I'm so sorry you are dealing with this, I know exactly how this is. My 2 are closer in age and seem to beat on each other equally. It's a constant tug of war with toys and attention. But there are times where it's peaceful and they share and play together which makes all the bad times worth it.
Just hang in there they will catch up to each other soon and you'll see more give and take between them.
Have you ever talked with Leo about his feelings for his brother? Does he acknowledge how important he is as a big brother, one thing we try to do with Ryan is not put pressure on him but really praise him when he does something good for "the family" We really like to teach them that they are part of a bigger team and each of us has an important role. I would hate to think that they would treat each other like the family houseplant.
Kellie
m/c - Aug 05
Emily - with God 3/5/03
Luc - with God 7/24/02
Elizabeth - with God 9/12/99
Nicholas - with God 8/20/98
m/c - Nov '97
m/c - Jan '97
MYANDULKA
Posts: 1720
10/30/09 8:36 A
Oh dear! Poor Leo... but I think it is definitely an age thing... and will eventually sort itself out as Auggie gets a bit older... But good for Leo for being so stoic! That is amazing.
There are two brothers -- roughly same age difference as Auggie and Leo -- and the younger one is a real "bruiser".. and the older boy is very sensitive... They are at the dayhome that Annabel used to go to -- so I watched the progression over a year... and eventually the younger one became more sensitive to his older brother.
But yes.. what to do in the meantime??? It sounds like what you are doing is perfect... and I bet you'll even notice a change by christmas -- it is amazing how quickly their behaviour changes!
Baby Annabel arrived June 7th, 6lbs, 15 ounces
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My boys seem to be always fighting these days. Well Auggie is terrorizing Leo to be exact. They are 26 months apart- Auggie is younger. Their stats should be in my singiture, but Leo is 3 and Dogger is 14 months as I type this. Here is our day:
We wake up, eat breakfast and then release the boys into the playroom. Leo picks up some cars and heads to the living room. Auggie attacks. I pick up Auggie and say "gentle gentle" and possibly even show him what I mean. I pull him into the playroom, give him a car. The moment I let go, he attacks again. Repeat. Eventually I suggest Leo move to the other side of the gate or his bedroom. This does solve the problem, except my children are never together, they are never playing together, they are not friends. It might solve my immediate goal but it does nothing to foster a relationship with each other. It doesn't teach Auggie how to play nicely, it doesn't teach Leo how to play WITH Auggie instead of ignoring him.
I've been thinking about this all day and I think the issue here is that Leo ignores Auggie 99.99% of the time. This has been GREAT so far. There is no jealously. Never. He does not resent his brother, he has never for one second had an problem with him or how our lives have changed since his birth. As far as he is concerned we have a pet cat now... or a new houseplant. He pays no attention to him and Auggie very much just wants to be part of it all. If Leo is playing with blocks, he wants to be right there with him. He isn't satisfied with the same blocks away from Leo, he wants to be up in his grill 24-7. If Leo keeps playing and doesn't show him any attention or allow him to be playing too, Auggie will HIT him with the block. It's not so much malicious as "LOOK! BLOCK! I HAVE BLOCKS TOO! HEY HEY HEY LOOK (wack wack)!" Leo, to his credit, never retaliates, he just cries and tries harder to get away from him. And so then Auggie tries harder to get attention. The end result is Leo sobbing on the back of the couch with scratch marks all over his face and Auggie (who thinks this is a great game, just like wrestling!) is laughing hysterically from the floor.
I just don't know what to do. I know eventually this will solve itself when Auggie is old enough to really communicate and/or be reprimanded for hurting his brother. At some point Leo will WANT Auggie to play with him- because let's face it, right now Auggie ruins everything anyway. You can't build a train track, he just tears it apart, you can't build a tower, because he'll knock it over before your done. If you're coloring he just chews up the crayons and rips the paper, etc. My goal here is to deal with this in such a way I am not creating animosity where it doesn't exist. Right now neither one of them has a real problem with the other (attitude-wise. Obviously Leo has a problem in that Auggie really does hurt him, but at the moment he doesn't have any ill feelings towards him) and I don't want to create that with how I handle this or don't handle it. Help?
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