Without knowing all the details that sounds a lot like what happened with my daughter. I feel the same way that I should have seen something or just known something was wrong. She also kept it to herself for 3 years and has been put through some traumatic situations because of it. Luckily so far she doesn't seem to have any major depression problems from it but she has done some things since that have really worried me.
Darren was born 5 weeks early and weighed 4 lbs. 11 oz.
Kaitlyn was born 7 weeks early and weighed 2 lbs. 11 oz.
Cameron was born April 21 and weighed 5 lbs 15 oz.
"A baby will make love stronger, days shorter, nights longer, bankroll smaller, home happier, clothes shabbier, the past forgotten, and the fut
NO3SURPRISE
Posts: 8345
1/14/09 4:05 P
I'm so sorry. As parents we want to protect them and when we can't it's really tough. It must be hard not to be able to take away the hurt.
AKA: Tootie
Expecting our 3rd in March - SURPRISE!
MOM2KATE BabyPoints:6578
Posts: 2440
1/14/09 2:58 P
I'm so sorry you are going through such a rough time! I would definitely say that right now, you probably do need to hold off on having a baby, just to make sure you are doing it for the right reasons. But, if you do decide you want another, good luck and go for it!
Katherine "Kate" born feb 8th at 12:15 pm, at 9 lbs, 13 oz, and 23 inches long!! She is wonderful!
NOMORETHAN4
Posts: 2253
1/14/09 12:39 P
Thanks Mandy. I know on the logical level that there's nothing I did or didn't do to cause what's happening with her. Without going into detail, something happened to her and I didn't have a clue it happened and she's kept it to herself for more than 3 years. The emotional part of me beats myself up that I should have known. Logically, I know that things happen and I've been a good parent, but it doesn't keep me from wondering what I could have done and what I missed.
Edited by: NOMORETHAN4 at: 1/14/2009 (12:40)
-Joanne-
KARBABY
Posts: 2744
1/13/09 12:41 P
If you were closer I'd let you borrow mine.
Darren was born 5 weeks early and weighed 4 lbs. 11 oz.
Kaitlyn was born 7 weeks early and weighed 2 lbs. 11 oz.
Cameron was born April 21 and weighed 5 lbs 15 oz.
"A baby will make love stronger, days shorter, nights longer, bankroll smaller, home happier, clothes shabbier, the past forgotten, and the fut
NOMORETHAN4
Posts: 2253
1/12/09 11:34 P
I see a lot of your points. DH and I had a conversation again about it. His main concern is that he feels I already do so much for/with the kids and have so little (no) time for myself, that having another would just be too stressful for me. Now, I see his point too, but it doesn't shake the feeling I have. As far as the vasectomy thing, he said he's nervous, but more lazy about it than nervous.
In reality, we probably are done. I think I may regret not having another, but if I wanted another I would want to get pregnant in the next few months. I would want no more than a 3 year difference between Cait and any new baby. So, taking that into account, now is probably not the best time.
Blah! I guess I need to just borrow some newborns for a while and get my fix that way. :-)
-Joanne-
CUTIEBEAR
Posts: 993
1/11/09 6:18 P
Ok devils advocat and I'm just sharing my point of view. I would say not to have anymore and focus on the little and big ones you got. For me after a certain age it starts getting harder and I don't want to be nearly 60 when my child graduates out of high school. Also hubby may not be getting a vasectomy because he is petrified of having a scalpel near his scrotum not because he wants more kids. Yes if he really wanted to close the door than he would (same argument I had with DH and if he had gone when I had told him to I would not be having another right now) but some things are more fearful and you going through carrying a child and labour may not be as bad to him as a scalpel near his boys (My DH theory and rationalization).
My Motto change what you can, what you can't don't stress it go with the flow.
NOMORETHAN4
Posts: 2253
1/11/09 10:31 A
You guys are enablers!
DH is wishy-washy about it. Like I said, he was supposed to go get a vasectomy, but hasn't done anything about it. He thinks from a logical perspective that having another isn't in the plan. He worries about how much room we have in the house...but, he says things about Caitlyn growing up too fast and not being his little baby. So, if I bring it up, he says no, but I think part of him is conflicted too.
I haven't gone into it at all on here, but this year has been very stressful for all of us. My oldest daughter has been in intensive therapy for depression and was hospitalized for it for 4 days at Thanksgiving time. She's on medications now but it's been a really hard road. I found out a lot of things that really questioned my ability as a parent. I don't know if I see having another baby as another opportunity to "get it right". I just feel so sad at the prospect of never being pregnant again. Maybe because I'm 37, I just feel like I'm totally closing the door on my "youth". Probably not reasons to have another baby.
Thanks for listening!
-Joanne-
MAYANIKA
Posts: 4689
1/10/09 5:21 P
and if you need support to do a home and hypno birth I will be here for you-LOL Seriously, I don't blame you for your thoughts. Look at the awesome family you already have. Let us know how this turns out...surprises happen, you know...
edited cuz I can't spell
Edited by: MAYANIKA at: 1/10/2009 (17:21)
Anika - 6lbs6oz, 20' (7 days early)
"The love of our lives": http://tinyurl.com/fwyb4
Maya - 8lbs2oz, 21' (9 days late- born at home)
To the best dad:
http://tinyurl.com/9npxtq
MUM2KJR
Posts: 5279
1/10/09 4:44 P
LOL. Go girl! Hats off to you having 5 ( maybe ) I'd love a huge family but I dont think I am made for THAT many! :-)
- Tracey -
DS1 - Kai Jaxon - 25/01/2006. Diagnosed type 1 diabetic 6/11/08
DS2 - Jett Samuel - 20/03/2008 - diagnosed tpe 1 diabetic 28th june 2011
DD1 - Rubi Ellen - 10/11/2009
DD2 - Seylah Audrey - 26/03/2012
MOMMY_HAS_FOUR
Posts: 20853
1/10/09 12:37 P
Hmmm.....well so long as you don't blame it on my pictures of Charlotte on Facebook ....
Just kidding!
Honestly I always think people know whats right for them - whether or not they DO the right thing is another story.
If you feel like you could handle being pregnant/having another baby again - both physically and financially, your husband is on board, and you're doing it for the right reasons (genuinely wanting another baby - not trying to fix a problem relationship etc) - then why not?
Of course....I'm already planning out our 3rd baby, so you might say I'm a bit biased!
Leah - Mommy to Owen(Jan 23,2006)
Charlotte (Oct 7, 2008)
and Reece, (March 2, 2010)
I'm proud to be a three time babyfitting,breastfeeding,babywearingand co-sleeping mama
Hello baby #4!
NO3SURPRISE
Posts: 8345
1/10/09 10:49 A
And, what does dh think about that idea? Or does he know?
AKA: Tootie
Expecting our 3rd in March - SURPRISE!
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