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Pregnant, but boyfriend doesn't want it!!

Posts: 276
8/19/05 5:26 A

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I'm very glad you have decided to have this baby. I'm sure this is desicion you will never regret. Child is a blessing, gift from God, It's a part of you. Having a baby you will never feel alone in this world anymore. This is something I learned from my friend, she found out she was pregnant and the father didn't want it and my friend was in not very good situation: family leaves faraway and don't support the idea of having a baby without being married, she didn't have a stability in terms of funds and employment. And still she choose to keep her pregnancy. I've been always supporting her in her decision, but once I asked "Aren't you scared that you will have to do it all alone" and she said "this is exactly opposite of what I feel, I feel like now I will be always with my baby and whatever happens I will never be alone in my life". And so she did it, her baby boy is 4 months old now and she is so happy, she found a plenty of support from friends and some part of the family. The father disappeared while she was pregnant but now he wants to participate in his baby life even though they didnít get back together.
I understand how you feel about your boyfriend and if you were on the pill then it means you both were not planning to have a baby right now, so he is unprepared and may be needs a little time to realize what he feels. Your boyfriend may change his mind or not, but you decision shouldnít not depend on that. It is your baby, you are the mother and it is your decision. Keeping a baby you are not jeopardizing your relations. As someone already mentioned this guy may be meant to be with you for life and may be not regardless whether you will or will not keep your baby. Relations just like that they are meant to be or not but itís not like it meant to be but under certain circumstanceÖ.If you and your boyfriend are meant to be together then you will be. If you have to sacrifice your baby for this relations to continue, I donít think you will wonít these relationsÖ
And donít worry about his ex and his attitude and feelings towards his ex. It is a painful and not efficient exercise. I know it from my own experience. Ex is the past, you are the present this only fact should make you feel better, whatever his feelings and relations was with his ex were it was their choice to make it the PAST. These comparisons may cause you a lot of negative emotions (that you donít need now at all) and zero benefits. I know itís not easy, but you should try. For me the best is to tell you self that you donít care and act correspondently and after a little while you will just feel that you really donít care anymore.
I wish you best luck, enjoyable pregnancy and a very healthy baby.
If you need any advice I and many other women here will be always happy to talk to you and support you in your decision.


Posts: 5
8/19/05 4:24 A

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He doesn't wear a condom but at the time i got pregnant i was on the pill and it didn't work.
I'm 19 , 20 in October and he's just turned 28.
I'm sorry to hear that your partner doesn't want it either, how are you coping with out being with im, coz that's the hardest thing i'm going to have to do.
i've decided i want this baby and i'm going to tell him at my consultation next week.

thankyou all for you love and support you don't know how much this means to me

i've forgot to mentinoned he doesn't want to lose me, he says we're not ready for a child yet. he says he loves me and wants to be with me but doesn't want it.
when i tell him next week thats when i'll find out how much he really does love me.

Edited by: EASTWOOD.AMY at: 8/19/2005 (04:28)

Posts: 2026
8/18/05 8:32 P

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Ok, first off you have to stop saying how he must have stronger feelings for his ex then you. That is going to get you nowhere at all! Who cares about his ex or any of that!
Now really, this guy is going to have 2 kids and 2 mom's, does he wear a condom? Just have to ask because he can't blame this on you!
If you want to have this baby, have this baby! You are very lucky that your family is behind you and you don't need this guy at all!
How old are you and how old is he? He sounds like a child who has no responsibility for his actions.
I can't tell you what to do, I can say that the father of my baby doesn't want it either. He made that clear from the moment I told him. He and his family are totally against it. I am doing it on my own with tons of love and support from my friends and family.
You may feel like you love him, but love has to go both ways to work. Also, the fact that you keep bringing up his feelings for his ex makes me think you are way better off leaving this guy.
I would love to know more so I can make more sense of the situation.
I am heading off to my shrink right now to talk about my situation!
I wish you luck and will check back!

Holden was born September 14th at 1:02am! YEAH! 12 days early!
Posts: 3
8/18/05 8:25 P

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I know exactly how you feel. I am 22 weeks and my boyfriend has decided that he no longer wants to be with me and that he doesn't want the child. It is hard because we were together for 2 1/2 yrs. I love him and want to be with him but I realized that now I have to think of my child (which is what he obviously didn't do). Find support in friends and family. People will help you. Just believe in yourself; If you want to do it, you will. I will pray for you and everyone out there in our situation.

Posts: 591
8/18/05 5:46 P

Since I had my daughter and found out how hard it is to raise a child my respect for single parents has grown so much. Raising a child is a big decision but doing it yourself is a bigger one. I don't believe in abortion but I also could not imagine my daughter not having the love and support my husband gives her. I grew up with an absentee father and it is very painful for me to think he did not want me in his life. I wish you the very best in love and life.

Posts: 1256
8/18/05 10:27 A

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ELLISON01's Photo
you have a very tough decision ahead of you and i wish you the best of luck in making it.

*Laura* pic at 35 weeks
Makenzie Layne 5-2-01
Blake Eugene 7-17-02
Baby #3 due 3-10-06

Posts: 447
8/18/05 10:00 A

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I can't tell you what to do but I can tell you that you will not know what real love is until you have a child. Men come and go but babies are a gift from God. I can say that I don't believe in abortion but it is there and some people do it. I also have friends that can't have kids. There are open adoptions. I will tell you that you need to think about how selfish your bf is being. You also need to think about your unborn baby inside of you and what God intends for your baby to do. Your baby could be the one to find the cure for cancer.

February 27, 2006 Third child.
Posts: 3
8/18/05 9:28 A

There are other options beside terminating the pregnancy. Remember, if you do that, you will have to live with that decision the rest of your life. Try talking to someone about other options: or 1-800-bethany

Posts: 5
8/18/05 8:47 A

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Its a very hard decision to make. I can see myself having the baby by myself, because i know he truly doesn't want it and he obivously cared more about his ex than me if he doesn't stay. My worry is if i terminate will i take it out on him? My family are totally behind with whatever i decided and his dad is willing to help either way. Its a bit hard really coz my boyfriend isn't that close to his family.
thankyou very much for your help its much appreciated

Posts: 201
8/18/05 7:46 A

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BETH10178's Photo
It sounds like you need to decide what YOU want to do first, whether it be with or without him. Think about how your decision would affect your life now and as you get older. If you keep the baby and he leaves, what would your life be like? If you terminated the pregnancy and he left? If you kept the baby and he stays? If you terminated the pregnancy and he stays? What type of family support do you have? Will his family help even if he doesn't? Luckily, you're still early in your pregnancy to be able to take some time to decide. Talk to others, whether it be on this site, your family, your friends, church, etc.

Edited by: BETH10178 at: 8/18/2005 (07:47)

New England Mom

Want to hear God laugh? Tell him your plans!

Posts: 5
8/18/05 6:29 A

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We've been together for 1yr and 2months, he was with his last girlfriend for nearly 2weeks when she got pregnant, so the situation is totally different for us. When they got together he had just quit his job, he has a full time job with me.

That's just it i've not told him i want to keep it, he knows i'm thinking about it but he thinks coz he doesn't want it thats whats going to happen

I just don't want to lose him

Posts: 201
8/18/05 6:21 A

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BETH10178's Photo
I'm sorry you're in this situation. It isn't clear how long you've been dating and if he has said anything regarding his other child's mother.

You can't ignore your feelings, but they don't have to dominate your actions. First and foremost, take care of yourself and your child. Give your boyfriend some time to digest the idea of being a father again. Then, talk to him again. It may be too fresh in his mind for him to think clearly. In the meantime, take care of yourself and decided what you want to do, whether with or without him.

Good luck! This site is a great source of support and I hope you do well.

New England Mom

Want to hear God laugh? Tell him your plans!

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