Wow, that is a challenging set of scheuling issues. I'm sure you will find the solution that is right for you. Personally, I think I would choose to wait a little longer and let Mother's Day be as joyful a time as is possible. But I know sometimes the process of burying a lost loved one really can help give closure, so I wouldn't think it a mistake if you and your family did decide that it was time. Whatever you do decide, even now in the meanwhile, his soul is already with God.
Married to DH 05/08/04.
DD born 12/28/05.
More to come someday...
SARAH_C
Posts: 4665
5/10/07 5:08 P
Ummmm... no. The timing just hasn't seemed right and now I don't know when to do it! We can't do it during the week (DH works too late and I have been back to work in the evenings 3 nights this week). I didn't want to do it the day after my surgery. We couldn't do it last weekend (Saturday it rained all day and Sunday we were at a birthday party from 2 p.m. till 5 p.m. then normal evening routine w/ 3 toddlers). That leaves... this Mother's Day weekend? I don't know whether I can handle having Evan's burial associated with Mother's Day. Mother's Day will be hard enough on its own.
We did buy the trees, though. It turns out that our front yard is not NEARLY big enough for a maple tree. It's plenty big enough for the maple tree that I bought, but it's not big enough for that same tree in 20 years. It looks like we'll have a pair of October Glory maple trees in the back yard, someday big enough to string a hammock between them. That sounds fine to me.
So to answer your question, Evan is still in our freezer.
He was beautiful. I am glad that you have a clear picture of him to keep for memory's sake. His size compared to your uterus does help again to confirm the timing of things, which I'm sure helps to feel more confident in the decision you made.
Have you had the service for him yet? Planted the trees?
Married to DH 05/08/04.
DD born 12/28/05.
More to come someday...
SARAH_C
Posts: 4665
5/10/07 4:09 P
I posted the ultrasound pic of Evan in my blog, if you want to see.
Hey Sarah; I read your blog again this evening. My heart continues to go out to you. The photo of the October Glory maple is absolutely breathtaking. I am so sorry, just rediculously pissed on your behalf, that someone told you to get over it. Take the time you need to grieve. Don't feel guilty for grieving. And I'm glad for the time you've had w/ J, that you're reconnecting and having that babymoon.
Anyway, sorry for the novel. Just wanted to let you know I'm still here, still praying, still caring.
Married to DH 05/08/04.
DD born 12/28/05.
More to come someday...
SARAH_C
Posts: 4665
5/1/07 6:05 P
Thanks, Rose. Oddly enough, "vulnerable" and "raw" were what I was going for. :-) :-(
I actually believe that mothers have a superhuman-like ability to save the tears for the appropriate time and place. We can be so strong, keep pushing through, until there is peace and quiet and time for reflection and tears.
Obviously not even close to the same situation, but I've talked to a lot of moms (including myself) whose children have been injured or very sick, and it wasn't until they came home from the hospital and everything was in place and everyone was taken care of that they finally sat down and cried it out. I totally believe we are built by God or nature or whatever to have that sort of coping mechanism.
Jack Finley: Homebirthed, Waterbirthed, Non-circumcised, hardly vaccinated, exclusively breastfed, cloth diapered and perfect in every way!
MAMADOU
Posts: 8685
4/30/07 7:39 A
Sarah ~ I am thankful that physically things are better. I agree w/ the others about letting yourself grieve in your way, and don't let *anyone* tell you how to do it. Continuing to pray for you and your family.
What a beautiful image Brittany!
Joy
Jackson ~ January 23, 2006
SONKISSED1333 BabyPoints:1150
Posts: 332
4/29/07 10:25 P
Sarah,
It had been a while since I last checked your MySpace page and obviously haven’t been on Babyfit in AGES, I was very saddened to find out about your recent loss. I’m not sure if I ever shared my story on Babyfit, but I suffered a miscarriage with our first at about 7 wks. It occurred naturally while we were away from home (though the circumstances were such that Dave and I were alone for several days). I was able to “save” some of the remains and we had a burial for our baby – Eden - in the Oregon forest. Last month was the 3rd anniversary of his death to us and the beginning of his life in Heaven. God showed me a picture that at the time brought us much comfort, I saw Jesus in a playground playing with Eden and pushing him in a swing. It gave me peace to know that He would be looking after Eden (even playing with him!) and I knew I would one day be reunited with our first-born. Even though I have had a miscarriage and been through the loss of a child I could never say I “know how you feel” because every situation is so completely different as are the feelings one experiences accompanying the loss. I hope you will be comforted with the thought that Jesus is playing and looking after your son Evan Michael, too. Who knows, maybe somehow our sons will be friends – I do not profess to know the mysteries of Heaven! Much love and hugs to you during this time…
~Brittany
Grace Elizabeth was born "at home" on September 19th, 2005
Currently residing in the beautiful Turks & Caicos Islands in the Caribbean, but where the heck is Starbucks?!?
SARAH_C
Posts: 4665
4/29/07 7:32 P
Now it feels as if the whole thing didn't happen. The pregnancy, the miscarriage, the horrible treatment--I mean "care"-- I received in the ER, the surgery, all of it. The whole thing seems like a bad dream. If it weren't for the tiny dead baby in my freezer awaiting burial, I would wonder if the whole thing weren't just some horrible dream.
As I mentioned in my post, when I found out I just wandered aimlessly in the back yard. After the D&C, I came home and rested and had a friend or two stop by to check on me and bring food or whatever. When it really hit me and I started crying was when I got flowers from my co-workers. For some reason, that set me off. Another time was when I was in a store we used to have around here called Bradlee's. I saw a lady in there with her baby and she had been one of the ladies in the waiting room on the day I had to go back to the office to find out the news. Seeing her really had a hard impact. You never know when these little things may set off emotions that you were not expecting at the time.
#4 Lillie Madeline 6/6/07
#3 Addie Faye 3/17/06
#2 Derek Robert 9/30/01
#1 Daniel Joseph 8/5/96
MY_DIAH
Posts: 14559
4/29/07 1:07 P
I can't cry right away ever Sarah. I agree, with Sarahg, mourn however you feel is best. But don't be afraid to let go and grieve. It is only natural to want to maintain complete control when something out of our control happens, let your heart grieve. We are all here for you.
"No borders, no limits, oh go ahead, touch the Cornballer..."
Michael Bluth
SARAH_G
Posts: 9009
4/29/07 12:05 P
It happens to lots of people when they suffer a loss. Feeling better can carry guilt along with it, as though healing and coming out of a loss intact means that you care less for the loved one who is gone. It doesn't. You can love your baby dearly, and still in time feel real, deep, and abundant joy again. The most beautiful funeral I ever went to (my great-grandfather's) was full of joyful, humorous stories about his life; and while each of us was grieving his loss deaply, it was an enormous blessing to be able to continue to embrace life even as we acknowledged and mourned his passing.
Grieve however you need to. If that means crying, cry; but if it means sitting quietly then sit quietly, and if it means laughing and playing with your children, then laugh and play with your children. We don't all grieve in the same manner, and each of us will pass through a serious of different stages while we grieve.
I'm continuing to pray for you.
Married to DH 05/08/04.
DD born 12/28/05.
More to come someday...
SARAH_C
Posts: 4665
4/29/07 10:35 A
Several m/c survivors have told me to go ahead and allow all the grief to flow b/c if I hold it in, it will find me out later. I want to get through it now rather than later, so we can move on with our lives. However, I still haven't cried since immediately before the surgery. I guess I'm still numb and in shock. I don't know how to get to that next point. I really am not trying to hold it in.
Don't get me wrong. I still feel horrible. I just can't cry right now.
"No borders, no limits, oh go ahead, touch the Cornballer..."
Michael Bluth
HAPPYMOM74
Posts: 4857
4/28/07 9:18 P
Thank you for the update, Rachael.
Monica
HUGE Breastfeeding & Natural Birth advocate
Mom of a sweet & happy 5 yr old girl AND our 2 yr old BABYFIT BOY!!
ASHESOFYOU
Posts: 284
4/28/07 6:42 P
Thank you so much for the update. I'm glad that she came through the procedure well, and that the hospital cooperated and had respect for her needs.
Sarah- You and your family have been in my thoughts all day, and I hope you can begin healing soon. You offer so much love to so many women here, and I hope you can feel all of the love and prayers said here for you.
Hey everyone. Sarah has been released from the hospital. They did a D&C under general anesthesia. She had never been under general before, but she didn't feel queasy or anything afterwards (just groggy.) She said the procedure went as well as could be expected and they did let her have some of the remains to take home. I'll let her give you the rest of the details when she's rested and back. :) X-posted in the Natural Birth thread.
Edited by: RAES4BOYS at: 4/28/2007 (20:43)
Jack Finley: Homebirthed, Waterbirthed, Non-circumcised, hardly vaccinated, exclusively breastfed, cloth diapered and perfect in every way!
SARAH_G
Posts: 9009
4/28/07 10:41 A
Sarah - I'll be praying for you throughout the morning; that all goes well and that God hold you close to Him, comfort you, protect you, and bring you through this difficult time. It may be a small comfort, but He has been there. He lost His own child, and knows personally the deep loss you are experiencing. He will be with you throughout the procedure, watching over you while you are asleep, and healing you after. You will not be alone for one single moment. And all of us are thinking of you and praying for you now as well. I can't tell you how many times I have cried for you in the past day and I'm sure I'm not the only one. I wish I could do something to really help, but at least I can tell you that you are not alone.
Married to DH 05/08/04.
DD born 12/28/05.
More to come someday...
KAYAKMOM
Posts: 2652
4/28/07 10:06 A
Sarah, I'm sorry I didn't find this message earlier. I am so sorry for what is happening and I completely understand because I underwent the same thing. I lost my first baby at 17w6d. In August it will be 11 years. The doctor used laminaria to dilate my cervix. It was put in late afternoon/early evening and then my surgery was the following morning. I also had a general and woke up and everything was over. For me at the time, it really was the easiest way. I don't think I could have dealt with having to see everything. I'm not sure how I'd feel about it at this point.
I don't think I've ever shared this here on Babyfit, but I wrote about it last week in the cafe, so I'll just c/p in case you're interested. My doctor at the time was a really bad man. He eventually lost his medical license many years later. Anyway, here's what happened to me, with a bit of detail added to the original post about the laminaria insertion:
The first time I was pregnant I went to the doctor as usual. I had an ultrasound and the baby measured a bit small, but no one indicated that this could be a problem. At my 10 week visit he could not hear the heartbeat, but said it was still kind of early. At the next appointment they heard a heartbeat and I went about my business and bought a few baby items, thinking everything was fine. At the following appointment, at 17w6d, he could not detect a heartbeat. I was sent out for an ultrasound. I remember asking for a picture and she said I could have one when she was done. She left the room for quite a while. A doctor came back and checked for a few minutes and then I was left alone again. Yet another doctor came and checked. I was not sure what was going on, as it was my first pregnancy and no one was saying anything really. After a while, I was told that my doctor wanted to see me in his office. By this time it was nearly 5pm on a Friday and I had a 1pm appointment to start with.
When I returned to the office, about 1/2 hour drive with a ton of traffic, I was left to sit in the waiting room while he finished seeing patients. Finally, I was called in. This doctor was the rudest person on the planet I realized that day. He said, "As I'm sure you've figured out by now, there is no heartbeat. I've taken the liberty of scheduling a D&C for the morning but if that is not what you want, you can wait until things happen naturally. You'll probably end up hemorraging and in the emergency room."
I opted to go ahead with it and he told me he would need to insert laminaria sticks (Japanese seaweed) in order to naturally dilate my cervix since I was so far along. I laid on the table and as he was doing it, I started saying Ow! Ow! I am not normally a whiny patient, but I was hurting both mentally and physically. He said, "If you don't stop I'm not going to be able to do this and you'll just have to wait and hemorrage." Evil man. He finished and sent me out the back door of the office, all alone, to my car. How I ever made it home in one piece is beyond me and when I arrived home, I just wandered aimlessly around the back yard until ds10's dad found me.
I went to the hospital the following morning and the specialists did more testing to confirm the ultrasound results before the surgery. I had the procedure and the baby had grown to 12 week development over the 18 weeks I had been pregnant. It's likely that the heart had stopped about a week before my appointment. I have copies of all of the hospital and doctor records in a purple envelope that I've always kept. I was extremely devastated because I was almost half done with my pregnancy and I was very excited. The whole thing was very bizarre, actually. I never started experiencing real symptoms until I was about 14 weeks or so and then they began to subside around 17 weeks.
#4 Lillie Madeline 6/6/07
#3 Addie Faye 3/17/06
#2 Derek Robert 9/30/01
#1 Daniel Joseph 8/5/96
SREXRODE1
Posts: 16334
4/28/07 9:30 A
Sarah, I am so sorry about the whole set of circumstances. May God provide you with His strength and support. May you feel His loving arms around you, caring for you. I pray that the D&C goes smoothly and there are no further complications or issues. May God bless you and your family.
Our eighth baby was born at home July 23, with the help of our wonderful midwife! Benjamin was 8lb 3oz.
I breastfeed, homeschool, use natural products, cosleep, cloth diapers, wear my baby, attachment parent, don't vaccinate, and love God, my husband of over 18 years, and my kids!
NONSEQUITUR
Posts: 24375
4/28/07 9:25 A
Sarah, I am so sorry this has been so difficult for you. You and your family are in my thoughts. I hope your surgery went well this morning and that you recover quickly.
I wish there was something I could do to help.
Tempus fugit.
ANNA_N_ME
Posts: 4410
4/28/07 9:08 A
Sarah, I am praying right now that God will give you peace in place of fear. I'm praying for this to be over soon physically and for God to wrap His arms around you as you grieve.
I'm so sorry I wasn't here for you yesterday. I wish I could be there for you physically right now. I'm glad your MW is going with you.
~Fredia~
Waiting for God to bless our family again!
Member of Magic City Slingers, LLL, Alabama Birth Coalition.
Aspiring Childbirth Educator
PIRNQK
Posts: 2729
4/28/07 7:23 A
I'm thinking of you still Sarah. All of me was wishing that your body spontaneously began. You have a wonderful midwife to be helping you so much, I am thankful she's with you. I am so sorry about the hospital experiences you're having to go through. I'll be thinking of you this morning and hoping you are healing soon.
Kristi, 31
Denver, CO
Ryanne was born 12/31/05, 39w6d, natural birth 6lbs 12 oz, 20"
Hunter was born 5/12/07, 39w3d, emergency c-section when IUGR was found, 5lbs 0oz, 17.5" Diagnosed at 14 months with spastic diplegia cerebral palsy.
MY_DIAH
Posts: 14559
4/28/07 1:14 A
I am sorry this had to be made even harder for you than it has to be Sarah. I hope this gets sorted out so you can start moving forward.
"No borders, no limits, oh go ahead, touch the Cornballer..."
Michael Bluth
_CARRIE_
Posts: 11500
4/27/07 9:32 P
Srah if you are still around and waiting on a resolution for this maybe this information will help you. Most states do not have polivy or law regarding what MUST be done with a baby that is less the 17weeks gestation. Please speak to you mw about this, because it's probably just procedure and habit you are fighting and not law. There is wiggle room if this is the case.
I have found a few things, but I want to be sensitive. Just MM me if it isnt resolved yet. There is a number I have for an organizatin that may be able to clear this thing with the hospital up.
momx5, birthteacher, doula
birthingnaturally.wordpress.com
LTLFAERY
Posts: 9488
4/27/07 9:01 P
Oh Sarah, I'm crying for you. I am so sorry for the loss of your precious baby, and for the fact that you must bear with all this extra stuff after you made your decision.
I don't have any advice, as my own M/C happened on it's own.
But I offer all my thoughts of strenght, comfort, and support to you.
*remembering the triplets*
HAPPYMOM74
Posts: 4857
4/27/07 8:29 P
Okay, here's some specifics on the suppository from this site..with further detail.
http://www.drugdigest.org/DD/DVH /Uses/0,3915,7146%7CDinoprosto ne+Vaginal+Suppositories,00.ht ml
"Dinoprostone Vaginal Suppositories
What are dinoprostone vaginal suppositories? (Back to top) DINOPROSTONE, PROSTAGLANDIN E2 (Prostin E2®) stimulates contractions to empty the uterus after an incomplete abortion or miscarriage, or when fetal death occurs. Dinoprostone is used when necessary to induce abortion between the 12th and 20th week of pregnancy, as calculated from the first day of the last normal menstrual period. Dinoprostone is also used for a condition called hydatidiform mole. Generic dinoprostone vaginal suppositories are not yet available."
Also another drug combo I see is--
Take an RU 486 (morning after)pill and two days later get an injection of prostaglandin
Mom of a sweet & happy 5 yr old girl AND our 2 yr old BABYFIT BOY!!
ASHESOFYOU
Posts: 284
4/27/07 6:55 P
Oh Sarah...
My thoughts are with you, and I hope you can find the end soon. I read on the natural boards a lot, but don't post very much. You are such a beautiful person, and I am so sorry you are going through this.
Wow, Sarah, this is turning into an awful mess. I'm so sorry that your local doctors are being so difficult. Especially odd that they suddenly care that this is an "off the label" use for Cyotec..when we all know that it wasn't originally intended for use in induction either.
PP had a good suggestion...asking someone in the knowledgeable hospital to do you a favor and PLEASE try to talk to your physician's office.
I understand your reluctance to simply wait it out. Since your body hasn't expelled the baby thus far...
It leaves those images in your head of the seventy yr old woman on TV that had a forty yr old fetus removed. BUT that is sooooo very rare and just a odd TV show that puts notions in your head.
Though I would be in a constant state of worry and sadness...until I finally got physical closure.
I MUST mention that it IS likely that your babe hasn't been gone that long. Though he only measures 8 wks or so...
The babe could have had a genetic hinderance...perhaps even the very reason that it miscarried. It could have kept the growth rate slower than usual...up till the heartbeat stopped. Therefore, the baby could have truly been the size of an 8 wk fetus while having gestated for 12 or 13 wks.
Traditionally, the body expells such miscarriages within a couple of weeks of death. (not text book rules there but just the law of averages)And most of the stories are of intact babies..contained within thier waters. (sometimes smaller embryos simply re- absorb...but I think an 8 wk fetus will birth....NOT re-absorb)
Still the timeline thing is something to think about...that may help ease some of the "how long can this really take" angst.
I am truly confused as to WHY they won't allow you to retain the "body" when a D&C is performed. I mean, I think I understand where their policy is coming from...but can't they understand where you and your dh are coming from too? Seems like there should be some AMA type of papers for that stuff...
Spoke to the career RN L&D cuz tonight and she agrees on that one....says that if they don't have to send the baby to pathology (in cases with question of cause) there is no reason NOT to let you have the products of the D and C.
She also tells me that you should ask about a ***Prostaglandin suppository*** that is often used for this particular cause. It is an ON label use, and the docs cannot argue with that one. (though she believes that they may require you to be inpatient to receive the suppository) She tells me that usually only ONE administration is needed..but a second can be inserted in 8 to 10 hrs. (she also said that she doubted that you would get Cyotec on an outpatient basis...at least around here anyway)
Well, here are also some NON conventional sites..yeah, they're "selling" something...but it's another option if no other opens up readily.
http://www.naturalmiscarriage.or g/
This lady swears she has a natural array of herbs. (used in conjuction with uterine massage) Yes, she is asking 7.95 for her information. BUT if it worked....it would be worth it.
Another site claiming success with their herbal tea mixtures.
http://www.herballegacy.com/id52 6.htm
Once again, I am sure that they will require some cash for their "formula".
Normally, I wouldn't even bother putting any thought into such sites....
It's just that this red tape that you are experiencing is an inspiration to handle it naturally.
Mom of a sweet & happy 5 yr old girl AND our 2 yr old BABYFIT BOY!!
PIRNQK
Posts: 2729
4/27/07 6:01 P
It sounds like the bureaucracy of it all is just adding to your grief and pain. :( What are your herbal options? The cohosh's? Can you get the WVU people to make a call to a local doctor and talk to them about the use of cytotec? A lot of times doctors will listen to each other but will dismiss us because we're just patients. Can you get it online?? I want so badly for you to have resolution, I'm so so sorry!!!
Kristi, 31
Denver, CO
Ryanne was born 12/31/05, 39w6d, natural birth 6lbs 12 oz, 20"
Hunter was born 5/12/07, 39w3d, emergency c-section when IUGR was found, 5lbs 0oz, 17.5" Diagnosed at 14 months with spastic diplegia cerebral palsy.
SARAH_C
Posts: 4665
4/27/07 5:49 P
I forgot to mention, in case you all were wondering. I haven't had any spotting or bleeding whatsoever. I have only begun to feel crampy/achy in my uterus since the moment I was told the bad news. I don't know whether that's mental or physical or both.
I'm so sorry Sarah. I can't even imagine having to deal with that kind of buerocracy and the stubborness of doctors during what is already a difficult time for you. I'm continuing to pray for you.
Married to DH 05/08/04.
DD born 12/28/05.
More to come someday...
MAMADOU
Posts: 8685
4/27/07 4:40 P
Oh Sarah, I have no advice, but I wanted to say that I'm praying that whatever doors you need to open will be opened. (((hugs)))
Joy
Jackson ~ January 23, 2006
SARAH_C
Posts: 4665
4/27/07 4:31 P
Carrie, I'm already 6 wks past baby's death. And still nursing 14 mo old DS.
And you won't believe what we have gone through today trying to get our options lined up. No one will let me complete this miscarriage.
I finally was at peace w/ a D&C if my MW could find a care provider who would allow me to bury the remains. Turns out, there is NO WAY to have this done. The "product of conception" is swept away as medical biohazard waste and is incenerated after it is taken to pathology. They will not allow you to even take a small bit home to bury.
So I acquiesced to the Cytotec. Except now I can't get my hands on any. Turns out, the physicians around here are flat out DENYING that it is a recommended use for completing a miscarriage under a certain # of days gestation (I'm within the range). My friend is a pharmacist and photocopied the literature directly out of Clinical Pharmacology which many physicians' offices don't have, but it makes NO DIFFERENCE to them. They refuse to prescribe it, claiming it's an "off label" use which just isn't true in this case.
My MW did find 1 dr's office who would help me and prescribe Cytotec, but wouldn't accept my faxed reports & u/s. Said I would have to drive there to their office for them to treat me. Which is great, except it's 4 HOURS DRIVE EACH WAY. This is at Ruby/WVU Hospital (a major research hospital) and they are dumbfounded that the physicians around here would deny Cytotec for this use. They said that it is standard care and treatment for missed miscarriage at the WVU Hospital.
Now I have no idea what to do. I cannot get this baby out.
Sarah, you have to do what feels best to you mentally as well as gynecologically.
One method is only going to be "better" based on what you want to get out of the situation, and what you think is safest.
Your body isn't yet ready to give up the baby, so if you want it out NOW you will have to do the D&C. Cytotec will help induce, but like any time you induce it isn't the same as waiting until the time is right; and the body is ready. Expectant care is still an option, no risk of infection up to four weeks past the date it was determined baby has no heartbeat.
In my own case, we waited. I took the cytotec and had it at home to use if I felt I needed it or in the case of hemmorage. (I did hemmorage but dealt with that naturally as well.) It was the best choice for me emotionally, but it was gruesome to me at the time. In retrospect it was perfect and met our goals for handling the body respectfully. Baby was whole and perfect and had a beautiful little umbilical cord. His sac tore only as he was being born. It was as physically as any birth though and lasted hours (simply no pushing stage) of real contraction. It still gets my goat tyhat midwives will tell you it's light cramping, it's nothing like a period and everything like a mini birth. I bled and spotted for 3 weeks before the baby actually was born from the time the u/s detected no heartbeat; but the only reason I had an u/s was because of loss of symptoms and brown spotting. I wanted to let you know as well that it takes TIME to get back to normal. Rest and care for yourself as if you just had a baby. If you have the D&C (as opposed to natural) your hormones will continue on the natural path and you will slowly feel unpregnant. My milk came in 3 days after the baby passed and it was the most horrible slap in the face possible. I wanted to warn you as I didn't know this could happen.
It's a horrible, horrible shock. And I wish you didn't have to do this.
momx5, birthteacher, doula
birthingnaturally.wordpress.com
SIMPLEMOMMY
Posts: 1499
4/27/07 11:34 A
Sarah,
I am so truly sorry for your loss. I don't have any recommendations, but I am sorry.
And to the other ladies on here as well, I am sorry this has happened to you and your friends.
You and all the babies will be in my prayers.
SREXRODE1
Posts: 16334
4/27/07 9:01 A
When my friend had hers, the baby was fully intact. Beautiful, so tiny. Still in the sack. There was strong cramping, but not terrible. It was like 24 hrs, I think she said. She went on to have more, healthy babies:) My prayers are with you as you make these decisions and deal with the loss. I'm sure it will be difficult on you and your family for quite a while.
Our eighth baby was born at home July 23, with the help of our wonderful midwife! Benjamin was 8lb 3oz.
I breastfeed, homeschool, use natural products, cosleep, cloth diapers, wear my baby, attachment parent, don't vaccinate, and love God, my husband of over 18 years, and my kids!
QUESTHER
Posts: 13363
4/27/07 6:45 A
I'm sorry, Sarah. I passed at home and she was all in one piece and still in the bag. But, she was not as off on the weeks as you have mentioned. I am sorry you have to go through this, I know how painful, emotionally, it can be. You will be in my prayers.
Attempting to explain the gift of FAITH to someone who has not been touched by God is like attempting to describe the world's greatest Cabernet Sauvignon to someone who does not have the gift of sight, the gift of smell, or the gift of taste. They might, on some level, acknowledge the possibility of its existence, but they will never be able to fully acknowledge, comprehend, or accept its truth in all its complexity.
SARAH_C
Posts: 4665
4/27/07 5:48 A
I hate the thought of waiting to see if it's "complete" then still having to do a D&C if anything remains. But it doesn't matter what I do, it's still awful no matter what.
I'm leaning toward getting a D&C tomorrow. I called my MW last night to ask her to get one scheduled for me Fri. afternoon. She said she would try to find a care provider who will let me have the remains to bury, and that she will come with me for the procedure almost like a doula.
Am I making a mistake? My MW told me that after Cytotec, the baby & all other stuff might pass in 2 or 3 days but it can take up to a week, piece by piece. She said it's often not much different than a heavy, crampy period, but I cannot imagine the mental toll of knowing that I am slowly bleeding out my baby, bit by bit, over days. Finding clots and pieces. She said it would be unlikely to find anything "recognizable" but still. The thought! How could I even leave the house over that time, knowing what "slow death" is happening in my undies. Sorry for the description, but these are things I have to think about.
It's not too late for me to cancel & do Cytotec first as a trial, but I just don't know what to do.
copied from Ronnie Falco's Gentle Birth, only included the two "live" links. HTH.
Basically with cytotec your fear will be bleeding, your MW should be present to help and watch for this and manage it if it occurs. Pain, no reference for rupturing could be found by me! With D&C your problems may be emotional, dialating the cervix force fully is sometimes thought to weaken it for future pregnancies, there is a possibility of uterine scarring (from the scraping, or Cutting) and a risk to future fertility because of this (much like people who have had an abortion).
I'm sure you can still deal with this naturally if you give it a few days.
[Summary from www.obgynworld.com] - The worldwide use of misoprostol for a variety of therapeutic indications in our specialty continues to increase. This randomized study from Vietnam compares oral and vaginal adminstration of the same dose (800 mcg) of misoprostol for medical termination of pregnancy in 200 women presenting with a confirmed missed abortion. Both the efficacy of the therapy and patient satisfaction was high in both groups, indicating that either oral or vaginal administration of misoprostol is appropriate for the medical management of missed abortion. The widespread availability of misoprostol, and its ease of storage and administration, may allow this drug to be especially useful to women in low resource settings
"Medical abortion" is the use of pharmaceuticals rather than surgery to empty the uterus. For women who have had a miscarriage, having a D&C may increase their chances of a repeat miscarriage. A "medical abortion" is a superior option because there's no trauma to the cervix. Reproductive Health 2002: Update on Contraception and Medical Abortion From the ARHP Annual Meeting September 11-14, 2002 [Medscape registration is free]
momx5, birthteacher, doula
birthingnaturally.wordpress.com
NONSEQUITUR
Posts: 24375
4/26/07 8:04 P
Oh Sarah! I am so sorry!
Tempus fugit.
SARAH_C
Posts: 4665
4/26/07 7:46 P
I'm not in my normal state of mind to be able to research all the pros & cons & risks of each. I found out today that I lost my baby. He (I presume "he") measured 8 wks 5 days and I am 14 wks 4 days, so we can presume that I have to do something and that this won't pass on its own.
My MW told me that I have a few days to think about the options. I could do just herbals, but she didn't really recommend it b/c she hasn't seen them be very effective on their own. I could do herbals + Cytotec or just Cytotec, but I worry about the side effects of Cytotec & risk of uterine rupture, etc. But then again, I don't know much about the risks of D&C but it sounds invasive & scary.
Can you help me research my options? This is awful.
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