind as I remember desperately searching for that tiny flicker of a heartbeat only to find nothing as the technician worked in silence to hopefully find some sign of life.
It is just a very emotional time for both of us right now as we struggle with this whole adoption process and the stressful waiting involved, and dealing with the fact that my original due date is just around the corner....
11.8.2012
Member Comments About this Blog Entry
"My heart goes out to you hun - I found the due date extremely difficult with this miscarriage and it must be especially so being so stressed out and waiting to find out about the adoption....sending love and prayers lady!" -- KASONSMOMMA82
We are still waiting for Amanda to make her final decision. The birthdad and his family were in town this past weekend to meet the baby and they also met with us last night. They were very nice and the meeting went very well. I guess everyone is on board, supporting adoption but Amanda is still not 100% sure. We are feeling very stressed while we are waiting. We have no idea as to what her final decision will be. I just hope that she makes it soon!
10.30.2012
"Thinking about you guys too and hoping you hear good news soon!" -- MEAGAN_GETZ2
"We're really praying she makes a decision soon! I cannot wait for the day you post about your baby coming home!!have any plans to meet the other birth mother been made? Praying for you guys!" -- ANGE_AHMED
So, while we are waiting for Amanda to make her final decision regarding her baby, we got an update from my social worker.
Apparently we have been chosen by another birthmom (she wants to meet us, but is only interested in meeting with us). She is due on Thanksgiving Day. Right now, she knows that we have already been chosen but that things are uncertain right now, so she is waiting to hear more about our situation before she looks into other adoptive parents to interview. CRAZY!!! My social worker told us that she has shown our profile to three different birthmoms and all three of them have been interested in us:) I am feeling more encouraged because I was starting to lose that hopefulness.
Hopefully Amanda makes up her mind soon! I really would like to adopt Milo (Amanda's baby) but am very open to this new potential situation as well. I guess when it rains, it pours!
10.26.2012
Member Comments About this Blog Entry
"I too- I was excepcting bad news from your headline! SO glad for you! I cannot wait for you to post your goods news and photos of you little one! (Sniff- tears of joy!) ~Jess" -- HC2007
"I have to admit when I saw "when it rains..." my heart sank. lol, very tricky title :) lol But that is GREAT! I am glad that God is pouring many many blessings on you finally! Thank God! See...we all know you would make great parents. I cannot wait to see what baby God chooses for you guys to have!" -- KELLY42105
"At least it's pouring good news. You and Ed certainly deserve it after all you've been through to get to this point. Hopefully Amanda will make up her mind soon so that you can move on with Milo or whichever other baby God has in mind for you. Hugs!" -- EMG123
"Thank God for such Belssings! I'm praying for you Angie!! Things are starting to look up! Praying you'll be holding your baby very soon. " -- ANGE_AHMED
"I've been checking for updates multiple times a day, and I would consider this one a good one. :) Keep your head up; it looks like good things are coming your way....one way or another!" -- DREAMER77
Our social worker met with Amanda on Monday and she is still not sure of whether or not she wants to give the baby up for adoption. It is honestly killing me just sitting here, waiting! I have a gut feeling that she will end up "parenting" the baby because she has been so indecisive and I feel that unless you are 100% ready to give your baby up for adoption, then you probably won't go through with it. The baby has been in foster care now for over a week, so hopefully she makes her final decision soon! I know it must be a very hard decision for her and can sympathize with how she must be feeling, but the waiting is honestly horrible! I don't know whether or not to get things prepared for the baby and since he is already born, it puts me into "panic" mode in terms of "Do I need to prepare lesson plans?" "Do I need to buy formula?" "Do I need to install the carseat?".....Hopefully I will have more updates soon!
10.24.2012
Member Comments About this Blog Entry
"Angie, you'll get those moments and pictures!! Whenever your baby comes home with you, that'll e your baby coming home! And when you and Ed give him/her their first bath- that will be his/her first bath! First bottle, etc. if Amanda does choose you guys, which I'm praying she does!, just remember that anything he's had until now has been temporary! Whenever you have the baby that's meant to be yours in your arms- that is when his/ her life begins :) Praying for you!!!" -- ANGE_AHMED
"Thank you so much ladies!!!! I feel awful that he is in foster care - I hope that they are taking good care of him. I started crying the other day thinking about adopting him and possibly not having picture of the "bringing him home" moment or possibly even his first bath....so sad! I hope that they are taking good care of him and holding him constantly:) I am so ready for the waiting to be over!" -- ANGIESEDMAK
"Prayers for you guys as you wait this out and prayers for Amanda to make the best decision for the sweet baby boy." -- DREAMER77
"How tough! I hope that you get news soon. I'm sure his foster parents are great bu you probably just want to go and snuggle that little boy. There was a little guy next to us at the NICU who had been taken from his mom at birth and I just wanted to pick him up and show him some affection. ((HUGS)) Keeping you in my prayers." -- EMG123
"Oh Gosh you poor thing. I cannot even imagine how difficult it is for her to make that decision, but I totally feel for you and Ed! I also fel terrible for the baby given that he is in foster care and without his mother (whoever his parent will be is what I mean). We are praying for you guys, Angie. I hope the wait is over soon! You've done so much waiting as it is. I cannot wait for you to get some AMAZING news! Hugs! Thought and prayers are always with you!" -- ANGE_AHMED
I was typing everything quickly yesterday and wanted to fill everyone in on a few special moments during our meeting yesterday morning.
Amanda is calling the baby "Milo" for now which means soldier. She asked us what we will be naming him (which sort of threw me off since at this time she hasn't made a final decision) and we told her that we absolutely can't decide between the three names we had narrowed it down to. She asked me what the names were and I told her:
Emmett
Griffin
Benton
So, asked her if she wanted to pick the name. She was excited and her and her mom thought about it for a minute and both of them, at the same time, said "Griffin Milo". So, if we do end up bringing home this little miracle child, Griffin Milo will be his name:)
Amanda also told me with the most sincerity possible, "You're going to be such a great mom" and I just bawled! Such a sweet thing for her to say! Her mom at the end of the meeting hugged me forever! She said that we are answers to many prayers. I know that her mom really wants Amanda to give the baby up for adoption, but only time will tell what Amanda's final decision is. I had this very vivid dream that Ed and I went to the foster home to pick up the baby and when I saw him, I said, "You are the little one we have been waiting so long for!" and that I was crying and shaking and kneeling on the floor next to his little bouncey seat looking at him. Oh, I so hope that dream comes true!
I can't stop thinking about the baby even though I know that I need to carefully guard my heart. Thinking of him being in a foster home instead of in our arms is KILLING me!
The social worker said that if Amanda does give the baby up for adoption, she definitely wants to use us, which is great! She doesn't even want to look at other couples or meet anyone else. And, if she does decide to give the baby to us, we can start visiting him in his foster home while the paperwork is being finalized (which could take a week or so since the dad lives in CA). We can also meet with the doctors during this time.
So all in all it was a great day! We were so thrilled with how everything went and were so happy after meeting with her. I was emotionally drained by the end of the day - I actually went to bed at 8:00 haha~!
10.19.2012
Member Comments About this Blog Entry
"and I LOVE the name you've all chosen." -- HC2007
"I am sitting here crying! Fingers crossed, prayers by the bucket.... I am so hoping this is it for you!!!!!!" -- HC2007
"Thank you everyone! We are so excited (cautiously of course) and can't wait for next phone call hopefully bringing us good news! EEEKKK - I just can't wait! Thank you everyone for your kind words, support and prayers!" -- ANGIESEDMAK
"Oh Angie, my eyes teared up reading this. I know what that magical moment is like when you finally get to look at your miracle, one you thought you would never have. I've prayed harder than ever that you get that moment too! I'm just so overwhelmed with hopeful feelings and excitement for you! See....even she knows that you will be such a great mommy. I've never met you face to face but I just know you're such an amazing person and will make a great mommy!" -- KELLY42105
"More chills!!! Thanks for the update, and I can't wait to hear more GOOD news." -- DREAMER77
I get so emotional thinking about this morning..... First of all, Amanda is an absolutely beautiful girl! She was sweet, kind, and we absolutely loved her! Her mom was with her during this meeting and she was just as wonderful!
For now we are waiting to see what her final decision is.....oh the suspense is KILLING me:) I completely sympathize with how she must be feeling and how hard this decision is for her. She loves her son and wants what is best for him. For now, he is in a foster home until everything is sorted out and final decisions are made. It went so well though and we were hopefully able to help her feel more comfortable with her decision. We want the baby to know her and know that she loves him if she does decide to give him to us. We have everything you could ever possibly need to bring home this baby (especially since the adoption that fell through was also a boy). Please keep us, Amanda and the baby in your prayers!
10.18.2012
Member Comments About this Blog Entry
"We are praying for you here, Angie. I'm praying this is finally your turn and trusting God knows best. Good luck xo" -- ANGE_AHMED
"Oh Angie, I got chills reading that update. I am hoping and praying that your dream of bringing home a baby is right around the corner. All of you are in my thoughts and prayers." -- DREAMER77
"Truly praying hard for everyone involved. Even her family as I am sure it will be hard on them as well. But what an awesome mommy & daddy this little boy would have with you and Ed. Angie I just hope this is it! I have so much love for you and your faith and strength. I know you dont always feel strong but believe me...you have been through so much and truly are strong and have kept faith." -- KELLY42105
"Good luck!! I really hope things work out for you!" -- AUDREY_850712
Once I got the call from our social worker that the first potential birthmom didn't work out, she told me that there were other potential things in the works for us. So, she called us a week ago on Friday to let us know that she was showing our profile to a potential birthmom the following Tuesday. She didn't get back to us, so I figured that the birthmom either didn't make a decision yet or decided to either keep the baby or give the baby to a different couple.
Our social worker isn't always the best at keeping us in the loop - so I emailed her on Thursday asking if she had heard anything from that birthmom. She finally called me back on Monday (yesterday) to let us know that the birthmom wants to meet us. I was immediately excited and said that we would be so happy to meet her. So, the social worker asked us what day and time would be good for setting up the meeting. She said that Thursday would be best for her so we scheduled an appointment to meet with the birthmom on Thursday.
Now here is the crazy part! I didn't have anything to write with or write on while on the phone with our social worker so I asked her to e-mail me the address for the meeting place. She e-mailed me last night confirming our meeting, giving me the address and also letting us know that the baby was born on SATURDAY!!!! WHAT???? So, I'm not exactly sure what all of this means or what the timeline is for this situation if it does work out and we do end up adopting him. CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY!
I e-mailed the social worker asking her what that means....is the baby is foster care? with his mom? I'm not sure how long we would have to wait to bring him home if we did end up adopting him or what the process is for this type of adoption....and so far - I have not heard back:( I mean, this could literally happen very soon if we are adopting him and I'm trying to determine if I need formula? to put the carseat in the car? etc.... not to mention taking off of work and figuring that all out!
The suspense is KILLING me! I am so excited to find out more! Hopefully I'll have information soon.
10.16.2012
Member Comments About this Blog Entry
"oh wow- I cant believe how fast this might happen! Praying for you!!" -- HC2007
"OMG, how exciting. EEEK! I am so anxious for you! A newborn baby boy,what a blessing, how awesome! I pray everything works out!!!! I will of course keep checking back. :) I am always checking your page to see if there are any updates." -- KELLY42105
"Keeping you guys in my prayers and hoping this baby is the one you've been waiting for!" -- EMG123
"Omg I've been checking yor profile every day for news... Please keep us posted!!!" -- ANGE_AHMED
"What an appropriate title for your post!!! Hoping and PRAYING that all goes well, and you have a sweet baby in your hands very, very soon.
My social worker FINALLY called me back yesterday - thank goodness! The waiting is always the hardest part. She said that the birthmom is still undecided and wants to meet with the other adoptive couple again before she makes her final decision - I guess she didn't ask them all of the questions that she wanted to ask. As of now, the social worker thinks that she is leaning towards the other couple. But, my social worker told me not to get discouraged...she said that there has been a lot "in the works" for us lately and that it has been a very busy week for her with meeting with potential birth moms that might be interested in us. I'm not sure what that all means and she isn't legally allowed to give us any information until the birthparents make more definite decisions, but that was good news!
Hopefully we will know more about the first birthmom today. And if that one is not meant to be, hopefully we will have exciting news soon!
10.4.2012
"I'm just praying for you guys! I cannot express how much I hope for you guys that no matter whether this little one is meant for you or not, that it happens soon! Some little one out there (born yet or not) is going to get the most amazing mom and dad.....you guys! Hoping you hear back soon!" -- KELLY42105
"praying that what is meant to be will happen soon for you guys!!!! I hope you hear soon though from the first mom! Waiting is always the tough part isn't it no matter what process you are going through and you have had WAY more then your fair share! Sending prayers and blessings your way !" -- KASONSMOMMA82
"Praying for you guys!! Everyday that goes by is one day sooner to meeting your baby!! It'll happen :)" -- ANGE_AHMED
We still haven't heard from the social worker and I'm literally DYING! This has honestly been the longest week of my life! There was some talk that I overheard on the way out the door that our social worker was going out of town this weekend and I'm hoping that this is the reason that she hasn't called. Maybe the birthmom needed more time? I know that her social worker wanted to meet with the birthmom before she made her final decision and wasn't able to meet until late Friday afternoon...who knows what is going on! UGH! All that I know is that we are anxiously awaiting some sort of news!
9.30.2012
"Praying for you Angie I cannot imagine how long this wait has been but can only hope that the wait will be over SOON and for an amazing reason God willing Good luck :)" -- ANGE_AHMED
"Oh my gosh! Maybe they would have told you right away if you weren't being picked? I think it's going to be good news. Good luck!" -- 80LUNA80
I still have not heard from our social worker and it is 5:00pm and the anxiety level is rising!!!! I am hoping that it doesn't mean that she hasn't chosen us to be the adoptive parents of her little one. I am just DYING to know!!! This is the worst waiting ever! haha
9.28.2012
Today was insane! Ed and I were so nervous - I have never felt so nervous in my life! BUT, once she came in, we were completely at ease. She was so nice and easy to talk to - we both really liked her! Now we wait....story of our lives....for her to make her final decision. She said that we should know by Friday so fingers crossed! I feel that she is the perfect fit for us and am hoping that she had the same feelings! She thinks that she is due in January but hasn't had an ultrasound yet to confirm.
9.24.2012
Member Comments About this Blog Entry
"Angie--I'm on pins and needles. I hope you get a phone call this morning telling you that your life is about to change forever! I think you and Ed are amazing and I've never met you! Don't know how a birth mother wouldn't feel the same way!!" -- MEAGAN_GETZ2
"Soo glad things went well and she made you guys feel at ease! I hope this is it!!!! I hope you get great news this Friday! I will be crossing fingers, toes, eyes, etc. I am gonna look silly with my eyes crossed for the rest of the week ;)" -- KELLY42105
"Yay! Fingers crossed you get good news Friday!" -- MOMMA-ROO
Well.....that day finally came when we got the call! Yesterday, my social worker left a message that we have been chosen as what she called a "finalist" for a birthmom. She has narrowed it down to 2 potential adoptive families and we are meeting with her on Monday, Sept. 24th:) I'm so excited, nervous, anxious.....I don't even know the right words to use!!! I don't know what to wear, what to say, what to expect....oh my - so many thoughts running through my head! Please pray that all goes well and that if this is the perfect match for us, then it will work out!
9.20.2012
Member Comments About this Blog Entry
"Thinking of you and Ed and praying things go well today!" -- EMG123
"Good luck! Praying for you and your husband!" -- ERIN217
"Great news, Angieeeeee.. Just be urself.. U'r great the way u are.. Best of luck.. Hugs & kisses ;)" -- -DIMA-
"OMG!! I'm so excited for you!!!!! I will be praying for you and Ed. I cannot wait to hear how things go on Monday! You and Ed are such awesome people and just remember like a couple other people said, just be yourself and that the birthmom is probably just as nervous. :)" -- KELLY42105
"OMG!!! So excited for you! Please keep us posted! Sending only the best wishes for you! ~Jess" -- HC2007
Well...the big fundraiser was on Sunday and it was a success! We raffled off 76 prizes including a full desktop computer, two $100 gift cards to a nice local restaurant, and three footballs signed by a Browns player, Josh Cribbs! We raised almost $7,000 at the fundraiser which is the exact amount we need to give the agency to "bring home a baby". Now all we need to do is save up for the "living expenses" that need to be paid up front ($3,000) and the final adoption fees ($5,000) which are due 6 months after we bring home the baby. We are so excited and felt overwhelmed, humbled, and blessed beyond understanding by the love and support that was shown yesterday! Friends and family (even people we had never met) came to the fundraiser and were so very generous! We are just waiting on that miraculous phone call and are so happy right now!
8.28.2012
Member Comments About this Blog Entry
"I'm so happy for you guys! I wish you the very best!!" -- USPLUSONE
"That's so wonderful! I hope things continue to go smoothly and you get that call very soon for your take home baby :)" -- MOMMA-ROO
"Wonderful news lady! So glad to read your post!! Best wishes that this new journey keeps moving along in such a positive manner! Hugs, ~Jess" -- HC2007
"Great news, Angieeeeeeeeee.. Sooooooo happy for u.. Hugs & kisses all the way from Spain :*" -- -DIMA-
"That is just awesome! I was wondering how it went! I'm so happy you have that money now...I can't even say how happy I am...now I'll just be checking on here fo when you get the call! :) I hope the phone rings soon but until then you can focus on making that nursery complete like you said! When the bedding comes in you have to post pictures and even some pics of the nursery if you're willing. I'm just so excited for you guys!" -- KELLY42105
Our social worker came out to our home (I don't remember if I mentioned it already, but we are switching to a more local agency) to meet with us and inspect our home. It was sweet....she cried when she saw our nursery - it is still exactly the way it was when we decorated it for Gavin's arrival (the adoption that fell through at the last minute). She said that it must be so hard for us to go into that room - but honestly it doesn't feel like "Gavin's room" anymore...it is just a room waiting for a baby. She was really very nice and helped us put together a profile to show birthparents. So now we just have to wait for a call.
My aunt is putting together a fund raiser for us that will be held at the church. By now, we have probably spent almost $40,000 on trying to start our family and have nothing really to show for it. We certainly don't have an additional $15,000 or so for adoption - so everyone has been chipping in and organizing an event to help us raise the money - my family is just amazing!!!! We will be having a silent auction and local football players (for the Browns) are donating signed items to auction off, a mom that I babysit for works for a jewelry company and they are donating earrings and other items, and my brother owns a brewery and is donating gift certificates. It literally makes me cry when I think about how generous and thoughtful the people in our lives have been throughout this whole journey.
I am actually getting excited and am trying very hard to focus on the good aspects of adopting and let go of all of those negative thoughts and fears. So far, we have been doing really well. Ed is super excited which helps. It never mattered to him whether or not the baby that we have is biologically ours or not. I am more nervous about letting go of the "pregnancy" part. We are open to having a child of any race and background so we will see what child is meant for us.....
7.14.2012
Member Comments About this Blog Entry
"I'm always thinking about you and I can't wait for you to have a child of your own. I can't think of anyone more deserving :) Good luck with the process!
It's so wonderful to hear that your church is going to help you out financially!" -- KJANDBABY
"best wishes for a full and happy family soon! i love that your community is being so compassionate towards you on this difficult journey." -- BLUDRAGONFLY180
"I'm very excited for you guys!!!! It is no wonder that so many people are really helping you guys....you guys are great people and truly deserve to be parents and everyone knows it! I cannot wait to see what little baby is meant to be yours. I have so much hope, excitment, and love in my heart for you and I hope this is the first of many many ups in your life and no more of these devastating heartaches. I look foward to seeing you and Ed build an amazing family!" -- KELLY42105
"I think the part that made me the most emotional was "any race". I guess because we are an interracial family and I know not everyone is supportive of that it hits close to my heart. Do not get me wrong, I understand people wanting to experience pregnancy and have a child who looks like them, etc... But I think that he color of your baby's skin won't matter once they're in your arms. I wouldn't judge you for not being open about it, but I guess I have an appreciation that you are :) I'm so h..." -- ANGE_AHMED
"I am so excited that you guys are moving forward with your dreams! I admire your great attitude. :) Best of luck." -- DREAMER77
Ed and I met with the doctor today and they were unable to grant us another round of IVF through the program. We were so sad, but in a way, this makes the decision easy for us. Our church has offered to have a fund raiser for us to raise the money that we would need to adopt a baby and we were struggling with choosing adoption or IVF again. I was so tired of the exhausting IVF process and almost as afraid of getting pregnant as I am of not getting pregnant. The miscarriage brought me so much pain and sadness and the image of our precious little embryo without a heartbeat is forever ingrained in my mind.
I have had a hard time with making the decision to either continue pursuing fertility treatments or choose adoption for a few reasons:
- Adoption is so expensive there are a few fears that I have with it:
I'm terrified of getting our hearts broken again! That was the single hardest thing I have ever had to deal with - even harder than the miscarriage I think.
I realized how magical it was to be pregnant and the moment when I saw two pink lines was one of the happiest moments of my life - I want that feeling again - along with all of the joys of pregnancy/delivery.
I'm so afraid that I'll never have a child of my own. I'm afraid that I'll never get to experience feeling a baby move inside of me, or experience all of the ups and downs of pregnancy. I know that not all of the moments are glorious or fun, but I still want the chance to be able to experience them.
I know that this may seem strange...but once I realized that it was even possible for me to get pregnant, I had these hopes and dreams of being able to look at my child and see me and Ed - I'm afraid that I'll never be able to experience having a child that looks like us.
BUT - we have always been open to adoption (which is why we tried that route before). We know we could love any child, even if they aren't biologically ours - that is why my heart was broken so badly when the adoption fell through last year...that baby felt like he was ours. We loved him like our own.
I'm afraid of waiting and waiting for a birthmom to choose us.
I guess I just have a lot of fears! I have developed these fears through our devastating losses and I hate that I'm not blissfully ignorant and optimistic to these bad possibilities like I was before.
I think for now, we are going to try the adoption route and then if we are lucky enough to be chosen for a baby, when that baby is old enough, we will reconsider IVF again for a second child.
We have cried a lot of tears over the past two weeks and have felt very hopeless. We have given every single option our best effort and have put 100% into every different choice we have made to become parents and have been hurt every time. I'm hoping that this decision ends up being the right decision and that we will have the best of both worlds one day - an adopted little one and a baby that is biologically ours.
Please pray for us right now. I have never felt so emotionally fragile. Ed has been so supportive and great, but we are just drained and afraid of more pain and disappointment. After everything we have been through, the hardest thing is to let go of the dream of becomming pregnant for now and instead focus my energy on a different journey. I'm praying for the right baby to come along in the near future and for things to go smoothly for once and for it to become easier and easier to let go of my desire to be pregnant. UGH - life is so hard sometimes!
7.3.2012
Member Comments About this Blog Entry
"My husband and I struggled with the same thing and considered adoption as well. There are tons of babies out there that need wonderful and amazing parents and you two are going to be fantastic. I am praying for you and know that everything will work out exactly like it's supposed to. HUGS!!!" -- ADVENTUREGIRL83
"I'm so sorry that you didn't get the free IVF :( I know it's hard for anybody who has never been in your shoes to understand the importance of wanting to experience pregnancy (meaning those hove done it or those who've had success with adoption will tell you it doesn't matter, and mean it, but it's also never been an issue for them). But I think you're doing amazingly well considering, and applaud you for being open to adoption for now. You would still be giving a child life! And those nine mon..." -- ANGE_AHMED
"I'm sorry you didnt get another round of IVF. I was hoping you would. All of your fears and sadness are totally understandable/justified. Reading your hopes for a little one that looks like you and Ed are totally understandable, that was what I wanted so badly. I was soo very afraid for the same thing when I kept loosing our little babies at about 10 weeks each time, I remember crying and saying the same thing to Ryan, " Are we ever going to have our own baby, I want to have a baby that looks li..." -- KELLY42105
"I'm happy I came across your blog. I'll definitely pray for you! I hope you look back at this entry years from now and see just how much your life has improved and how happy you are! Sending a BIG HUG your way!!" -- USPLUSONE
"Thinking of you in this tough time! Sending tons of hugs and prayers for you and Ed!" -- KASONSMOMMA82
I talked to the doctor after this FET didn't work and he is going to run some additional specialized tests on Ed to see if he has a rare problem with his hormone levels that would cause issues with his sperm. My egg quality is ok - not poor but not great either and Ed's sperm is not so great so our embryos aren't strong enough to make it. If he can find the problem with Ed, he can fix it with medication which would help tremendously! The best part is that the doctors feel so heartbroken for us that they are recommending that we get ANOTHER free round of IVF - I bawled and bawled on the phone - the doctor was even crying! They have been so supportive and sweet and want us to have a baby so badly! What a blessing they have been to us! So for now we are praying that the board approves our free round of IVF and that the doctors can figure out what is truly wrong so that they can fix it so that we can have a successful round of IVF and a healthy baby soon!
6.20.2012
Member Comments About this Blog Entry
"That is such amazing news!!!! What an amazing dr's office. You guys truly deserve it!!" -- KELLY42105
"That is such amazing news!! You guys are in my prayers. I know it will work for you!!" -- ADVENTUREGIRL83
"Thank God, what a blessing! So happy for you Angie and looking forward to more happy updates!! God Bless xox" -- ANGE_AHMED
I tested today (10p3dt) and got one pink line:( Last IVF cycle, I tested on the same day and got a positive. I go in for the official blood test on Monday, but I sort of figured that it would be negative because I have absolutely no pregnancy symptoms at all! I actually feel really good. UGH - seeing one line just stinks!
6.14.2012
Member Comments About this Blog Entry
"so sorry but still keep your hopes up! wishing for good news on monday!" -- BLUDRAGONFLY180
"Keeping you in our prayers Angie God Bless and stay strong!! " -- ANGE_AHMED
"I tested again today (which would technically be the day that my "period would come if it was a normal cycle) and it was still negative:( I'll just have to wait until Monday for official results, but I'm feeling like it is probably not our lucky cycle! I'll keep everyone posted!" -- ANGIESEDMAK
"Still hoping that Monday's beta gives you better results. ((HUGS))" -- EMG123
"They're right- still early! Some times they pop up later!! You said you meds were changed! Could those early lines last tiem have been the result of some of the meds??? Fingers crossed and prayers! ~Jess" -- HC2007
So far, I'm feeling really great! I am on different medication and the side effects are very very minimal which is great! I'm also not feeling those "false pregnancy" symptoms which makes me a bit worried - I honestly feel normal! No sore boobs, no other pregnancy symptom, but it is still very early and I know that....hoping for some sort of pregnancy symptom soon! I guess I'm a bit more tired than I usually am, but that is about it.
6.10.2012
Member Comments About this Blog Entry
"Anxiously awaiting some great baby news from you God willing! Praying for you guys! I'm so glad that there aren't many side effects with these meds! Lots n lots of very sticky baby dust being sent your way!!" -- ANGE_AHMED
"Sending lots of sticky baby vibes!! FX" -- SARALEJO2011
"FINGERS CROSSED. Praying for you every day girl!" -- KASONSMOMMA82
Our frozen embryo transfer went well. Both of our frozen embryos (one from the first IVF attempt back in June of last year and one from the second IVF attempt from February) thawed well and were transferred this morning at about 10:30 a.m. I did acupuncture for the entire second IVF process and did it this morning before the transfer also. It was so relaxing! So now we wait....ugh! Praying for great news in about 2 weeks!!!!!
6.4.2012
"Good luck! Maybe you'll have the same news as me- twins!" -- ADVENTUREGIRL83
"Glad things went well. Praying for those two little embabies!" -- EMG123
"I'm praying for you n so hoping for some incredible news God willing!! I'm so happy that everything went well, thank God :) Hugs n lots of sticky sticky baby dust!" -- ANGE_AHMED
"Best wishes! You will be in my thoughts and prayers lady! Hugs sent!" -- HC2007
Well...time has flown by (thankfully) due to my schedule being so incredibly busy and it is almost time for the FET which is tentatively scheduled for Monday, June 4th - wow! I can't believe it is just around the corner. It feels so surreal - I have had no shots, no blood work, no appointments, no ultrasounds, no pain, no swelling, no mood swings - I feel great! So it seems so strange that we are preparing for the procedure.... all I have had to do is take pills which prevents my cycle from happening on its own so that they can control it. I have my first ultrasound tomorrow to check my lining to make sure it is thick enough for the transfer. It is so hard to wrap my mind around the fact that our remaining two embryos will be transferred within a week - CRAZY!
5.29.2012
Member Comments About this Blog Entry
"Sending lots of positive vibes! Good luck!" -- FSEAMAN
"I am so glad that you are feeling good and that you havent had to have shots this time. I will keep praying for good news after Monday! Exciting!" -- KELLY42105
"Good luck, Angie.. U were on my mind this morning & was so glad to get ur journal's update notification.. Hope evthg will go well this time.. Hugs & kisses :)" -- -DIMA-
"Thank you ladies! I'm still in a bit of shock that it is coming up so soon. I'm feeling really great! No side effects from the meds that I'm taking (only estrace pills - nothing like a fresh IVF cycle) and so far everything looks good!" -- ANGIESEDMAK
My tests came back from the breast center and everything looks good which was a HUGE relief! They did an ultrasound and a mammogram and thankfully the restuls were ok.
I'm waiting on AF to show up so that I can start the process all over again. This protocol is much easier and less invasive which is a good thing - I don't think I could do a fresh IVF cycle all over again right now! I already have the medication and am just waiting to start it.
The only "hiccup" we have had lately has been my bloodwork. I had hcg levels tested on Monday to make sure that my levels were back at "0". After a D&C your levels typically go back down very very quickly. As soon as all of the tissue is out (the embryo and gestational sac) then your levels go back down rapidly. They can't start the FET cycle unless your levels are back down to "0". I went in on Monday to have my levels tested and they were at 12 which means that all of the tissue hasn't left my body yet. I have to go back in on Monday to have another blood test and they are hopeful that my levels will be down so that I can start the next process soon. It has almost been 5 weeks since the D&C and they were shocked that my levels were at a 12 instead of a 0. This is rare I guess after this long. I'm expecting AF next week most likely and then hopefully the process will start all over again!
5.9.2012
Member Comments About this Blog Entry
"Still praying all goes well for you, and that you gain in strength in mind, body and soul." -- JENNIFERKC
"I've been holding my breath waiting to hear your results from your mammogram. I am so relieved that everything is ok. Now I just hope to hear your levels go back to 0 so you can try again. You are so strong....even though you may not feel like it. For everything you are going through, I really think you need to hear how strong you are even though you probably dont feel like it! (((Hugs)))" -- KELLY42105
"Great news! Glad you are okay :)
And good luck, I hope your levels are back to 0 by Monday." -- MOMMA-ROO
"Good news!!
Best of luck with this next cycle!!!" -- DREAMER77
Ed and I were talking yesterday and I was confessing that I don't know how much longer I can keep this up. I am a bit tired of feeling like a science experiment and taking all of these different paths which all take me back to where I started...except that I'm more upset and broken each time! I told him that my strength is running low and usually I'm the optimistic and strong one! He told me that there are two things in life that he will never give up on and will not stop fighting for....our marriage and a child - what an amazing husband! He has been so great through all of this and is just as upset as I am. He is the only one that I talk to on a regular basis about how I'm feeling and usually he is feeling the same way which makes me feel like less of a "freak".
So, I think that I owe it to him and to myself to hang in there for now even when I feel like throwing in the towel. I know that the reward will be so worth it once we finally get there - it is just a matter of getting there and affording the routes that we choose to take!
I just love him more now that I ever have - and I've always been totally and completely in love with him:)
4.24.2012
Member Comments About this Blog Entry
"What an awesome hubby you've got! You're definitely in this together and the best part is that God is on your side! ALL of these trials and struggles will only bring you closer to the day you get to hold your precious child! ((hugs))" -- MRS.FREEMAN07
"I'm so glad you have a wonderful DH to lean on. The two of you have been through more than you should have to in order to start your family- if you can make it through this, you'll definitely be able to make it through anything. Keeping you both in my thoughts and prayers. ((HUGS))" -- EMG123
"Thank you all so much .... he really is great! I just look at him and think about how lucky I am to have him! Not many men are as supportive and understanding as Ed! I will say that infertility has helped strengthen our marriage and has brought us closer and for that, I'm thankful." -- ANGIESEDMAK
"This brought tears to my eyes. You guys are so great! I just wish and pray so strongly that you guys have a healthy child soon! You do have a wonderful, amazing husband which is truly great becuase you are such a wonderful person yourself. Hang in there Angie...hold on....you are just too great of a person not to have a little you in this world! (((Hugs)))" -- KELLY42105
"Aww you sound like you have a great hubby :)" -- MOMMA-ROO
It has been a very long few weeks. I have had two infections now. I had to go to the hospital on Friday because I was still bleeding heavily - worse than a typical period. They had to put me on a clotting medication and found that I had an infection in the lining of my uterus. I am on a new antibiotic which seems to be helping. I'm finally feeling a bit better physically which is good.
They wanted me to do the FET as soon as I get my next period but I'm not so sure I'll be ready emotionally OR physically by then. It has already been three weeks since we got the dreaded news and I'm just not so sure my body is up for it.
On top of everything, the doctors have found a lump in my left breast. I have to see an oncologist on Wednesday to have a mamogram and ultrasounds done to make sure that it is benign before we undergo any more treatments. UGH - I feel like it has been a nightmare! It seems to be one thing after another. Emotionally, I still cry a lot and am very sad, Ed is too, but I think it is getting better. I'm thinking that we may want to look into a surrogate or gestational carrier for our remaining embryos but we haven't made that final decision yet.
4.23.2012
Member Comments About this Blog Entry
"Thanks Ladies...it is so true - this journey takes a HUGE toll on us in every way! Thankfully, Ed is super supportive and wonderful!" -- ANGIESEDMAK
"I just wanted to let you know how sorry I am for your loss. I don't think anyone can truly understand what it is we go through in this journey...the toll it takes on us physically, emotionally, and spiritually. The loss hits harder than just about anything. I want you to know I am praying for you as you heal and recover, deal with new and uncertain issues, and as you make a decision about your future path. If you need anything, please let me know. Hugs." -- JENNIFERKC
"oh lady! so sorry!! Sending prayers! It definitely takes time to heal! Hugs for the journey along the way!
I had a lump earlier this year and it was the best day of my life when I was told benign! I smiled for nearly a week after the test but... it truly scared the crap out of me to think about the other possibilities! Hugs, and hoping all is well adn its nothing more than a scare!" -- HC2007
I had the d&c on Friday and then pretty much slept the entire day. I felt pretty good on Saturday and was hardly spotting at all. I am NOT a pain medication person and prefer to avoid it so I never even filled my prescription for the strong ibuprofen that they gave me (I don't take other pain meds). On Sunday though I woke up with horrible pains that were far worse than cramping. I was bleeding heavily and was miserable. When the pain would occur, I couldn't even stand up - it would literally take my breath away.
On Sunday night I couldn't sleep because of the pain and I developed a fever, bodyaches, and had the chills. It was awful! I called the doctor on Monday and they rushed me right in. I was given antibiotics and then I filled my pain medication. During the day, I passed many large clots and the doctor believed that the d&c didn't quite get everything and that I might have to have another procedure done! UGH!
After an ultrasound on Tuesday, they realized that the worst of it was over and that I would not need another procedure (thank God!). I am still on medication for the infection and for the pain. The good news is that as soon as AF shows up I can start the medication for a frozen embryo transfer. The doctors seemed optimistic and hopeful.
4.12.2012
Member Comments About this Blog Entry
"Angie, you are soo strong. I know how bad this sucks and there is no other term for it. When I miscarried they wanted me to pass it myself and my numbers werent dropping but they wouldnt do a d/c...even though I begged. Im glad that, that part seems to be over for you! The fact you got pregnant is a GREAT sign and I pray the FET is the magic one :) or maybe two!! The best thing to come out of this is you wont ever take your baby for granted and that is something not many people can say! I cant w..." -- MSISLES
"I'm so sorry Angie. There are no words... Thinking of you and Ed and keeping you in my prayers!" -- EMG123
"I'm so sorry to hear what you've been going through lately. Best wishes and happy thoughts for good news in the near future.
"I hope you feel a bit better and the pain and fever are gone. I'm still just so sorry for your loss Angie. I hope you can do the transfer and that you get a sticky little baby. I'm thinking about ya lots! Take care of yourself!" -- KELLY42105
"Aww Sorry you have to be going through this and I hope you feel better soon." -- MOMMA-ROO
On Monday, I went in to go over my blood levels with my regular OBGYN and he decided to do an ultrasound and found that the baby's heart had stopped beating. At that point I burst into tears and he said to me that at least now I know that I can get pregnant. I responded, "BARELY! Yes, after 5 very long and hard years of TTC, three IUIs, two failed adoptions, two rounds of IVF and about $35,000 later, I have gotten pregnant through the most advanced and invasive reproductive technology available. I have done IVF twice now and we can't afford another $10,000 round of IVF!" Obviously, I was very emotional at that moment, but it is true.
After leaving my doctor's office, I called my RE and was sobbing on the phone - so the receptionist told me to come right in. I drove out to that hospital (about 25 minutes away from my regular OBGYN) and they did another ultrasound to confirm the results. Then I went home and they called me and had me come back to have a shot because I am rH- and Ed is rh+ and if I started to miscarry the baby's blood could mix with mine and cause issues. So I spent the entire day at the doctor's office.
We do have at least one embryo frozen that we could transfer for about $2,000 plus medication but the success rates for a frozen embryo transfer (assuming that the embryo thaws properly) are much less than a fresh IVF cycle.
We also have another frozen embryo (making a total of 2) that we were originally told was not genetically good to use. We were told that even if it did implant, it wouldn't grow properly and I would miscarry so I am terrified to use that embryo even though now they are saying that it might be ok (whatever that means???).
I'm so scared for the D&C tomorrow. After 5 years of trying and finally getting your very first positive pregnancy tests and ultrasounds to prove that you are indeed pregnant, it seems so backwards to have a D&C done. I was bawling yesterday telling Ed that I have waited so long for this little baby and a part of me just wants to get this over with and the other part of me is so scared that this may be the only pregnancy that I ever get a chance to have and I'm aborting it. It is such a strange feeling - I am just not ready to part with this little one even though I know it's tiny heart isn't beating. I'm also physically feeling exactly the same so everything feels so surreal. I have had no cramping, spotting, or any other symptom of a miscarriage. It's just been a nightmare!
I hate that I can't say, "well, we can try again next month" and know that there would be even the slightest possibility of getting pregnant. Infertility is such a hard uphill battle sometimes! Most of the time I am able to sort of distract my mind from it and not think about it (otherwise I would drive myself insane) but it is during these moments when it is so real and overwhelming!
4.5.2012
Member Comments About this Blog Entry
"Thank you ladies. The d&c went well - everything went as planned, no complications which is good. I was just an emotional wreck and sobbed up until they put me under. The one nurse in the operating room actually said, "Poor thing, just put her under already!" and that is all I remember. Even my doctor was crying...he has seen us go through so much and was so sad for us." -- ANGIESEDMAK
"I know your feeling. I got pregnant and miscarried more than once, and had to have a DNC. My problem was that I had blood clotting issues, and my age. When I finally did have IVF, it was with donor's eggs. You can't imagine what a failure I felt to think I had to use another woman's eggs. But in the end, I know that all the pain, all the suffering and loses, and all the money made sense to me. I can't explain to you...but your little one is out there somewhere. I know you don't want to he..." -- BABYWEISS
"I was told the same thing by many people..."Atleast you know you can get pregnant." that isnt really comforting at all when you just lost your little one. It's kind of like if your kid was two and passed away...would they say that same thing?? No....it's horrible and devastating and tramatizing to loose your little one no matter what age. I hated that saying, but especially like you said, everything you guys have gone through to get that baby. :( Reading this really made me cry becuase I remembe..." -- KELLY42105
"Omg Angie this is heart wrenching. I'm so sorry you're going through this and cannot begin to imagine how you're feeling. We are praying for you and I hope to God things get better for you guys soon. I am so sorry. Thoughts are with you, Angelina" -- ANGE_AHMED
"Omg Angie this is heart wrenching. I'm so sorry you're going through this and cannot begin to imagine how you're feeling. We are praying for you and I hope to God things get better for you guys soon. I am so sorry. Thoughts are with you, Angelina" -- ANGE_AHMED
I had another appointment today and they did an ultrasound and found that the baby's heart stopped beating. I have a D&C scheduled for Friday. We are just in disbelief and are so heartbroken!
4.2.2012
Member Comments About this Blog Entry
"Thank you everyone - it has been a week full of tears, that is for sure! What an emotional roller coaster we have been on for the past 5 years, but now, I'm just exhausted!" -- ANGIESEDMAK
"Oh Angie. I'm so unbelievably sorry for your loss. It seems so unfair! Praying for you and Ed." -- EMG123
"I'm so sorry. I wish there was something else I could say. You're in my prayers." -- ANGE_AHMED
"((hugs))) I know how hard it is...because I have been there. sometimes God makes decisions for us so we don't have to. We are all here if you need to talk about anything." -- BABYWEISS
"Oh honey! I am so very sorry! I cannot even find words! I am so very sorry lady! Hugs and prayers! ~Jess" -- HC2007
My regular OBGYN wanted to test my hcg levels since they hadn't been tested in a while. Once you test them at 5 weeks, the clinic that I have been seeing for IVF won't test them anymore. Mine at 4 weeks were 204, then at week 5 were 3,113 which was great! So, I tested them again to make sure that I'm not miscarrying and they went from 26,401 to 31,317 in less than 48 hours which is good because at the beginning, they rise very quickly and double ever 48-72 hrs, but once they hit 8,000 they slow down and the closer that you get to 8 weeks, the slower they double. So, for now, I feel really good that things are going well and that the baby is healthy! I've had no spotting at all or cramping. I am absolutely exhausted all day long, even with a nap:) A lot of foods just don't sound good to me (mostly meat and veggies which is what I used to live on) and I've had some "morning sickness" on and off for the past few days. I think the baby is healthy and am so thankful for this miracle!!!!
3.31.2012
Member Comments About this Blog Entry
"I am so glad that you are doing good! Those levels are great news! This little one is going to be a healthy and sticky little baby! :) YAY!" -- KELLY42105
"Awesome news! Hope that reassuring news can help you relax and enjoy the exhaustion & morning sickness!" -- EMG123
"I am so happy to hear that things are going well. Keep up with the updates!" -- KELARU
"So glad to hear this!! Keeping you in my thoughts!! Hugs, Jess" -- HC2007
I had a repeat ultrasound today and we were so nervous! The tech was able to find the baby and we were able to see the heartbeat which made us both bawl like babies! It was amazing! The ultrasound tech is still a bit nervous because the baby is measuring smaller than he/she should and the heartbeat is low, but the nurses were very optimistic which is good. The heartbeat is at 100 and the baby is measuring a full week behind schedule which is strange because we did IVF, so we know EXACTLY when we got pregnant, no guess work there lol!
We have another appointment next week on Thursday to have another ultrasound done to make sure that the baby is growing and progressing. But for now, we are just so thrilled to have been able to see the baby and the heartbeat! What a miracle!
3.27.2012
Member Comments About this Blog Entry
"Phew! So glad that baby is coming along. Keeping you in my prayers." -- EMG123
"Thank you - I just keep saying, "Today is a great day and I'm grateful for this pregnancy and another day with my baby" and the rest is up to God at this point!" -- ANGIESEDMAK
"Yay! Thank God! I am so happy to hear everything is ok!" -- KELLY42105
"I have been praying too!!! Grow little baby...grow!!!" -- BABYWEISS
"So glad to hear that! Keeping you in my prayers that everything is good next week too~!" -- JACOBSMOM09
I went in for my ultrasound today. I am 6 weeks and 2 days along. They should have been able to see the actual embryo within each sac. I had one sac visible and the tech. was unable to see an embryo within the sac. The nurse said that I have to go back in next Tuesday and said that we will really know that something is wrong if we can't see the embryo at that point. She also said that it might be too early and that this isn't terribly uncommon. Even though I know that it is early, I'm still a bit worried! I just keep praying that this little one is healthy and growing!!!!!
3.20.2012
"Thinking of you. Six weeks is quite early to see anything but I'm sure the next u/s will put your mind at ease!" -- EMG123
"Yes, it was a transvaginal ultrasound and the RE that I see does them at 6 weeks for every patient. As we get closer to Tuesday I am feeling a mix of emotions from very excited to have my mind put at ease to scared..." -- ANGIESEDMAK
"Angie I'm praying for you an your little one!!! I know this is stressful but stressing will do no good to anybody. Try to relax and stay positive!!! It was probably just too early! Don't let this stress you out... Sending positive thoughts and prayers and sticky healthy baby dust!!! xox" -- ANGE_AHMED
"Did you have a transvaginal ultrasound? Most of the time that is the only way you can see something this early in pregnancy." -- ERINWBABY
I went in today for another blood test and the results were great! My hcg levels went up from 204 (last week) to 3,113 which is really good! Next week I get to see this little one(s) and I'm so ecstatic! I can't wait to
3.13.2012
My first round of bloodwork came back yesterday and everything looks great! My Beta level was 204 which is good! I was so happy to have the doctor confirm that I am indeed pregnant!!!!! Ed and I went out after we got the call and bought a cute little stuffed giraffe for the baby and a few books (one of them is a pregnancy journal). I'm just so excited!!! I have another appointment to check my levels next Tuesday (Mar 13) and then my first ultrasound assuming all goes well until then will be on Mar 20th:)
3.7.2012
Member Comments About this Blog Entry
"That is so awesome!!!! Congrats! Praying for a healthy pregnancy for you! :)" -- ERIN217
"We had absolutely every intention of not telling anyone until the ultrasound appointment, but I am just way too excited to keep it in!!! On top of that, a lot of people in our family (and many friends) knew that we were doing IVF and would be finding out soon, so everyone has been asking. So, we did tell close friends and family that we are FINALLY pregnant and everyone has been so happy and excited for us! My mother-in-law was bawling, my mom has been telling everyone she knows because she i..." -- ANGIESEDMAK
"Congratulations again!!!! Angie, this is SO exciting and I'm so happy for you two!! Are you still waiting to tell people?! I cannot wait for your US! God Bless xox" -- ANGE_AHMED
"That is great! I cannot even express how happy for you! I remember just wanting the dr. to say Yes indeed you are pregnant. There is just something about that isnt there...makes it all real!! I pray for a healthy and happy pregnancy!! YAY" -- KELLY42105
I of course have to pee in the middle of the night, so I took another test at 3:00 am - two lines BFP BFP BFP and then tested again at about 7:00 this morning with a digital Clear Blue Easy test and it actually said PREGNANT!!!! I can not contain my excitement! Every time Ed and I look at each other we just smile and then our eyes start to tear up! I just can't get over how blessed I feel and how happy that I am! What a journey and hopefully the doctor has great news for us this week!!!! Stick little one(s) stick!!!!
3.4.2012
"Sweet!!!!!! I can't wait to see how many you have in there!!!!!" -- BABYWEISS
"SO happy for you! I just new this round was gonna be the one! Congrats!" -- MOMMA-ROO
"OH MY GOD...I AM CRYING FOR YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I've been thinking about you all weekend =) Congratulations!!!" -- KJANDBABY
"Hahaha - no worries!!! I know how that auto-text goes!!! Thank you everyone, we are thrilled and just anxiously waiting for tomorrow's blood test! I am praying and praying for good news!" -- ANGIESEDMAK
I absolutely was dying to find out and was so anxious about knowing whether to expect good news this week or prepare for bad news, so I decided at 6:30 this morning to test and it was a very faint BFP!!!! I have been waiting almost 5 years to say that!!! I was shaking and crying, Ed was sobbing, and words can't even come close to describing how we are feeling right now! I'm very cautious still because I really want confirmation from the doctor before I tell my family and friends - so my babyfit friends are the first to know! Thank you to everyone for all of the support you have shown during this IVF process and during the whole TTC process! EEEKKK - I'm just sooooo excited I can't even contain myself! BFP BFP BFP BFP - sorry, I just had to write that a few times:)
3.3.2012
Member Comments About this Blog Entry
"I got chills when I read this news!!! My heart is so happy for you guys. Congratulations." -- DREAMER77
"I KNEW IT!!!! I knew this was IT!!! YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYA!!!!!
SO HAPPY FOR YOU!!! You deserve to relish every bit of your BFP!!!" -- MEAGAN_GETZ2
"OMG!!!!!! I started crying when I read this! I am so happy for your hun!!!! I knew knew in my heart this was going to be a wonderful month for you! HUGS and TONS OF STICKY BABY DUST!!!" -- KASONSMOMMA82
"so excited for you!!! CONGRATS!" -- MOMMA-ROO
"I cannot wait to hear more and am just thanking God you got a BFP. I am so excited to hear more!! Congratulations!!!" -- ANGE_AHMED
So, it has almost been a week (tomorrow will be a full week) since the transfer and time seems to be snailing by... It has literally been the longest week! I have very mixed emotions about next Wednesday and the official test.
1. As long as I don't test, then there is still a chance that I could be pregnant, and testing makes things very definite which is scary!
2. I'm so nervous about the outcome!
3. I thought I would feel a hunch about whether or not things were going well "en-utero" but I don't....I literally have no feelings either way..good or bad! UGH
4. I'm debating on testing before the actual blood test to prepare myself for the outcome on Wednesday - again, I'm terrified to do this - this is the only test (of my ENTIRE life) that I continually fail lol!
5. I feel really good which is fine but also scary...shouldn't I feel worse??? I don't know how soon to even expect to feel anything but other than mild cramping, I feel completely fine! EVERYONE asks me daily, "How are you feeling?" and my answer is "Fine" which is a bit unnerving for me.
6. In the end, only one of our embryos was good enough to freeze which makes me a little bit nervous because instead of having 4 we only have 1 new one:( I was hoping for extras to take the pressure off this round.
So, as you can see, I'm feeling a bit anxious to find out the results...it's a strange mix between not being able to wait and dying to know with fear and anxiety! I just keep praying and talking to those two little embryos and I continually try to bribe them to stick around for another 9 months or so:)
2.28.2012
"Checking in on you and am so glad that your transfer went well. Praying that one or both of those little embabies is settling in for the long haul. For what it's worth, I totally caved and did a HPT. I needed to brace myself for whatever the official results were and am glad I did because I got the phone call while doing some work with my boss's boss. Can't imagine having been able to keep my poker face in that scenario." -- EMG123
"So... do you think you can hold out on testing? Its such a mix of emotions." -- 80LUNA80
"I cannot even imagine the pressure and the stress you are going through! Am keeping you in my thoughts and am dying to hear some great news next week though!! Hugs, Jess" -- HC2007
"I know the feeling...been there done that. You can read my page. I have twin two and a half year old boys. If you have questions, please message me. I did test before the blood test, and it was a positive IMMEDIATELY. After all those months and months of getting a negative..I was overjoyed. The fact that you had more embryos to freeze is great news too. Praying you get good news soon. Shelley" -- BABYWEISS
This morning we went in to have two embryos transferred. My appointment was at 11 a.m. and we got right in there without having to wait at all. We got pictures of the embryos that would be transferred. We had a third one that was also good and they froze that one. We also had three suprizes...three more eggs fertilized yesterday. They weren't quite mature enough to fertilize right away, so they fertilized them yesterday and they are doing well. They will hopefully be strong enough to freeze tomorrow:) I'm super excited and go in on March 7th for my pregnancy test...WOOHOO!!!!
2.22.2012
Member Comments About this Blog Entry
"I'm praying for you and SO EXCITED" -- ANGE_AHMED
"Wow, I just read the news! First, congratulations on getting this grant and 6 good eggs! I hope at least one will stick for you!! I'm definitely praying for your and will be thinking about you March 7th!
"Thats Awesome!!!! I am so excited. I am so glad that there were 3 more eggs that were fertilized than what you originally had! I am keeping my fingers crossed and prayers your way for March 7th." -- KELLY42105
"Thats great! Good luck and fingers crossed you will have that BFP come March :)" -- MOMMA-ROO
"I have been following your blogs for a while now and I just wanted to wish you good luck and let you know that I'm praying for you!" -- KASONSMOMMA82
Today I got a call from the lab about the eggs that were retrieved yesterday. I was a bit disappointed because only 3 out of the 10 eggs fertilized. We did ICSI on all of the eggs (they carefully select a sperm and inject it into the egg) so we should have had a higher percentage of the eggs to work with. Although I am happy that we at least have 3 - I know some women get to this point and have none or only one to work with...but a part of me was a bit disappointed. I was hoping to have enough to freeze and be able to do a FET if this doesn't work, but hopefully we won't have to be worrying about that! Praying that Wednesday goes well and that the embryos are very very sticky!!!!
2.20.2012
Member Comments About this Blog Entry
"Yay good luck! sending you lots of sticky baby dust" -- MOMMA-ROO
"I pray for sticky little embryos too! I can glad that you have 3 at least but understand it would give you a bit more comfort with more. So on Wednesday you get them implanted and after that is waiting to see? Is that how it works? I hope this is it!" -- KELLY42105
I went in at 8:15 this morning for our egg retrieval. Everything went smoothly and I have 10 eggs which is exciting! I'm thrilled with 10 - I just hope that a lot of them fertilize. I should hear from the lab tomorrow- they'll tell me how many fertilized and give me an update - I like to call it "eggsitting" haha. I'm feeling OK - a lot less sore than the first time that I had IVF done. I'm actually moving around - I haven't even taken any pain medication. I'll post an update tomorrow!
2.19.2012
Member Comments About this Blog Entry
"Yeah!! Eagerly awaiting your good news lady!!" -- HC2007
"Oh I am so excited, I'm elated that everything has gone well and that you are felling ok. What an awesome dr you have to call the pharmacy and get the meds that you needed the other night. I pray this is it! I'm so excited I can hardly stand it. Take care of yourself and do post on how everything goes!! Cant wait to hear!" -- KELLY42105
"Angie im anxiously awaiting news!! Prayers are with you!" -- ANGE_AHMED
I was told yesterday that we are ready to trigger and was given precise directions on when/how to do the trigger shot so that my eggs would release at the right time on Sunday for the egg retrieval. I was supposed to give the shot at exactly 8:30 p.m. so at about 8:15 or so I started prepping for the shot. I started to ice my stomach and then opened the huge bag that is full of medicine. I found the actual needle that was the correct one for the HCG shot but absolutely could not find the medicine anywhere! I completely emptied the entire bag and went through each and every medication...not there. I tore apart my kitchen, living room, bedroom and fridge...not there. I searched high and low and absolutely had a nervous breakdown! I was sobbing and panicking!
Meanwhile, Ed called the answering service for them to page a doctor. We called every single 24 hr. pharmacy within 30 miles to see if we could find the medication anywhere and have the doctor call in an emergency prescription but nowhere stocked this medication. We had to call the answering service twice before a doctor finally called us back!
When the doctor called me back he reprimanded me for not checking to make sure that I had the medication earlier (there are so many different medications in there, that I have been taking it one day at a time to avoid that overwhelming feeling that I got the first time that I did IVF) and told me that there probably isn't anything that he can do. If I didn't get that shot, I might have to cancel our egg retrieval and start all over again because my eggs would be too mature if we waited an additional day! Talk about stress!
So the doctor that I talked to originally called my doctor. My doctor called me and told me that he was right around the corner from the pharmacy that I ordered my medication from (which was closed at the moment because it was late) and that he would call the owner of the pharmacy to see if he was able to get the medication for me. To make a very long story short (or at least not as long) my doctor was able to talk to the pharmacist and they were able to open up the pharmacy to get my medication so that I could take it. I didn't take it until about 10 p.m. but my surgery is still on for tomorrow - Thank God!!!
2.18.2012
Member Comments About this Blog Entry
"crazy! so glad it all worked out in the end, Hope your surgery is a success too" -- MOMMA-ROO
"That is completely crazy! But you're still on track- AMAZING!!! You're going to be the best momma lady! Best wishes!" -- HC2007
I had another appointment today - we now have 9-10 eggs that are almost ready and I'm thrilled! The other day, it looked like we might only have 4 that would be ready by the retrieval date but now we have more and I'm over the moon! I know that many women have 20 eggs at retrieval, but I am so happy with 9-10, especially after thinking I might only have 4!!!!
It looks like I will be ready to trigger tomorrow or maybe even Saturday and then the egg retrieval will be either Sunday or Monday! I can't wait!
2.16.2012
Member Comments About this Blog Entry
"Yay that's great news!" -- MOMMA-ROO
"Angie: 9-10 eggs is GREAT!!! I keep checking in to see how you are going, so exciting! All my fingers and toes are crossed here. Keep the updates coming..." -- SOMEBODYS_AUNTY
We are off to an OK start. The injections have been going smoothly. I take Menopur in the morning at 6am (which only stinks on the weekend when I don't have to be up quite that early but other than that, it is fine), Follistim at 6pm, and Lupron at 9pm. I had an ultrasound today that showed 4 follicles that are about the same size and are growing well...I'm hoping for a few more (at least 7 or so) but I guess all it takes is one good one!!! I'm not sure when the egg retrieval will be but I'm thinking probably Saturday or Sunday - so just around the corner! Praying right now for some extra follicles to grow and for a smooth retrieval process!
2.13.2012
Member Comments About this Blog Entry
"I'm praying for you, Angie!! I cannot wait to hear what happens and hope that you get some amazing news!!" -- ANGE_AHMED
"Thinking of you and keeping you in my prayers!" -- EMG123
"That is good! I am glad that you have 4 follicles, I dont know too much about this but I will keep my fingers crossed for 7 like you said. Dont you feel like a nurse having to make sure you take everything at a certain time? I felt that way when I had to take progresterone, estrogen, and clomid. Glad you are doing good with this. I cannot wait to hear more!!!" -- KELLY42105
I just heard back from the doctor and my hormone levels are good. Even though I still have a cyst, he said that it is ok to proceed since my levels are good! I'm thrilled! So, I start Menopur and Follistim tonight and we should be ready for the trigger shot in 8 days! Please pray for us while we go through this journey and we are praying for positive news at the end of this journey:)
2.7.2012
Member Comments About this Blog Entry
"Hi Angie! This is amazing news I am praying its your turn! Your way over due for this blessing!!! Hang in there and cant wait for a BFP!!!" -- MSISLES
"YAY!!!! I am so excited. I pray this is it! You are an inspiration for all that you have to do; all these injections and tests. Keep us posted! Stay strong Angie" -- KELLY42105
I had to take Provera to bring on AF because we essentially needed to "start over" on a fresh cycle. I took Provera for 7 days and then after stopping it (on Thursday), I got AF the very next day! I was really happy that it started the day after I stopped the medication because my doctor told me that it can take up to 2 weeks to get your period after finishing the medication and I would have died if I had to wait that long lol!
I have to go in tomorrow morning for an ultrasound and bloodwork and then if everything looks good and my hormone levels are where they want them to be, then I can start my next phase of medication which is exciting!
Just praying for good news tomorrow and excited to get this show on the road!
2.6.2012
Member Comments About this Blog Entry
"Thanks ladies:) The cyst is still there (this is the third week) so I'm just waiting to hear from the doctor after my bloodwork comes back to plan our next step....so discouraging!" -- ANGIESEDMAK
"Good Luck!" -- MOMMA-ROO
"WTG!! We are on the same boat here. I had to take Provera as well but I took 10 pills. And after taking my last pill, 2 days later AF arrived!! YAY!! I've had 3 hysteroscopics/metroplasty. so that threw my cycles off. Now I'll be getting my 2nd HSG this Monday. Hopefully everything goes well. And start on fertility treatments.!!!! I'm super excited :D Maybe we can become ttc buddies!" -- SARALEJO2011
I got a call from the doctor after today's ultrasound and bloodwork and I have to start taking Provera today to hopefully bring on a period. I guess that my Progesterone levels are too high and I still have a cyst, so I have to sort of "re-do" the cycle. UGH!!!! Once I get my period (which may take two weeks) then I have to go back in for another ultrasound and more bloodwork.
I hate having to put things on hold and really just want to get this whole process started. My happy/positive feelings are starting to fade a bit...I'm trying to hang in there. I know it isn't exactly bad news, but seriously - by the end of this whole process, I'll have been giving my shots FOREVER! I have to continue the Lupron injections with the Provera and I've already been giving myself the shots for a few weeks. I was really hoping for good news!
1.27.2012
Member Comments About this Blog Entry
"I'm sorry you have to wait....waiting and trying to be patient can be the worst. Try to hang in there, I told Ryan about your situation and he was so glad that you got the grant from the hospital to try another round. We keep you in our thoughts and prayers." -- KELLY42105
"Keeping you and Ed in my thoughts and prayers. Hoping that things get straightened away soon." -- EMG123
I went in for my baseline appointment on Friday and they said that I have a cyst so I wasn't able to start the stimulation meds just yet. I have to go back in on Friday to see if the cyst is gone, and hopefully they will give me the "go ahead" to start my next set of injections.
I was shocked that I had a cyst. I usually can tell - I get them every single time I do injections - but this time, it wasn't painful at all. So for now we just continue on the first medicine (Lupron) and wait for the green light to go ahead!
I'm also doing acupuncture and have been since January 3rd. I go in once a week for a treatment and it has been very relaxing and nice! I'm enjoying it and am hoping that it helps us during the entire IVF process!
So we are looking at the week of February 6th for the egg retreival and transfer as long as everything goes well at my appointment on Friday.
1.25.2012
Member Comments About this Blog Entry
"I hope the cyst goes away quickly. I am rooting for you!" -- 80LUNA80
"So so glad to hear that you are doing accupuncture. Also glad to hear that the cyst wasn't painful. I cannot wait to hear that you are pregnant...!! Prayers and thoughts are with you!!" -- MEAGAN_GETZ2
"I hope come Friday you are cyst free. Good luck!" -- MOMMA-ROO
"I hope you get some good news on Friday and that everything goes well! I will keep my fingers AND toes crossed for you! :)" -- PIXIEJW
"Hope you get some good news on Friday!! Go away Cyst!!!" -- DREAMER77
I'm so excited to start the IVF process again! The first time that we did IVF, I was terrified! I was afraid that I wasn't strong enough to handle that type of procedure - I was afraid of finding out that it didn't work. I was also still really having a hard time with the adoption falling through....I was not in a good place!
This time feels completely different! First of all, I feel great - I have my positive spirit back and my smile doesn't leave my face on most days. I am very optimistic after talking to the doctors. I just feel ready! I'm ready for this adventure and I know what to expect...I also know that I'm strong enough to handle it because I've already done it!
I start Lupron injections on Sunday, Jan. 8th and go in to the clinic for a baseline ultrasound on Jan 20th. The doctor predicts that we will be ready for the egg retreival at the end of the month which is so exciting!
Thank you so much for all of the support and love you have shown to me! I love sharing news (good or bad) with my babyfit friends because I know you understand and will show support when I need it most!
1.5.2012
Member Comments About this Blog Entry
"Thank you so much ladies! I started Lupron yesterday....Instead of looking at the mound of needles and meds. and dreading the upcoming days, I've decided to look at it daily as one less shot that I'll have to take and one day closer to the procedure! Not particularly looking forward to the Progesterone oil shots...but they are definitely worth it if it works!!!!!" -- ANGIESEDMAK
"I am so excited that you got the grant, that you are starting the process and wish you tons of luck and baby dust that 2012 will be a fantastic year for you!!" -- PIXIEJW
"Way to be positive! I will be following you through this journey, and I wish you all the best along the way." -- DREAMER77
"God bless and Good Luck!! So exciting!!" -- ANGE_AHMED
"Thumbs up! Keep us posted! Buckets of the baby dust!" -- HC2007
Well, today I started spotting, which means my cycle is starting! I never thought I would be excited to get AF, but this means that we are going to start meds this cycle for our next round of IVF. I am so optimistic and positive right now - I'm in a MUCH better place emotionally than I was the first time we did IVF (just months after the adoption fell through). I also know that I have already done this, so I can do it again. I know that I'm strong enough for the IVF process and I know exactly what to expect which makes it much easier to give it another try. I'm praying for an amazing and blessed 2012!
12.29.2011
Member Comments About this Blog Entry
"Sending you loads of babydust!!! All the best in 2012!" -- DREAMER77
"Sending you loads of babydust!!! All the best in 2012!" -- DREAMER77
"Yay that's so exciting! Stay positive :)" -- MOMMA-ROO
"Just checking in on you and saw the awesom news. I'm so very excited and will be keeping you in my prayers!" -- EMG123
"Praying for you Angie, I really am. I cannot wait for your updates. God bless!" -- ANGE_AHMED
I got the most amazing phone call today - first it was the nurse from the hospital telling me that she received my application for the free round of IVF through a grant program. She told me that I would hear back within 2 weeks from the doctor to let us know if we got the grant or not. Well, about 2 hours later (at 5:00) the doctor called to let us know that we had been chosen to receive the grant money and we will start IVF on our next cycle!!! I'm beyond excited! I cried on the phone with the doctor and still can't believe it! That is a $10,000 gift! We will start in January with the Lupron and then will go from there:) I am ecstatic! My husband even cried when I called him to share the amazing news! Thank you to all of you out there who are thinking of us and have been praying for us! Please continue to keep us in your thoughts as we embark on this next round of IVF and start off the new year with this new journey!
12.12.2011
Our doctor recommended us for a grant that would give us a free round of IVF. We originally applied in August after finding out that our frozen embryo wouldn't work. We were supposed to hear back on the grant within 6 weeks, but after waiting 7 weeks, I hadn't heard anything from the hospital. I called them and found out that they lost our application or that it never arrived.
They sent me another application, which I filled out immediately and sent back in the following day. I called 4 days later to make sure that they received the application and had everything that they needed. They confirmed that my application had arrived and had requested my files from my doctor (a good sign that they were considering us!). About 5 weeks later, I got the call that they had LOST our application AGAIN! The nurse was very apologetic and explained that they were in the process of settling into a new office and that our application had been misplaced.
So, I just sent in our THIRD application today and am hoping that they will process it quickly! When I say that nothing goes well for us during this whole TTC process, I mean it lol! So now we are just waiting to hear back to see if they chose us to give a free round of IVF to and we are praying that we are given that amazing opportunity! It literally brings me to tears to think about the generosity of the person donating money to the hospital for this particular cause. What an incredible gift - the gift of hope. At this point, the gift of hope is the single greatest gift we could receive! We have no more money in savings after all of the treatments we have been through and the failed adoption. This opportunity would be a miracle for us, especially if it works!!! Please keep us in your prayers!
12.9.2011
Member Comments About this Blog Entry
"Praying that you get the grant!! You and your DH soooo deserve this opportunity. I am hoping and praying that you have an amazing 2012! :)" -- DREAMER77
Throughout this process of TTC and dealing with infertility I have felt so many different emotions. From excitement and hope to devastation and emptiness. I have actually been in a pretty good place emotionally these past few weeks. I have tried to focus on being thankful for what I do have rather than longing for a child. I have really looked at my marriage and have been so overwhelmed with love and appreciation for my husband. He is just amazing and God has blessed us beyond understanding with a marriage that is just beautiful!
The Sunday after Thanksgiving is typically my favorite day of the year - decorating for Christmas! I put on Christmas music and we get our home ready for the holidays. Everything was going wonderfully until Ed and I unwrapped a tiny ornament carefully wrapped in newspaper. The ornament said "Gavin" on it - we had bought it last year after Christmas and had stored it in with our ornaments for this year. We both immediately started to cry. It was such a sad reminder of all that we lost this year and all of the trials that we have gone through since the adoption fell through. It has been the hardest year of my life. I'm glad that 2011 is almost over and that we can start a new year soon. I had thought that 2011 would be the best year of our lives (celebrating our 5 year anniversary, adopting Gavin, my brother was opening a restaurant, my sister was getting married) but it ended up being full of pain, disappointment, heartache, and grief. Thankfully we had the wedding and everything else to help distract us from everything that was happening with the adoption and IVF.
So, here I am today trying to focus my energy and thoughts back to being grateful and thankful for the blessings that I do have and trying to push aside the negative feelings that have creeped back into my mind.
11.28.2011
Member Comments About this Blog Entry
"I think of you guys often. Your story really brings tears to my eyes. That is heartbreaking. I know there aren't any words to make you feel better... I know that but still want to say that there is a little angel somewhere just waiting to be yours when the time is right. I'm sorry for what you've gone through and will continue to pray for you.
"I can't even imagine the emotions you have gone through... I just wanted to let you know that I still pray for you often. I just know the perfect LO is already in God's plan for you. He's just waiting for His perfect moment to present this gift to you." -- MRS.FREEMAN07
So, we went to the doctor again today to talk to him about what our next steps would be if we should decide to try IVF again. He was very optimistic and had some new ideas for us. One of them is to have ED be on Clomid for the next few months to see if it increases sperm motility, quality, and volume....I have NEVER heard of this but we will try just about anything right now!!!! Hopefully if we can help the male factor issues, our chances of a successful round of IVF will greatly increase! We won't do another round without a change in protocol because we can't afford to spend all of that money on something that isn't going to work. He also wants me to try a different type of medication to boost the number of eggs we can get. I only produced 6 mature eggs which was a lot less than normal 29 year olds produce. For now, we are still waiting to make our final decision on whether to invest in adoption or IVF - I hate these difficult decisions!
11.15.2011
Member Comments About this Blog Entry
"glad your Dr was optimistic and has given you some new options to help. And Clomid for men...who knew?!" -- MOMMA-ROO
"Wow. I have never heard of that either! That is great that you can try this new approach, I hope that is just what you need for this to work. Sometimes a change does the trick, I really hope and pray for you!" -- KELLY42105
"Maca is great for male fertility. Soy isoflavones are what I did this cycle and got a bfp.
Fingers crossed for you angie." -- 80LUNA80
"Praying for u, Angie.. My heart jumps every time I get a notification that u've posted a new journal.. I really hope all goes well no matter what ur decision will be.. Best of luck.. Hugs & kisses :*" -- -DIMA-
"I meant a treatment for MEN not me...of course it is for me...LOL" -- MEAGAN_GETZ2
I feel like all we do is wait. After 4 1/2 years of waiting for a BFP, we are now waiting until we can figure out what our next step will be. We have been researching adoption agencies but they are all so expensive - we will most likely need at least $16,000 dollars to procede with an adoption unless we can find our own birthmom. We will need about $10,000 dollars to give IVF another try - and it might as well be a million dollars, because we just don't have it at this point. So, now we wait and save. It will probably be a while until we have a next step or a plan which is a bit frustrating. Keep us in your prayers!
10.24.2011
"You're always in my prayers. A babyfit mom has a signature that says "life is hard, but God is good". I believe it and I hope you do too. There is a LO waiting to be part of your lives." -- ANGE_AHMED
"Oh Angie, I wish there was something I could do or say. It makes me so mad that they make things so expensive. They make it so hard for people who would make great parents to actually get to become them! I'll never understand that. I wish there was something I could do. Sending lots of hugs your way!" -- KELLY42105
"Thank you ladies! It has been a rough 6 months!" -- ANGIESEDMAK
"Angie, I am so so sorry. It really has been a very long time for you. My heart aches for you. IVF is so expensive. I wish I had a crystal ball that actually worked. Prayers for you to somehow find bits of solace throughout the pain.
So, I had a follow up appointment today with my doctor about transferring the frozen embryo that we had left over after IVF this summer. I did not really want to transfer it just yet but I wanted to talk to my doc. about it before making any final decisions. The decision won't have to be made because our embryo isn't "good enough" to transfer. I guess it has to do with the chromosomes, but whatever the reason, we can't transfer it. So, now he suggests doing another whole IVF cycle which we can't afford. I feel very defeated right now!
8.30.2011
Member Comments About this Blog Entry
"Aww so sorry Angie! I hope that somehow you will be blessed, you definitely deserve it for all you have been through." -- MS.GIGI
"Angie, I'm so sorry to hear that. My thoughts and prayers remain with you guys. It really breaks my heart. There must be something great coming your way after all you've been through. Stay strong xo" -- ANGE_AHMED
"This makes me cry for you! I'm so sorry, Angie! I can only imagine how insanely painful this is for you! *hugs*" -- KJANDBABY
"So sorry to hear that, Angie.. I was really hoping to read some good news.. U'r in my prayers.. Hugs :*" -- -DIMA-
"Oh Angie, I am so sorry to hear that you cannot use the egg. Dont you just wonder why....why....why is this happening...grrr. Sometimes you just want to scream! I hate how they make it so expensive for those who are trying so hard to have babies. Keep me posted. ((((many more hugs & prayers))))" -- KELLY42105
So, the nurse finally called and I'm not pregnant:( I'm heartbroken!
7.14.2011
Member Comments About this Blog Entry
"Oh Angie I'm so sorry to hear that. I do know of someone else who had the same thing happen only to have the one frozen embryo work the second time around.
"Oh my goodness...... you are stronger than you know Angie. (((HUGS)))" -- 80LUNA80
"Oh Angie. I'm so very sorry that your IVF round didn't work. Sending you bigs hugs and keeping you, Ed and your little frostie in my prayers. I know that you'll get your family some day and it will all have been worth it. ((HUGS))" -- EMG123
"I'm so sorry to hear that! On the positive side you have the option to do another round! One of my closest friends had her twin boys on her 2nd IVF try....it doesn't always work the first time that's why they let you try again! You much rather wait to have the strongest of embryos take! If at all possible I'd go back into another cycle...I've had several ppl tell me its easiest when all your hormones are already running high! I'm sure your tired of hearing hang in there! Sometimes hope is all yo..." -- MSISLES
I went in at 8:00 this morning for my blood pregnancy test. The very happy and helpful woman that was so excited to be drawing my blood at 8 in the morning informed me that she had a lot to do that day and the results might not be in until tomorrow. EEK!!! Tomorrow!!!! She was so rude about it also - I told her that I needed to know the results so that I could adjust my medicine or go off of it completely and she said that it was going to be a busy day and I would have to wait! So, the waiting game continues! Hopefully the results will be in by the end of the day (4:30) and if not, I have to wait yet ANOTHER day!
7.14.2011
Member Comments About this Blog Entry
"Ugh! Hang in there I know how your feeling. That day I was physically sick. Did you take an at home test? I ended up taking an at home test just to settle me! Can't wait to hear!" -- MSISLES
"I feel like I could explode right now!!!! I'm so nervous - my hands haven't stopped shaking!" -- ANGIESEDMAK
"Yay Good Luck! Hopefully you get your results back today :o)" -- MOMMA-ROO
"OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am so excited and anxious. I can only imagine how you feell!!!
Have you been feeling ok?" -- 80LUNA80
"Boo! And for her to be rude about it too is terrible. Hoping you get the results today." -- EMG123
We had 3 great looking embryos as of Tuesday (the day after the retrieval). They retrieved 9, 6 of them were mature enough to inseminate. Of the 6, only 3 took - two of them on the day of transfer were 8 cells, and one (I'm convinced takes after me!) was 10 cells! The transfer was pretty easy and very neat! They even gave me pictures of the embryos that they implanted - INCREDIBLE!!! So, for now we continue the Progesterone shots (in the back!!!!), and these estridol patches and we wait! We will go in for a blood pregnancy test on the 14th, but for now I feel great - actually no different really than I usually feel. My bbs are sore and swollen and I have some swelling in my stomach (to be expected) but other than that, I feel wonderful:)
7.3.2011
Member Comments About this Blog Entry
"good luck praying for sticky babys hoping you get boy and girl" -- PROBABLETOOLD
"I am in the same boat as you! Only we transfered Sunday.... Good Luck! : )" -- CHRISTYHONEA
"Thank you everyone! We are both excited and very nervous to find out the results next week!!! I can't wait to fill everyone in!" -- ANGIESEDMAK
"OMG that's so exciting can not wait to hear" -- CHARLIEAA
"WHHOO HOOO, I am so excited to hear how its all finally panning out for you. Don't obsess like I know you want to. I had little tugs in my belly the closer it got to the bfp and convinced myself I just needed to go #2 haha. But I am praying for you and you may need a bigger nursey if you get all 3 babies! Happened to my friend you know!!!!" -- JAYSGRL
This morning was our egg retrieval. I went into the hospital at 6:30 this morning to get hooked up to an IV and get things started. At about 8:30, the doctor came in and told me that it was time to get started! I followed a nurse into the OR and put on my little blue sock covers and a hair cover. The last thing I remember is laying down on the operating table and them telling me to scoot down a little bit. I woke up back in my room with my family there. I guess I had been asking repeatedly "How many eggs did you get? Were they good?" hahaha - the nurse actually wrote the number on my hand so that I wouldn't make my family crazy:) haha - so....I got 9 eggs which is GREAT! I should know more tomorrow about how they are doing and when they will be implanting (probably Thursday). I don't remember anything from the procedure or just after it, I guess I was asking for pretty funny things like, "Ed, can you take this stupid hat off my head?" and "I could REALLY go for some Aribica (which is a coffee house by our house)" haha. But other than being very sore and having some spotting, I feel OK. I haven't needed anything stronger than tylenol for the pain. So, all in all, everything went well!
6.27.2011
Member Comments About this Blog Entry
"I am so glad that you have gotten this far in the process. I'm keeping everything crossed for you. It is so hard, waiting and praying they implant. I have a good feeling for you though. My odds were terrible especially with only 2 eggs retrieved to begin with and I'm now finishing up my 11th week!" -- IAM42MOM2B
"I'm so excited for you. I have been rooting for you for so long. You have a great spirit and will make a great mom when the time comes. I have a good feeling about this. Good luck tomorrow !!" -- 80LUNA80
"We officially have 3 good fertilized eggs. We are implanting 2 and freezing 1. We go in tomorrow at 1:00 for the implantation. So, we are both very excited and can't wait!!!" -- ANGIESEDMAK
"Hopefully the other two catch up but remember it's quality not quantity that matters most!" -- EMG123
Well, after a little set back because of a cyst that formed in my right ovary, we are back on track again. I have been on Follistim for three days now and am feeling pretty good (I personally hated Clomid's side effects more than any of the injections!!!!). Our egg retrieval is scheduled for one week from today - Monday the 27th:) and the implantation will happen 3-5 days after that! I'm excited to get this whole process completed and behind me! Please continue to keep us in your prayers! It has been quite an emotional journey!
6.20.2011
Member Comments About this Blog Entry
"Angie--you have such a beautiful spirit. After reading your blogs, I feel so connected to you and hope and pray that this is your time! You're going to be a great mom! xoxo" -- MEAGAN_GETZ2
"Praying for u, Angie.. All the best.. Kisses :*" -- -DIMA-
I started the injections of Lupron over a week ago and so far I'm feeling great. I have had some tenderness and swelling in my lower stomach but that is to be expected. The injections aren't bad (but it is the progesterone oil injections that worry me). I have an ultrasound and blood work scheduled for Friday the 10th at 7 am to see how things are going! I'm hoping that all looks well and that we will be doing our procedures in two weeks!!!!
6.7.2011
Member Comments About this Blog Entry
"How are you doing on the pro..... It was rough the first few times but now I am good! I was SOOOOOO worried about that shot too!" -- CHRISTYHONEA
"Well...I had my first ultrasound today and it showed a large cyst on my right ovary. I have to stay on Lupron (my first medicine) until it goes away so things are on hold for a little while...UGH! So, things are pushed back for a minimum of one week - hopefully the cyst will be gone by my next appointment on Friday." -- ANGIESEDMAK
"How exciting, good to hear things are progressing" -- CHARLIEAA
"Yay..how exciting!" -- MOMMA-ROO
"Glad to hear stage 1 is underway and going better than you'd anticipated. The next couple of weeks will fly by. Keeping you and Ed in my prayers!" -- EMG123
We had our nurse's training yesterday to find out how to administer the medications. It was very overwhelming at first but the nurse was SO nice! She really talked us through everything slowly and I feel a little bit more confident now. I know that this will be a phase and hopefully will be well worth it! Just praying for a miracle at this point!!!!
We will start the injections on Sunday the 29th and will tentatively have the egg retreival June 20th - 22nd and the implantation a few days later. We should know if it worked somewhere between July 6th - 8th. July 8th is Ed's birthday and that would be the BEST present ever! My little brother's birthday is the 6th so hopefully we will be celebrating that week!!!
5.24.2011
Member Comments About this Blog Entry
"That is great! I am glad things are going good! I hope you will be able to celebrate a BFP soon! Cant wait to hear!" -- KELLY42105
"this is great news!!!! I hope everything is going well! you will do great! remember when you do want to cry....go ahead and do its so! its totally a natural feeling! I wish you the best and cant wait to hear the results!!" -- MSISLES
"Awesome! I'm so glad everything is heading in the right direction and the wheels are turning. You're still in my prayers!" -- KELARU
"I'm so excited for you! Thoughts and prayers are with you! Best of luck!" -- ANGE_AHMED
"I just finished my first round of IVF. I did the injections, they were not too tough at all and I had no side effects either. I am 42 years old and had only 2 eggs after the retrieval. We ended up with 2 viable embroyos and had them transfered back. The 2 week wait until I could take my pregnancy test was excruciating, the odds stacked against me. But Good news, I'm expecting! So again with waiting until my first Ultra sound on the 9th of June to make sure all is going well and to confirm ..." -- IAM42MOM2B
Well - after a glitch (hopefully it is just a glitch) in our financing for IVF, it looks like everything is a "go" for starting IVF this cycle. I will start BC on Sunday and then go in for my nurses training on the 23rd to learn how to take all of my medicines. I will most likely start injections that same week or the beginning of the following week depending on how everything looks. It looks like we will be doing the egg retreival and implantation mid-June at this point so all should be said and done by July. Please keep us in your prayers as we embark on this journey!
5.13.2011
"The time will fly by! Do you know yet what medications they are going to have you on for stimulation? Thinking of you and keeping you in my prayers." -- EMG123
I have found that it is hard to put into words all that I have been feeling lately and there are very few people out there who could possibly understand because we have been through so much that most people have never experienced. After four years of unexplained infertility and two failed adoptions, my heart is broken into so many different little pieces right now. I usually pride myself on being upbeat, positive, and ready for the next step - whatever that has been and now I'm terrified! I am terrified of IVF - I'm not even sure why I'm so worried - I don't know if it is the cost, the procedure itself, or if it is the fact that this is literally our last effort before we have officially tried everything. I don't know how much more heartache I can take, I don't know how many more disappointments I can handle - I am just so ready to be a mom! Our home is baby ready - we literally have EVERYTHING after the last failed adoption, a crib is up in our spare room along with a beautiful rocking chair. I feel like a mom without a baby if that makes any sense! I just really need prayers for strength as I embark on this next step and the ability to handle the outcome if it doesn't work. I am so very appreciative of my babyfit friends who know everything we have gone through and understand!
4.22.2011
Member Comments About this Blog Entry
"Angie--I don't know you except for our interactions on babyfit over the last few years, but I truly feel that you will be a wonderful mother one of these days (and hopefully soon)! My heart breaks for you and all that you've been through. Each time I read your entries, you remind me so much of one of my best friends. She has endured 10 years of unexplained infertility, 5 failed adoptions (one at the last minute just like yours), and now she's considering IUI or IVF for a child. She and her D..." -- DREAMER77
"Thank you so much...we are so looking forward to that day!!!!" -- ANGIESEDMAK
"I cannot ait for the day you have an LO in your arms. You are clerly a mother without a child and I have so much faith that you will be blessed with a little one soon. Don't give up, and please do not lose faith." -- ANGE_AHMED
"Sending you hugs and as always lots of prayers!! I understand what you mean, that is a good way to describe it...a mom without a baby! After loosing two little ones, I feel the same way! I'm sorry for all that you have had to go through. Praying for a brighter future for you soon!!" -- KELLY42105
"I totally understand how you feel. Although we experienced different disappointments in our fertility journey I can relate. IVF was the key for us. After miscarriage, failed iui's, health issues, insurance issues, etc. As it gets closer my experience was less scared more ready to take it on. Dont be affraid to cry or scream or whatever emotion you may have, its normal. Honestly, its not easy but IVF brings hope and sometimes hope is what keeps you going! My husband and I found out how much we re..." -- MSISLES
We are going to give IVF a try with the extra adoption money that we had set aside and ended up not needing. We are going to start the process in May and have the egg retreival and implantation in June. I think that by then, we will be officially ready for this next step! I'm feeling excited but also very terrified! It is an overwhelming process when I look at all of the paperwork, medicines, etc. I just can't wait for this journey to be over and to finally have a little miracle of my own!
3.29.2011
Member Comments About this Blog Entry
"Good luck, Angie. You don't deserve all this bad stuff happening to you. " -- AUREANGEL
"I've been following your story and am so sad for your loss. My prayers are with you and best of luck with IVF. You as so kind and loving and truly deserve to be a mother. It will be one lucky baby!" -- MRSJAX
"I am so sorry for everything you have had to go through but IVF is great and worked for us! I hope it also works for us and you get that sweet little baby you very much deserve and want. I'm here for you if you ever want to talk!!" -- PIXIEJW
"So glad to see that you're making plans for the next step. My experience with IVF was a great one. We did a long protocol which included some suppression and then stimulation. Because I responded well to the injectibles during our IUIs they knew that I'd only need a low dose of stims for IVF. In total we were able to get 10 eggs, 9 fertilized and all of them were still growing at day 5. One wasn't quite good enough to bother freezing but we transfered 2 and have another 6 frozen. I was exp..." -- EMG123
"Yay this is soo exciting! You will do great! It is sooo worth it!" -- MSISLES
I have realized that picking up the pieces to a broken heart is not easy. The adoption did fall through and the baby was born a week ago. We are just devastated - we literally had everything ready for him - his hospital bags were packed, his room was ready, his clothes were washed - so our home is now baby ready without a baby! We are feeling frustrated, hurt, and just sad! But right now, we are just trying to pick up the pieces from this whole mess, we have officially put all of the baby things into storage, packed all of the (very adorable) clothes into bins to put into the basement, we have given away what we can't keep for long periods of time (opened containers of diapers, opened wipes, etc.) and are trying to move past this nightmare!
3.28.2011
Member Comments About this Blog Entry
"I am so sorry about all this, my thoughts and prayers are with you. I cannot imagine what you are going through and I pray things get better soon." -- ANGE_AHMED
Well, this has been the worst week of my life! The father of the baby that is due to arrive any day now hired a lawyer and is fighting for custody! The birth mother is so upset and has decided to keep the baby so that the father can't get custody! The father up until a few weeks ago, was homeless, jobless, carless, etc. and has a huge criminal record. We are beyond heart broken, devastated, beyond upset! We have everything ready for him, the nursery was finished, our hospital bags were packed - I just can't believe this is happening. The birth mother feels awful and we were going to try to fight it, but our adoption agency has backed out of the adoption as well because they don't handle legal situations and fights. They told me today that at this point, the birth mom needs to be prepared to parent the baby and we need to be prepared to move on...... So, I cleaned out the baby room - it literally makes me sick to my stomach to see all of his things, and we put it all into the basement. It would take a miracle at this point for the adoption to happen and go through and the baby is due in one week!!!!!
3.13.2011
"Angie--My heart goes out to you and your DH. I hope that something great will happen for you guys real soon! Know that our thoughts and prayers are with you!
"I am sitting here reading this in pure shock... disbelief... I just can't believe that something like this would happen. I know you hear of it happening, but for it to actually happen, and to YOU! Of all people! I just have a hard time wrapping my brain around God's plan for you and your husband's lives. I know there is a greater plan, but to even try to fathom what that is right now is impossible for me, so I can't even imagine what you are thinking and feeling and experiencing right now. Pleas..." -- MRS.FREEMAN07
"Thank you for all of your supportive words - I feel like there is a huge pit in my stomach right now. I just found out that they are inducing her on Saturday, and for some reason it made all of this seem real - this baby is coming and everything is still a mess!!!! We really need some strong prayers at this point to get us through this weekend...." -- ANGIESEDMAK
"Angie, I am so terribly sorry, I cant even put into words how heartbroken I am for you. Reading this has brought me to tears, I cant even imagine what you and your hubby are going through right now! I will keep praying for you guys and I hope a miracle happens for you with this adoption. Again I am so very sorry hun!" -- KELLY42105
I can't even believe that Gavin will be here is about 6 weeks! We have a baby shower next weekend and it is all just so surreal! I can't wait to hold him and bring him home - I think it will really feel real then! We have started getting his room ready - it is painted (very neutral - beige with a cream stripe) and the crib has been ordered. The glider is in, but we just need to go pick it up:) Things are really starting to come together! I am just soooo excited to get everything set for his arrival and start the next "parenting phase" of our lives! March 20th is just around the corner..... :)
2.5.2011
Member Comments About this Blog Entry
"YAY! I am so excited for you and your hubby, you both will be great parents. I am so glad that this journey has brought you to this point and I just pray these next couple of weeks go by fast for you!" -- KELLY42105
"Woohoo!!! I am so happy that your dream of being a mother is sooooo close!!! Can't wait to see pics of the new little guy. :)" -- DREAMER77
"That's great news! Can't wait to hear all about him once you bring him home. Best wishes!" -- SOMEBODYS_AUNTY
"That's so exciting. I can't wait until that lucky little guy is in your arms." -- EMG123
"Wow, 6 weeks! I'm so excited for you! I can't wait to see pics of your little boy!" -- KELARU
Things are going amazingly well and so smoothly with baby Gavin. We have been to several appointments now with Vanessa and have heard his heart beat, seen his ultrasounds, we've even been on the hospital tour with her to see where he will be born! The due date is officially March 20, 2011 and we are beyond excited to meet our little miracle! This little boy is already so wanted and loved and I can't wait to hold him in my arms and know it is all real and not a dream:) He is healthy and so is his birth mom and everything looks fantastic so far! I know that there may be hurdles and bumps in the road, but so far we have been so blessed and things couldn't be better!!!!
12.8.2010
Member Comments About this Blog Entry
"how exciting! I pray everything goes well with the labor, delivery and, adoption. I wish more mother's who aren't as able to care for their babies would give adoption more consideration. What an amazing gift." -- BRIGHTFAIR
"That's awesome Angie!! So excited for you guys!!" -- PIXIEJW
"I'm so happy for you and your DH!! Little Gavin will be here before you know it, and I can't wait to hear all of your updates on the little guy!" -- DREAMER77
"Oh my gosh! I am so beyond excited for you! If there are 2 people in this world who deserve this, it's you 2! You are going to be an incredible mother! I can't wait to see pictures of precious baby Gavin!!!" -- MRS.FREEMAN07
Well, it has been a long scary journey - but here is the basic story about our little one:
In August I was contacted by a potential birth mom - it was the day after we found out that our original adoption was a complete mess and wouldn't be happening. The mom had just found out that she was pregnant and was beyond emotional and upset. She is sort of family - she is my cousin's wife's sister if that makes any sense! She is a wonderful person in a terrible situation and we have kept in touch throughout the pregnancy but up until a couple of weeks ago, she never really talked about the adoption as being a certain thing! It was always an "if". She met with us a few weeks ago and said that she was ready to commit to giving the baby to us for sure. We went with her to her 20 week ultrasound on Friday and it is a BOY:) She talked to the doctor about us adopting the baby and gave me the ultrasound pictures. She has let her church and family know and it seems like this really might happen - I'm still cautious but very hopeful! The baby is due the day after my birthday - March 25th so it is just around the corner:) Keep us all in your prayers!!!
11.8.2010
Member Comments About this Blog Entry
"Angie, I just read this. Congrats! That is great News!!! I will pray that everything works out and that you have that baby in your arms in March! :o)" -- AEJONES
"awww perfect! I hope everything goes through for you guys! maybe you will have your oops! baby along the way : ) hope all is well!" -- MSISLES
"I'm so happy for you. I will continue to pray for you and your hubby and will also offer the birth mother up in my prayers, that this is a smooth transition for all of you. Praying that this will work out!
"Congrats on the little boy. I'm praying that everything out for you. You really deserve it. :) Keep us updated." -- AUREANGEL
"Angie--This is fantastic news!!! Praying that all works out well, and that you will be celebrating a very special Mother's Day in 2011! :)" -- DREAMER77
So, now I am completely freaked out by the whole IVF thing - after talking with the doctor, I am very nervous about everything! It is such a scary and overwhelming procedure - not to mention being crazy expensive!!! UGH! I just wish this was easier and would happen naturally!!!! If all goes according to plan and our finances are in a good place, we will be doing IVF either at the end of spring or beginning of summer!!! I am still quite apprehensive about things, but I am sure that in time I will feel more confident and excited about the process! It is just a very invasive and complicated process....but if it does work, then it will be so worth all of it!
9.28.2010
Member Comments About this Blog Entry
"Angie--Best of luck! I've had friends that have gone the IVF route and others that have adopted! Either way, I am so excited about you becoming a MOMMY!! :)" -- DREAMER77
"Hi Angie, Apart from the expense of IVF, once you are actually doing it I think you'll find its not that bad or too daunting. I found the staff really good at just getting me through it one step at a time. It is overwhelming if you try to get your head around the whole process at once because there is so much involved, but if you just focus on the different stages you'll be ok and you have us for support/questions/venting :)
I am supposed to be starting my injections next week but DH has g..." -- SOMEBODYS_AUNTY
"It is really a lot to handle! Did you check into financial options? The clinic we are at does a "shared help" and you fill out an application for a discounted rate. Even though we dont make tons of $$ we were only qualified for a 5% discount....but anything helps! There is also medicine companies that allow you to apply for discounted meds. The income level cut off we have run into is 100,000 so maybe if your able to apply you could look into it! Did you meet with their financial advisor? If not..." -- MSISLES
So, after everything with the adoption, my hubby and I have decided to visit a doctor and talk about IVF - I just want to get all of the facts and options before moving any further into the adoption process. In order to move forward with the adoption process, we need to pay thousands of dollars which will not be refundable if we end up getting pregnant on our own. I just want to make sure that we at least get the information on IVF before going that route. I was starting to have a little bit of anxiety with our last possible "adoption" because of the prenatal care and a feeling of being completely out of control of the situation. Our appointment is next Monday (the 27th) so hopefully we will have more information then and can make a good decision as to what to do next. This doctor is highly recommended and from all of the research I have conducted, is one of the best in his field. Hopefully he can give us some information that will either lead us to make the tough decision to go through the IVF process or go back to the adoption route. Keep us in your prayers though all of this!!! I would love some piece of mind about the choice that we have to make!
9.19.2010
Member Comments About this Blog Entry
"Hope everything goes well. In the end, when you hold your little one in your arms, it will all be worth it. Good luck." -- AUREANGEL
"Good luck! thoughts and prayers are with you! We found ourselves in the same situation. We did not get as far with the adoption process as you did. Obviously decided IVF was the best option for us at this point! I pray you will find some answers and go in the direction that is best for you! Im sure you have done your homework : ) Just write down every question you come up with so you can ask them. I hope he is as great as our dr, who even monitored me while she was on bedrest with twins via IVF!..." -- MSISLES
"Good luck with your appointment Angie! Looking forward to hearing how it goes. I saw my fertility nurses this week and now my next IVF all going well has been moved forward to the first week of November (instead of the last) so I'll be starting injections in two weeks time!" -- SOMEBODYS_AUNTY
I was informed today that the "birth mom" that we were going through for the adoption lied about ever being pregnant. I don't even know what to think, I don't know how to wrap my mind around this, I don't even know how to react! I am beyond upset, disgusted that someone would EVER lie about something of this magnitude! She most likely wanted money from us and since I already watch her children, she wanted me to watch them more often for free so that she could "rest" because she is "pregnant"!!!! After everything, I never thought that this would be the outcome! It is really hard to even think about right now! I'm devastated!
8.5.2010
Member Comments About this Blog Entry
"I am so sorry! This just shows you how horrible some people can really be. If you ever want to talk about IVF, I can share info with you. I kept a journal of the whole process, what happened and how I felt so that I could share with others. I hope you are doing well!" -- PIXIEJW
"I can't believe that someone would do such a thing!!!! How aweful. I can't even imagine what you are going through right now. I'm praying for you guys and while I know God has a plan, it is times like this that I really wish that He would explain it to us ahead of time." -- JANETSMK
"Sooo.... have you given thought to other adoption options?" -- 80LUNA80
"My heart breaks for you! Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers." -- DREAMER77
Well, we have the pregnancy test - she brought it over so that I could have it for my records. We found an adoption attorney that will do it for us at 1/4 of the normal cost because he is friends with my husband's mom!!!! So that is SUPER exciting:) The baby is due January 28 as of right now - she hasn't been to the doctors yet. She has invited me to the appointment so I can't wait for that! She hasn't scheduled it yet - but should be doing that this week (hopefully). So, things have been going well and I'm so excited to meet our little one!
6.19.2010
Member Comments About this Blog Entry
"How exciting to be a part of the process from beginning to end! :) Good luck at the Dr's and again, Congrats to you and you Hubby! :)" -- JTN2009
"Eveything seems to be looking up for you!! I'm soooo excited for you and your DH!!!" -- DREAMER77
"So happy for u, Angie.. Hope all goes well with the doctor's appt.. I'm sure u can't be more excited.. Will be praying for "all" of u.. U deserve the best.. Kisses ;)" -- -DIMA-
"So excited for you! Can't wait to hear how the first doctor's appointment goes." -- SOMEBODYS_AUNTY
Gosh - it seems so incredible and amazing to be able to say that we will be parents soon! I got a call from someone that I babysit for on Tuesday and she told me that she is pregnant and wants to give the baby up for adoption and would prefer to have us adopt the baby to having a stranger adopt the baby! She came over and brought us the test that read "positive" and it was the neatest moment ever! She gave me the test and said that I can start a baby book for the little one. She said that the baby is ours and that I can come to all of the appointments with her and the ultrasounds and be there for the birth! HOW EXCITING!!!! It is such a blessing that I don't even know what to think! It has all happened so quickly - well...relatively speaking!!!! I know it has been 3 years, but we made the decision to adopt at the beginning of May and we will be parents in January!!!! So, if everything works out as planned we will be parents - I can't even believe it! Of course we are talking to a lawyer this week and are holding our application at the agency that we were originally going through in case something happens, but all in all I feel really good about this! Please keep us, the baby, and the birth mom in your prayers:)
6.1.2010
Member Comments About this Blog Entry
"Congrats!! You really deserve this. I'm so glad it's working out for you!! Keep us updated!" -- AUREANGEL
"Congrats!! You really deserve this. I'm so glad it's working out for you!! Keep us updated!" -- AUREANGEL
"Congrats!! You really deserve this. I'm so glad it's working out for you!! Keep us updated!" -- AUREANGEL
"CONGRATS to you!! I am thrilled for you and your DH--actually I had chills reading your blog entry! I wish the birth mother and your whole family the best during this journey." -- DREAMER77
So much has happened since the last entry and it has been such a short amount of time. Once we made the decision to adopt and chose the adoption agency, some of the questions were solved immediately. The whole "Where do we begin" feeling is now gone and we know exactly what we need to do and when, which is so comforting!
Our application has been approved and we are all signed up for an all day conference in September. Once we go to this conference, we start our home study which will take about 6 months. Once that is complete, we just need to play the waiting game and wait to be chosen. The agency we have chosen allows the birth parents to choose the adoptive parents, so we will be making a profile with all of our information on it so that the birth parents get a clear picture of who we are and feel comfortable choosing us! So basically, in March we are hoping to have the home study and profile complete so that we are just waiting on a placement! We are so excited and can't wait to begin the journey!
The strange thing is that in order for the home study to be approved, we need to have the basics that are required for a newborn...such as a crib, car seat, etc. It will be very strange getting those things when there is no baby in true sight. It will be weird cleaning out the spare bedroom and putting in a crib when I'm not pregnant....but these are such minor things in the grand scheme of life! Now that our TTC journey has a focused plan, I feel relieved!!!! I just hope this journey happens as quickly as possible!
5.13.2010
Member Comments About this Blog Entry
"i'm so glad that you have been approved." -- JANETSMK
"Angie, that's awesome you have been approved already! I'm so excited for you and I pray that the time will go quickly for you. You're going to be such an awesome Mum!" -- SOMEBODYS_AUNTY
"I'm glad that you are feeling relieved and am so happy that you have the ball rolling. I don't know about you but I feel like we've been trying for so long that another year or two waiting for your adopted little one to arrive doesn't really seem that far away! Praying that the next leg of the journey will go smoothly for you. " -- EMG123
"So exciting! You are going to be great parents! Here's to a smooth adoption process and having your baby home with you by this time next year." -- ALIK1973
"This is such great news! I am soo glad you have found a path that you are both excited about and working too! Gettting those things for a room will make these answered prayers more real! I wish you both the best of luck and cant wait to see updates and pictures : )" -- MSISLES
I have the absolute best news....my husband and I have finally reached a decision that we are both so excited about!
We have decided to adopt!!! We found this great organization and sent in our application and forms on Monday! I'm almost as excited as I would be if I were announcing that I had a BFP - and in a way it sort of is my BFP because now I know that I will be a mother and from here on it is just a matter of when!
The organization that we are going through is called Adoption Circle and they place 3 day old infants from the hospital with their adoptive parents, so that is really exciting. We will need to take classes and have a home study but all of that is so worth it! I never felt comfortable with all of the fertility treatments and have fought so hard to get my body healthy again after going through them before, that this just seems like the right path to take! I'm finally feeling like this is the right thing and so is my husband, so we are both finally on the same page with things and are both just thrilled!!!! Please keep us in your prayers:)
5.6.2010
Member Comments About this Blog Entry
"How exciting Angie! Congrats on making the big decision!" -- CORANDTRYING
"That's great new Angie. I know it can be a tough choice when there are so many options so I'm thrilled that you and Ed have figured out the best path for you. I'll be keeping you in my prayers and hope that your little one lands in your hands soon." -- EMG123
"Angie, congratulations!" -- MOMMYIS40
"So happy for u, Angie!! It's the greatest decision ever.. What's so good about it is that u'll be able to take care of the baby right after s/he's born.. Hope the whole process won't take long.. Praying for u.. U deserve the best ;)" -- -DIMA-
"It is anywhere from a year to three years typically....I'm hoping that it will go quickly, but I just know that there will be a baby out there that is meant to be in our family!" -- ANGIESEDMAK
Well, 2010 is here and it is full of new opportunities. My husband is actually interviewing for a new job today - I'm so happy and proud of him. It will be a great opportunity for him and it will allow me to sort of "de-stress" my life a bit because the financial burden will be lifted a bit off of my shoulders. We have decided to just keep trying naturally until March and at that point we will start saving for more fertility treatments. I feel very overwhelmed by the whole thought of "What do we do next?"! I feel that there are so many different options for us and none of them feel right. It is so hard to understand how I am not feeling led in any direction. Maybe this is God's way of teaching patience, but who knows!!!!
I think we are going to try 3 more IUIs and then move on to IVF - even though I really don't want to take that route, if I must do it to become a parent, I think I will. I think we make decisions out of desperation that we never thought we would ever have to make.
I am sort of panicking because (and this may be silly to think) I will be turning 28 in March and my hubby will be 30 in July and it has already been 3 years of trying to conceive. I am nervous that it will only get harder as I get older - and it has already not happened! I don't know if this makes any sense but it is how I am feeling right now.
Have always pictured myself with a bunch of children (I always wanted 4 or maybe even more) and now with all that I have gone through - I would feel blessed beyond understanding to just be given 1! Perspective is a funny thing, and it changes so much as we experience life!
Happy New Year and best wishes for miracles and dreams to come true!
1.2.2010
Member Comments About this Blog Entry
"Hi Angie! Wishing you and your DH all the best in 2010! You totally have a right to feel the way you do after 3 years of TTC. Sending you TONS of babydust. ~Jamie" -- DREAMER77
"I completely know where you're coming from. I'm 31 and I always wanted 3 children but OMG would I be ecstatic just to have 1!!!! We have also been trying for 3 years. We did get pregnant once but we've still been trying for 3 years to have a baby. Its weird, I'm always happy for people when they announce they're pregnant, but at the same time I get a little depresses because I want to be pregnant with them!!" -- SMARCHESKI
"I can completely understand your reservations about being 28. That is exactly how I was when I was 28. My hubby & I had just been not preventing having a baby and it happened, but it ended up being a tubal. That was nearly 4 years and nothing since. I even stopped ovulating at one point. Now we are trying again and hoping for the best in 2010. Being almost 31 I am worried that if something doesn't happen soon it is just going to get harder. My husband & I would like 2 or 3 children, but i..." -- SIS423
"Angie, best of luck to you. I hope 2010 sees your dream realized." -- 80LUNA80
"Angie! I hope that you had a happy new years celebration! I am praying that you get your little one this year as you said, either naturally or otherwise! You are such a sweet and caring person that I know once God decides it is the right time for you to have your little ones, you will be such a great mom and you wont take it for granted! You are such a wonderful person inside and out! Happy New Year and let this year be our year! xoxo Lots of babydust!" -- KELLY42105
Well, we started TTC in May of 2007. Since my cycles are a bit short, that means that we somewhere around our 33rd cycle of trying! I am feeling like it just may not happen - I know that I have to come to terms with this if it becomes a reality because I will need to be OK with it. I am not depressed about it nor do I think about it constantly, it is just something that I need to tell myself in case it doesn't happen - if that makes any sense.
I think we have decided to look into local Christian adoption agencies since it does take about 2 years for everything to go through. I might as well start that ball rolling while we are still doing our other options. I don't know what the right thing to do is right now! I feel confused about the entire process! On one hand, I know that at any month it is possible for us to conceive - I ovulate and produce good eggs, good CM and I have a very regular cycle and DH has low volume of sperm but a normal count and they are slow but they do move! At what point do you just move on and start looking into adoption???? I don't have the answer to that which makes me feel very anxious about everything!!!! UGH!
10.13.2009
Member Comments About this Blog Entry
"Angie.... you've made it 33 cycles. You are incredibly strong. Amazing. I can't imagine how you feel. Wherever this path takes is exactly where you are meant to go. You will know it's right when you hold your child the first time. Whether adopted or biological, your children will be blessed to have you as a mother. Keep your head up." -- 80LUNA80
"Yea... I know it is. SInce you have relatives that have been through it you definatly know what it takes to get there! I wish I had better answers myself! For some reason we were chosen to go through this! We are never handed more than we can handle! Sometimes that pacifies sometimes not! Good luck! Everyone keeps telling me it will happen when I least expect it! Hopefully there is some truth to that : )" -- MSISLES
"It is a hard decision to make! My little sister and brother were foster parents (my mom and stepdad were foster parents) and the process was so long and stressful that I'm worried about taking that route. I think I'm going to start looking into adoption to at least get the ball rolling. In the mean time, we are just trying on our own for now. Hopefully it will happen soon!" -- ANGIESEDMAK
"Just keep trying....I know we havent been ttc as long as you have but I know that it does stink! I have PCOS and DH had to have a vericosecele so his count was bad.....after surgery and vitamins much better! Although we werent ttc we knew it wouldnt be easy and to get us both to a point where we could try. I just have to keep telling myself that quiting is not an option and a day at a time makes it a little more tolerable! My Mom keeps telling me we should proceed with foster care or adoption bc..." -- MSISLES
"I'm sorry Angie. I'm right there with you. We've been discussing adoption for the last couple months. I don't want to be impatient with trying on our own, there's always a chance, but I don't want to delay making plans and moving forward with creating our family. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. I sincerely hope for both of us that the paths we're meant to take will become clear for us soon." -- EMG123
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I know it has been a while since I have last updated, but we have been having so much fun and have been incredibly busy! I love love love the age/stage that Milo is at right now and want to bottle it up forever! He hasn't quite started crawling but he is so very close! He has one tooth and another one that is so close to cutting through. He laughs constantly and babbles all of the time. He is now 19 lbs. 8 oz. and is growing like a weed!!!! Needless to say, Milo LOVES food! Squash, apples, and sweet potatoes are his favorites but he will eat anything. I make all of his baby food and we use cloth diapers (Flip diapers) and both of those are going really well so far. He is just the sweetest little guy! We are having a blast this summer and I'm so sad that I can't always be a stay at home mom! Summer has absolutely been filled with play dates, Kindermusik classes, and mommy and Milo time!
Milo turned 6 months old on the 13th and I am in disbelief that my baby boy is already 6 months old! He is honestly the most amazing little baby! He is always smiling and laughing! He is the happiest and easiest baby I've ever met:) He was fussy Friday morning so I called the doctor and told them that I think he has an ear infection because he is fussy. She proceeded to laugh and ask if he had any other symptoms, but he didn't. I brought him in anyways and he did have an ear infection - mama knows best! He weighed in at 17 lbs. 4 oz. and is just a round little ball of smiles! He can scoot a little bit but does need some help with his arms (they sort of get stuck under his chest) and "talks" all the time (we call him a gabby goose). He loves to snuggle and be held and can sit on my lap forever without fussing or wanting something - he is a very content little guy! He also LOVES LOVES LOVES to eat (which definitely helps with developing his super cute thighs) - he loves sweet potatoes, carrots, squash, mangoes, bananas, apples, broccoli, and avocados. I know I am biased as all mothers are, but he just melts my heart - he is such a cute baby:)
I wrote the date on the board today in my classroom and realized how different my life is than it was a year ago. A year ago, I was waiting to have a D&C because I had found out two days earlier that the baby that I had fought so hard to get pregnant with no longer had a heart beat. I remember staring at the ultrasound screen in shock, disbelief, and horror as the ultrasound technician desperately searched for a heartbeat. It was one of the worst days of my life. I cried and cried and cried for months! 
Milo is doing really well! He is developing and changing constantly and is always learning something new. He "talks" like crazy - squealing and sort of screaming - it is way too cute! There is no sweeter sound in the world than his little voice. He is now sort of scooting himself more - if I lay him in the crib one way, he will turn himself so that he is in a completely different direction. He rolls over from tummy to back - but not often. He eats about 5 ounces every 3-4 hours now and seems to be almost ready for rice cereal. 
I can't believe our little guy is already almost 14 weeks old - time is flying by so quickly! Although each week brings new changes and he is developing and growing so much, I wish I could freeze time sometimes! I am very aware that this may be the only baby that we are fortunate enough to have and I am really trying to savor and cherish every single moment with him! I love that I do have that deep appreciation of each and every day with our sweet little guy and I don't take anything for granted (especially those middle of the night feedings - I LOVE them - he is so happy and it is serene...sigh:). 
There are a few things that let me know that I am a mom.... 
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