Posts: 223
7/13/09 10:09 A

CD 35/7 DPO

We had a great weekend. This is the first time in a long time that DH and I did not work on schoolwork on the weekend. We did whatever we felt like! Saturday we slept in, picked his parents up from the airport, I got my hair cut, then went to visit a friend at a golf tournament, and had a visit with my mom that night. Yesterday, we went back and watched some of the golf tournament, went to a couple of open houses, and relaxed at home/did some cleaning. I feel so refreshed.

Yesterday would have been my dad's 69th birthday. I can't believe he has been gone for 3 years. I definitely am more like my dad than my mom and there are days that I feel like I get ganged up on by my mom and sister. That isn't really a fair statement because it's not like they are mean or anything, but they deal with things much differently than I do (and my dad would have). It has been better this past year than the first two years after he passed away. My mom and sister didn't understand that I was grieving differently than they were and that I didn't want to 'celebrate' every milestone (i.e. 6 months since he passed, the anniversary of the day he passed away, his birthday). I just think about him all the time, and don't want to put emphasis on days that suck. My mom and sister, on the other hand, want to get together, drink wine, and talk about him. The first few times they were really angry with me when I said that I wouldn't be going. Thankfully we have all pretty much figured out what the others need because the grieving still hasn't ended. I guess it never will, it just gets easier to think about him without crying (aside from this very moment).

I'm not really sure how I got on this tangent, but I definitely did not intend for this to be such a downer! So let's switch back...

I'm still wondering whether AF is about to show up. I have very very light cramps (more discomfort than anything) and spotting first thing in the morning and then it's gone for the rest of the day. I'm confused. I promised my mom I wouldn't test until next Monday, but it's so hard not to! I had a temp dip below coverline at 5 DPO (or 9 DPO) and then they went back up yesterday and then way up today. I wish my body wouldn't give me false hope. If AF is coming I wish she would just come and quit sticking her little toe through the door.

Hmm... hopefully tomorrow I won't be such a downer. Snap out of it Fearon!

I hope everyone had a great weekend and that the sun is shining wherever you are!

Posts: 223
7/11/09 5:24 P

CD 33 and 5 or 9 DPO

I'm trying to assume that FF is right and that I am only 5 DPO. If it was right the first time, though, there are some big coincidences happening.

* TMI warning *

When going to the washroom last night, there was a tiny hint of pink when wiping along with some mild cramping. I'm a little confused by it because I have NEVER started a period in the evening. Plus, it just didn't seem the same as when AF arrives. Is it possible that it is implantation bleeding?

This morning, there was a little more pink when wiping, with tiny red dots. Again, not like when AF arrives. And I had to pee 3 times in an hour and a half! That never happens first thing in the morning.

Now it's the evening again and after going to the washroom there is nothing and no more cramps, so I don't know what to think.

I really, really don't think there is a chance for it this month, especially if FF is only saying 5 DPO and our BD timing wasn't great for their estimate for ovulation, but I am not understanding these symptoms. If I am only 5 DPO and this is the beginning of AF then I have a seriously short LP. And I just don't think that's the case.

Ugh. I hate all the unknowns. I want so badly to POAS but I only have one good one left and I want to save it. I have an order of OPKs and HPTs coming from early-pregnancy-tests.com hopefully sometime next week (it takes a while to get to Canada ), so I am making myself wait until they show up. At least by that point (if they happen to show up by Friday or the following Monday), either AF will have arrived, or I will be 11 DPO (or 15 DPO) on Friday or 14 DPO (or 18 DPO) on the Monday.

Not a fan of the waiting game...

Posts: 223
7/9/09 7:46 A

CD 31 / 3 DPO?

FF changed my date of ovulation so now I am only 3 DPO. Bah! This is so frustrating. At least when I was on BCPs I knew when AF would show up. Now I have no idea. I will say, however, that it would explain why I don't feel any symptoms of PMS yet.

I also looked back at my FF chart from last cycle and the crosshairs have changed places and now show a luteal phase of only 8 days. I hope it's either wrong or that it is an effect of a "still-regulating" cycle after coming off BCPs. The crosshairs were dashed before, but are now solid. Hmm...

I couldn't fall asleep again last night. Up until 2, watched Pride & Prejudice, then went to sleep. I'm paying for it this morning. Thankfully I will be working from home today so I way just go back to sleep for an hour or so.

I am meeting with my advisor tomorrow, so I have GOT to get my research proposal done. Eek.

Edited by: FSEAMAN at: 7/9/2009 (10:44)

Posts: 223
7/8/09 11:44 A

CD 30 / 6 DPO

Temps made a big jump again today. I'm glad to see them back to where they should be post-O. I really don't think there is much hope for this month, but if AF isn't here by this time next week I may start to wonder. I don't feel anything though. No sore BBs. Nothing.

I thought about putting a "hopeful" ticker in my signature, but I really think that would just start to give me false hope. I'll wait till I'm actually PG before making a ticker.

Posts: 223
7/7/09 8:22 A

CD 29 / 5 DPO (based on a wacked out chart so who really knows)

I'm not really sure what to make of my chart. Part of me wants to just keep taking my temp each morning but just accept the chart as a write-off this month. I guess there is some hope... We did BD the day that FF detected ovulation. I'm just not sure that it was actually that day. It could have happened a week before when there was EWCM and we were traveling, or it may not have happened yet!

I ordered a package of OPK tests strips/HPT strips from early-pregnancy-tests.com. I think they will help reduce the stress of wondering when ovulation will happen. I wouldn't be surprised if my antsiness (is that a word?) about the effect of jet lag on my BBT and whether or not I have O'd has been delaying ovulation. Oh well. There's not much I can do about it now. I'll just wait and if AF doesn't happen to show up in a few weeks I'll take a test.

Really not holding my breath though, which I guess is good. I should be able to focus on finishing my research proposal that keeps staring me in the face. It's like the Geico commercial with the stack of money...

On another note, I could not fall asleep last night when laying in bed. Went out to the couch to read a research article and got about 4 pages in before deciding to close my eyes. Slept there for 2.5 hours! Woke up at 6:15 and was wide awake, but forced myself to go back to sleep. Big mistake. Super groggy the next time I woke up.

Edited by: FSEAMAN at: 7/7/2009 (08:36)

Posts: 223
7/6/09 10:04 A

CD 28.

FF is saying that I didn't O now. I feel like this is all making me crazy. I could have swore that I was having O pain last night... It was late at night and DH was exhausted, but he could tell that my mind was preoccupied with thinking that we were going to miss it since we hadn't BD'd for a few days. So we did, but this morning my temp went down a bit (wrong way!).

I may talk to him today about getting some OPK sticks from early-pregnancy-tests.com. If my cycles are going to be as long and irregular as they seem to be, the ones from the drugstore are just too expensive. I am comfortable paying $35 for 50 OPK strips and 15 HPTs, but not $35 for 7 OPK strips (and possibly having to get two or more packages each month!).

Edited by: FSEAMAN at: 7/6/2009 (10:11)

Posts: 223
7/5/09 3:32 P

Well, I think I may have O'd but I'm not sure. It's possible that my body is just going back to its normal pre-O temps and that I haven't O'd yet. FF is saying that it happened but my temps dropped for several days at the end of vacation. I have no idea what to think.

I actually wouldn't be surprised if I O'd a while ago but it was masked by jet lag and that AF will show up any day. I have been so irritable the last couple of days! Part of it may be that I'm mad at myself because I didn't get anything done for school this past week. To be honest, I was so preoccupied with getting us organized after getting back from vacation and with making sure we BD that I didn't even want to think about school work. I have really got to focus this week and get my research proposal done. Ugh.

Posts: 223
7/2/09 1:30 P

CD 24 and no sign of O yet. *sigh*

Posts: 223
6/30/09 7:43 P

I didn't think I would be this crazy (no, more like obsessed) this first cycle of actively TTC. I've been tracking BBT and used an OPK while we were on vacation because I didn't know if the time difference would affect my temps. Well... I got a negative the whole time. And now that I'm back, my temps still don't show that I've O'd... they've dropped even lower! I had EWCM on the 28th and not much for CM since then (sorry if TMI), but I didn't get the temp shift to go with it.

I figured out the range of dates that I could expect to O... June 20th-July 1st so technically tonight is still an option. The only problem is that DH is exhausted so that won't happen.

I know that stressing about it will actually work against me so I'm trying to just let it go and if it happens, it happens. It is only the first month, so really, I shouldn't even expect it to happen. I don't want to get my hopes up and then be disappointed.

I have to keep reminding myself that it's ok if it doesn't happen the first time. There are so many women who have been trying for years that I feel selfish even hoping, but I can't seem to help it.

I think what's bugging me is that I thought I had my cycle figured out.

Ok I'll just give my head a little shake and let this all go. It has helped to just write this all down. I didn't want to say anything to DH because I didn't want him to feel bad about not feeling up to it tonight.

Posts: 223
6/29/09 10:38 A

Our vacation is over, so I guess it's back to reality...

The mountains were beautiful and we had a great time. Lots of hiking! We also went horseback riding, which was a bit of a disaster, but I can laugh about it now. My horse kept trying to walk me into trees! He even chose to go in between two trees that were maybe 2 feet apart instead of staying on the trail even though i was trying to steer him around them. I understand that his head fit between the trees, but the rest of him (plus my legs!) did not.

Sharing the hotel suite with the in-laws didn't end up being that bad. We had to get a little creative to find time alone, but it all worked out. I charted BBT and used OPKs while we were away because I wasn't sure how the time change would affect everything. They all came back negative, but based on CM yesterday I think I am due to O today so we'll give it one more kick at the can.

I'm definitely procrastinating right now and should start to do some school work. It's hard to focus though, because there is so much BabyFit news to catch up on! Haha

Posts: 223
6/18/09 1:17 P

Less than 48 hours until vacation! DH is really looking forward to it. He thinks the mountains will be good luck :)

I won't be charting BBT while we are away because I don't want to wake up at 7 every morning. I wasn't going to use OPKs, but I bought a kit to use next week because I can use it later in the day. If there are any little tips people have for using OPKs, feel free to share!

Edited by: FSEAMAN at: 6/18/2009 (14:44)

Posts: 223
6/15/09 11:45 A

So after a week, AF is finally gone. I had forgotten how insane the cramps are when not on BCPs. I might as well get used to it, though, because I'm sure they are NOTHING like labour contractions.

On the weekend, DH decided to get our friends a little baby gift. He felt left out because I gave our gift at a baby shower a couple of months ago. He found a soother that said "Pull to sound alarm". It was a perfect gift from him because it is totally his sense of humour. He said our friends laughed when he gave it to them this morning, so that's good.

Only 5 days till vacation! The days should pass quickly... I want to have a draft of my research proposal to my supervisor by the end of the week, I have a cake decorating class tonight, and am going to the driving range for Ladies' Night on Thursday. I think I'll take Friday off to do laundry and pack. I better get back to writing...

Posts: 223
6/12/09 8:09 A

We went to see baby Taryn yesterday. She is absolutely beautiful! I have never seen a newborn before... it was amazing. She is 7 lbs 12 oz a perfectly formed little girl. She has such tiny ears and mouth! And when she looks at you, it's amazing. DH was completely taken with her, so I can't imagine what it will be like when it's his own!

Needless to say, DH and I were on a baby high last night. Just watching how proud and excited our friends were, really got our heads in gear for what we need to do to make sure we have a healthy baby if/when we get pregnant. Our friend was in great shape before she was pregnant and kept up with physical activity throughout her pregnancy and ate really well. She only pushed for half an hour, so I truly believe it is a testament for exercising during pregnancy in one form or another!

I've thought more about whether I would want to know the sex or not (I know it may be wayyy too early to be thinking about this, but oh well). I asked our friends if they were glad they had waited to find out the sex when she was born and they emphatically said 'yes'. I just wonder if you get to know your baby better if you know what it is? I don't know. I know you will bond with your baby regardless. If anyone else has opinions or could tell me about getting to know your baby without knowing the sex, I would love to hear about it.

Posts: 223
6/11/09 8:57 A

Friends of ours had a baby girl last night! Her name is Taryn... I can't wait to go see her this morning. I was telling my MIL and she said to make sure I hold the baby. Apparently it is an old wives tale that if you hold a new baby you'll get pregnant. It's funny some of the things people used to believe.

Our friends had decided that they were going to wait to find out the sex of the baby, and it was pretty incredible to hear the excitement from the new dad when he called last night to tell us about his new little girl.

I keep going back and forth about whether I would want to know or not. My personality is a need to be very organized so I would want to be totally prepared before the baby arrived. But at the same time, it's one of life's most amazing surprises! DH said he wouldn't want to know, so we'll see...

Posts: 223
6/10/09 9:11 P

(Feel free to post here if you like)

I had full intentions of keeping a journal during our TTC journey and pregnancy (if we get pg), but I would much rather type so I have given in and started a community journal. My plan is to eventually print my entries if we have a baby.

A little about me... I am 26 years old and live in New Brunswick, Canada. My husband's name is Ken and is 28 years old. We are both graduate students, and my husband also trains athletes, so we keep pretty busy.

We were married in August 2007 and recently decided that we were ready to try to start a family. I have had one cycle off BCPs so this month we be our first month actually trying. DH has been surprisingly curious of how my BBT charting is going, so it has been nice that he is involved.

I am really hoping to have a baby due between March and June. I really don't want to be pg in the summer, but if that's what happens it's ok! I won't be too picky!

So this month may be tricky for BDing, but we're going to give it a go. I am expecting to o' while we are on vacation at the end of the month. I don't know if the 4-hour time difference will mess up my body enough that my cycle will be off. Also, for a couple of days we will be sharing a hotel suite with my in-laws... We will have our own room, but hopefully we will be able to get some alone time anyway. Regardless, I am really looking forward to getting away with my hubby for a week!!