Hi! Thank you for your message. That is a GREAT idea. Telling her it will be better to have her to ourselves after the in town people have come, might work well and not hurt her feelings. BIG HELP! Thank you! ;-)
10/24/08 10:49 A
I agree with Bri. Ask her to come a wee bit later. Tell her that you have all kinds of local people that want to help and you know that they will piddle out after the first week or 2. She will know that you are askign for her help when you know you will be needing it.
BTW: My folks and IL's live less than 14 miles from me and I wouldn't even let them come to the hospital for my iinduction. I told them they could be there in 15 minutes from my phone call and that would be soon enough.
I told him to smile like he loved me...
10/23/08 11:08 P
Hi! You two are really lovely in that picture! ;-) Thank you for your comforting response. I have had more time to think, and I decided (for now) I will wait until I am closer to the BIG DAY and just let her know what I am comfortable with. I decided I will ask her to come about 2-3 days after the delivery since my Hub will have to go back to work anyway by then. I already talked to my MIL and of course she was supportive and understanding. So that's half the battle, right? :-) Thank you again for your response. Lots of BEST WISHES to you and your Lil' Lovely.
10/23/08 11:00 P
i havent had this experience, but i can imagine what a tough situation it is. do you think it would help if you asked your mom to come up the next week? i am sure it would upset her but maybe if you just told her how you feel she would understand even if she was disappointed. or maybe if your mom stayed somewhere else when she came? maybe with the inlaws? i dont know. honestly if people are generally nearby they will want to come and be with you and the baby. i bet your inlaws will be there more than you may think too.
good luck. hope you find something that works out for you
DD - Arden 3/06 - Excited to be a big sister!
1/19/06 5:10 P
That is a great idea! I think I'll plan to have a quick 'lunch' or 'go shopping' with some of my girlfriends during that time! Even if it's just an hour!
Yes, that will be just perfect! Thanks!
1/19/06 4:42 P
Good compromise Dianna!
None of my husband's family is planning on coming to stay with us, but we kinda said that anyone who chooses to will have to stay in a hotel...
The way our house is set up is there are 3 bedrooms on one side and then our master is on the total other side of the house. We want to have the baby in his crib from day one, so hubby and I will be temorarily moving into the guest room right next door to the nursery to be close to him. Our excuse for not having houseguests is there is no guest room for awhile... LOL!
Reed Robert born 3/25/06 at 8:26pm.
8 lbs. 0.6 oz and 20 inches
He is the best gift I could ever receive. He melts my heart everyday!!!
1/19/06 4:28 P
Tegan - I can only speak for myself, but in our house I'll pretty much get to make the decision and DH will have to go along with it. After all, once he's back to work, it's me who will have to deal with it all. He really thinks it would be easier on me to have his mom stay for a while, but I keep explaining that having someone make passive aggressive comments about housework that's not done bugs me at any time and I really don't want to deal with it right after giving birth and trying to get everyone settled back into routine.
I so have to bend a little, since most of his family is pretty close by and like to come visit very soon after the baby is born. If they call first, I generally say to let them come to the hospital (at least they can't expect me to entertain them). Otherwise we "let" them come by the house for a brief visit of like an hour or so.
I do remember it being kind of nice to have a little company sometimes when I was starting with PPD after DD#1, but anything over a couple of hours (and some people in much less) really got on my nerves. This time I'll just call some of my other mommy friends over if I want the company. They'll understand if I'm not dressed and the dishes aren't done.
Julia Maeve born by c-section March 2006
Big Sisters: Mia (July 2001) and Anna (April 2003)
1/19/06 4:19 P
I agree with you. My hubby and I have been battling this one out for the past 4 months. He wants his parents out here for the birth and then wants them to stay for a week or so to help. I love my in-laws, but I remember when I brought my son home all I wanted was privacy. I felt very stressed the first week especially, after my milk came in and trying to get the whole breastfeeding thing down,UGGHH! the last thing I wanted was to have house guests. Additionally, we are flying out to the mid-west to see family with the baby for spring break in April at that point I'm sure I'll welcome the break.
TGEAN, like I mentioned my DH was adamant about having his parents out, I think because he is nervous, so I compromised and told him if he wants them to come out then they have to wait at least 1 week after we bring the baby home and then when they do come they have to stay in a hotel. He wasn't thrilled but at least I offered a compromise.
I know everyone is different but I know from my experience I need at least 1 week to myself and no overnight guests being a new mom is stressful enough.
Edited by: DIANNAHAZE at: 1/19/2006 (16:28)
Proud mom to Harrison (9) Hayden Allen
1/19/06 3:39 P
Oh man, my mom is coming to help me! I cant be left alone with a baby, I dont know what to do with it! haa. I am more than happy to have her come.
March 30th...8 lb 8 oz.
It's a GIRL!!!!!
Emily (Emmie) Grace
1/19/06 3:22 P
depending upon how my labor & delivery go i might want help. i know a lot of DH's family has already planned on coming and staying for a week at a time. i'm dreading that. i want to get to know my little guy & see how he works before i have people to entertain. my aunt lives 2 hours away & she wants to come right away. i don't mind her b/c we've always been close.
i'm going to try to be prepared as i can as far as having the house cleaned and meals premade & in the freezer. i'm more of a go with the flow type of girl. but if i can't do it i'll definatly ask for help.
march 3rd, 2006
7lbs 14oz 21 in long
1/19/06 3:11 P
I am only allowing family and very close friends over for the first two weeks. I over did it entertaining people with my first and I ended up suffering for it.
If you are a first time Mom, it is nice to have some people around, if they are helpful. Otherwise your life is so turned upside down that it is wise to give yourself time to adjust.
1/19/06 2:56 P
Forgive me for not knowing how to word this correctly, but when you gals talk about what’s going to happen, is it because your DH agrees with you or because he’ll go with what you say on this matter?
I am asking because my DH doesn’t agree with me. Like most of you I wish to have a few days alone before visitors come… and like most of you, ALL of our relatives are out of state, which means they’d stay at our house. Except, my DH doesn’t want that alone time and doesn’t want to tell his mom she can’t come until after.
I, like you, have issues with overnight guests and entertaining while exhaustion fills my day, but I think I will just have to go with the flow on this one and whatever happens, happens… but, the thought of my MIL telling me ALL day long what I should do and what I should buy already really irks me! Just how can I keep my mouth shut when I just might be at my wits end?
1/19/06 12:46 P
Since both my husband and I are new to parenthood, we were glad when my mom and dad said that they are taking two weeks off work to come and help out. Since they live in Toronto and I hardly get to see them, it'll be nice to have my parents since I'm very close to my parents and my husband gets along well with them. And besides, they are ecstatic about meeting their first grand-child. After my parents leave, my husband said he'll take off a week to help me out around the home. My father-in-law lives oceans away and he's eagerly waiting to meet his granddaughter when we make the trip to see him in late summer.
As far as the other relatives go, I don't like them and won't complain if they do not come. They'll be more work than help.
1/19/06 12:26 P
We are going to have some alone time in the birthing center/hospital with just my husband and daughter. All of our family live out of town. We are going to have one of our mom's staying with me at home at all times during the first two weeks to do the housework, cooking and general things around the house.
Bradley recommends that you stay in bed the first 3 days (only going to the bathroom) then after that not doing any housework for 2 weeks. After about a month you can start doing things, but the time in the beginning is needed for your body to heal up properly, rest, etc... and bond with that beautiful baby.
I wouldn't "entertain" anyone, but have someone there to help out. Just make sure everyone knows what you would like for them to do. I started filling out a paper today on who I would like to do what, the scedule of our 6 year old daughter, etc...
1/19/06 12:24 P
We won't be having overnight guests in the first few weeks- the only possible overnight guest would be my mom. We are fortunate that our parents live fairly close and are only a phone call away. With that said, the only person who I will want here for any extended period of time will be my mom- Matt feels the same.
My dad needs to be entertained and waited on which is annoying at the best of times. My FIL and step MIL only ever visit for short periods anyways (and aren't really into babies or us!) and my MIL has yet to visit us here (we've lived in this place for two years). She drives both of us batty.
Our little girl, Olivia Ryan, arrived early on March 14th. Too cute for words.
1/19/06 12:19 P
I was worried about this because I live 8 hours away from family. At first, dad, stepmom, sister, sister's husband, sister's two little girls were coming down to stay the first week at my house! That kind of freaked me out, but then Dad can't get that week off now, so he's coming ALONE the next week. So it will just be my sister and her family, which is cool because I'm really close to her and she'll be a big help. Plus my husband and her husband have a pretty good time.
Fiona Ann 3-12- 06
1/19/06 12:11 P
My parents plan on getting in the car and driving the 10 hours to get here once I go into labor, so they'll be staying a few days. As for other visitors dh's family is only supposed to be coming on the weekend when hes home because I think they will stress me out (kinda overbearing and overly critical). My mom is coming back to stay for a week in April when I go back to work and my sister and aunt and mom will probably be in and out of the house until school lets out in June. I do not want to put my munchkin in daycare until August when school starts back up, so when my leave is over I will be rotating babysitters until I get off for the summer.
Edited by: JPRAMSEY at: 1/19/2006 (12:12)
Morgan's proud mommy
1/19/06 12:11 P
I think if my MIL tried to come and stay with us after the birth I would take the baby and go stay at a hotel! She is VERY high maintenance. She will spontaneously start crying if she is not the center of attention and start talking about how horrible her life has been. Luckily she lives in Mexico and doesn't have a passport yet - sounds mean but I couldn't imagine her being here right after the birth.
My mom will be coming during the day to do housework and cook - LOVE THAT!
-Amanda in AZ
First time mom to Miguel, born March 11, 2006. "Mi angelito"
Pic at 4 and 1/2 months - I love my tongue!
1/19/06 11:57 A
It's also really nice to change you answering machine and say that your home now with your newborn and that calls will be returned as soon as you can, or some people even say that call can be returned at a certain time, but then again you times are all wacked the first week home.:)
Daughter- Shebly Rose- Just Born!!! 3/22/06, 7lbs, 2oz, 19 inches long
1/19/06 11:52 A
My parents and in-laws will be here for the birth, and they're all staying here. I think it will be good to have them here to help us out with cooking and whatever since this is our first baby. We have no family here so once they're gone, we're on our own. I'm sure I'll get annoyed with them here, but I know I'll appreciate it after-the-fact.
John Charles is here! Born Feb. 25, 2006 at 5:38pm.
1/19/06 11:28 A
Actually my MIL will be staying for couple of days with us, and I dont mind it because she was wonderfull through my whole pregnancy and I trust her a lot. It depends on your relationship with your in-laws and with your direct family. If you think they will be less stress for you, why not. You want to be spoiled, relaxed and you want to enjoy every minute you and your husband spend with your baby, and of course you want to have some kind of help and guidance from those who care and love you most
Ryan Lee 03/13/06
Layla Marie 07/06/07
1/19/06 11:28 A
We are only having people come over during the day and I am going to try to even limit the time they stay so they aren't there all day. We both agreed that there will be no overnighters. My MIL lives in another state but has other family she can stay with so we are going to politely tell her that it will be too much stress to have overnight guests and a new baby.
Edited by: BABYKUDLA at: 1/19/2006 (11:32)
First baby, due March 7th 2006
Not finding out sex until day of!!
1/19/06 11:24 A
We decided not to have anyone in the house after...except daytime visitors. MIL would be the only one I want to come "do" for us anyways... which I probably will take advantage of. Note to self:make a list of things she can take care of...She only lives 20 minutes away. We even took down our guest bed to make that into the office. My sister I'm sure will want to stay over (she lives 250 miles away) but we don't want her there. So, we just established a no overnight guests after....and no daytime probably the first couple of days so we can just be together with the baby by ourselves.Now that may change-we may be screaming for help..who knows?!
#4 EDD Nov 2013
1/19/06 11:19 A
My mom stayed for two weeks which I loved. Me and mom have a great relationship so it depends on yours. But we did not have anyone stay the night. We did have daytime visitors after the first week cause I wanted my baby to go to the first apt at the ped first. We will do the same for this one also.
Daughter- Shebly Rose- Just Born!!! 3/22/06, 7lbs, 2oz, 19 inches long
1/19/06 11:13 A
I am open to daytime visitors, but I really don't think anyone needs to spend the night.
Of course this is my first, so opinions stated now are liable to be tossed out the window at any given moment!
It's a girl!
Kara Grace due 3/16 born 3/3 /06
1/19/06 11:12 A
I think it all depends on the people visiting. My Father in Law will be here right when the baby is born and spending the night, but he is pretty low maintenence. My hubby will take care of meals etc and my FIL won't expect to get entertained, he just wants to help as much as he can with the baby, so I don't mind him.
My Mother in Law on the other hand (they're divorced) is way high maintenence and there is no way I could handle her at such a vunerable time.
My Mom will also be here, but again, she doesn't want to be entertained and will be really helpful.
Just go with your gut and go on a case by case basis. It might be best for you to have some time with just you, your hubby and the baby to get used to eachother and get into a routine.
My little Angel Ryan was born 3/21/06.
1/19/06 11:12 A
I think it depends on the family members.
If you think they will be helpful (help you clean, make some meals, etc) then I say
If they are going to expect you to treat them like guests and you are the hostess, then emphatically
And I don't think anybody should be offended if you request that you would rather they didn't stay. I'm sure they could get a hotel room nearby and visit when you feel like having visitors.
1/19/06 11:11 A
I have been worried about this myself. My husbands parents live 3 hours away so I assume his Mom will be staying with us for the first few days. Im sure his Dad will go back to work. I am so dreading it! First of all I can't stand to be around her as it is. I feel like it will stress me out. I already have a mean dog to worry about. I don't know how he will act around the baby. I really don't want to have to worry about getting him adjusted to her. With changing hormones, becoming a 1st time mom, and being physically sore, I really hope I can handle it. Ideally, I am like you. I would like to spend the first nights with my baby and husband alone. Visitors during the day only. Under some circumstances I guess you just need to grin and bare it. I'll try to focus on the positive. His mom will only be down here because she is excited to be a grandma. Good luck to us all! Ambra
1/19/06 11:11 A
Well I have a little different situation. I am single, live by myself and this is my first child so all the help I can get will probably be appriciated. I am having at least my mom and my sister come (hopefully they make it in time...they live @ 1,000 miles away) But when my Sis-in-law had her baby she liked the help too, especially at night when "grandma" would get up with the baby and she got to sleep. She would just wake up to feed, not just for a crying baby. Some moms might not be able to do that though, I don't know if I will
My first baby, It's a BOY
Anthony's birthday 3-16-06
1/19/06 11:10 A
My MIL is planning on coming to help me after the baby is born, but I'm asking her to come 1 week after the birth so that I have a little time to spend alone with the baby to figure her out on my own.
Julia Elizabeth born 3/22 @2:23
Jonathan Christian 8/24/98
Picture at 5 months
1/19/06 10:56 A
Hi ladies! Just wondering what your opinions are about having house guests at the same time you're bringing home baby. I'm specifially talking about parents and in-laws. Do you feel that having them stay the night would be helpful, or more stress for you and DH?
And what if they're coming from out of town for the birth?
I am all for visitors during the day, but undecided about people spending the night. Please post your plans, opinions, or previous experiences.... thanks!!! or
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