I was 12 when my brother was born, so pretty much an old child. I have a cousin who is like a sister to me that I grew up with so I never really felt like I missed out on that. But I am so thankful my kids have each other. Yes its stressful and crazy at times but seeing them together is like nothing I can describe. I think its a personal choice and no matter what you love Matilda and she will know that :)
M/C 6/9/08- Before I knew you, I loved you
2/17/11 12:10 P
With mine being 16 years apart it's like having to only children! My oldest moved out when Ella was still 3 so she probably wont remember her sister living at home. I don't think there's anything wrong with just having one, you can give them so much more:)
Ella Grace 10/31/06
2/3/11 10:32 A
I have just one as well. I think I would want a second, but... it is not the time for me. I wondered about Aris being alone as well, but I am not sure he would handle another child right now either. Maybe in about 2 years...or never.
1/14/11 1:15 P
i also just have one. we have thought about maybe another one but its just not the right time. we are both in school and dont think we can have another one now. so the more i think about it we might just only have one.
EDD was Oct.8,2006
Had my baby boy on Sept.8,2006.
He weigh 5.13 and 18.9 in.
His name is Christopher William
1/14/11 9:07 A
I get the worrying that your child will end up alone. Hannah only has a few cousins and they live out of state. And no aunts and uncles aruond here.But she has extended family and friends- and most likely will get married and have a family of her own. It's scary to think that if something happened to us she would be alone. But that could happen with a sibling too.
I look at DH and his family. I am sure his mom never planned on him being an only child now. But he lost his sister, and that's something you can never foresee.
I just don't want to have a child for the sole purpose of giving my existing child someone. If either Dan and I really wanted another child, we would probably continue to pursue it- but the truth is we would only be doing it to give Hannah a sibling. And it's a gift she may not even want.
DD- Hannah 10/06: 40 lbs of awesome in a tutu!
First we had each other, then we had you- now we have everything.
1/13/11 7:38 P
I think whichever way YOU feel is best for you, your husband and Matilda is the way to go. I don't know the culture in Portugal, but if its anything like the hispanic or italian cultures than you're right, siblings DO play a big part of a child's life and upbringing - BUT times are changing so It is possible that even in Portugal things don't have to be the same.
My sisters boys are 6 years apart and I think she likes the difference, especially because the older one can help a bit more. Will their bonding be the same as if they were 2 or 3 years apart? Who knows, but one thing is that whether they're 1 or 6 years apart nothing is guaranteed - as we've noticed in comments made by ladies on the board.
From a personal perspective - we have two and would have loved to have another one. But looking back now, and having both my kids potty trained, sleeping on a schedule, going places without tugging a diaper bag and little things like that make me realize that we have a good thing going. Would I like more children? yes, but things didn't work out for us that way. We were blessed to have 1 let alont 2 children in our lives - i'm not going to be regretful for what could have been...
Now that i'm done with my novel - I really think it's something you need to figure out, especially if you don't want a bigger age gap than 5 years. It is a tough choice, especially if it "just doesn't happen" and surprises you, but whatever your decision is - make sure you're okay with it. =)
1/13/11 5:13 P
Ah, Indrani too, of course!
Okay, that first post was a bit zombie like...I really must go to bed earlier. In any case, I am totally on board with the idea that only kids are just fine and dandy socially.
We're in a very poor country (first world poor, but still poor), that is experiencing negative population growth precisely because it is just a complete financial impossibility for the vast majority to support two. We are not exactly in that situation, on the other hand, it would be a much bigger stretch here to pay for two than in the US.
Also, my (amazing) in-laws pay for every single solitary expense related to Matilda's education and have committed to doing so for how ever long she calls herself a student. Would it be weird to say..."Err....so you pay for one kid? Does that mean you would also pay for two?" Because her school tuition is about exactly equal to my salary.
My real issues are:
1. I so, so, so would love for her to have a relationship like the one I have with my sister (though I have an equally strong relationship with my three best friends, just not the shared history), we have very little family here in Portugal.
2. We are from two countries. The thought (and expense) of having to fly with two kids once a year until they are old enough to entertain themselves gives me the heeby jeebies.
3. If we end up here in Portugal permanently, this is the end of the line. Once her grandparents are gone, she will have us and one aunt who is not of the marrying/child having persuasion, if you catch my drift. :) Like I said, I know that friends can be like family, but I'm not totally sure that is true in Portugal. I feel like all the friendships I observe are not remotely as deep or strong as the ones I have with my best friends...I think family is king here and nothing else comes close to that.
4. Emotionally, as Teesa mentioned, parenthood has kicked my butt hardcore. I feel like I am finally getting back on solid ground. I do not know if it is easier the second time around or not. And, like Shannon, I'm terrified to disrupt something that is working.
5. Five plus years is a really huge age gap in my mind.
If we do have a second, I would like to have the kid to coincide with my summer break at school so that I can take full advantage of those three months plus the one year maternity leave, meaning I'd either have to get pregnant like immediately or start trying again at the end of the year.
1/13/11 1:48 P
Me too - i have just the one and happy with that. I did feel guilty (just like Shannon and you) about company for Anoushka but she has such a busy life that I dont think she would relish sharing the time. Also we really won't be able to afford to give Anoushka all that she gets now.
1/13/11 8:15 A
I know Indrani still has one, but I can't think of anybody else besides you and Shannon.
I know lots of people who have more than one child solely because they don't want to deprive their first of having a sibling. I don't think it's a bad reason either, but if I remember correctly Matilda was a surprise to you and a shock to your system. I'm sure you'll do great with another one, but I agree with Veronica - make sure it's something you and your husband want and not only for Matilda.
Sam has Brugada Syndrome, a heart arrhythmia. He had a defibrillator implanted at 11 months old and another surgery to fix the defib Aug 18 this year. Ask me about it sometime.
1/12/11 8:49 P
I don't think it's a bad reason to want to have another baby for Matilda's sake, but I don't know if it's the right reason. I think you and your husband should be okay with having another baby and not have the feeling of "it's for her" all throughout the pregnancy. I know you'll love the baby, but I personally think you have to want to have another one for You and DH and not just for Matilda. Does that make any sense? Hope so!
1/12/11 6:41 P
Hello there, ladies.
Is there anyone left besides Shannon and I who still have just one child?
I teach English here in Portugal and one of my students is a pediatrician who is the mom of one of Matilda's classmates. We were discussing family size today and she told me that, in her professional opinion, if we want to have a second kid, we need to do it yesterday.
I kind of sort of only want to have another baby for Matilda's sake. Is that a bad reason?
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